[Brawn]

hello,
I've found many posts about gay boyfriends.Since it's very important for us to get some answers here is my story: I have a boyfriend 6 months, i have the best sex - orgasm 99% when having sex - at first he was a lot into my needs performing oral more than normal and really good but sometimes he had erection problems (now he is ok) . He also told me about his past life that he had sex with a lot of girls and had 2 long lasting relationships. One was with "boring-romantic" sex so he was not happy and the other with a girl that could do anything, he was enjoying but he doesn't want a loose girlfriend for serious relationship. At some point he told me he like fem domination (i think its called), fetish,peeing etc and asked me to fist him ( anal ). it was really weird so i start testing his reaction with dildo and found out he likes to use it but he said he doesnt like it as much as fisting from a girl. I used to call him gay or bi and insist but he was answering laughing that he might be bi but he is with me and likes me so not to worry!He enjoys also when i tell him during sex that i want a guy to come and **** us both!After insisting a lot i made him admit that when he was 20 (now he is 30) he had been with a guy friend of his some times when drunk. So i have doubts if he is gay but he wants to be with a girl because its a normal relationship to settle down when 30. I dont want to be the good girl who marries him and finds out he is cheating on me with his male friend. Also why did he had so many girls and 2 serious relationships? Can someone be bi?!How can i know that he is gay?Now he says he made a mistake to admit it because it belongs to the past and it was better if i didnt know so to save our relation since he likes me.he also said that he didnt regret it because it has his choice but he doesnt like now what he did back then.He also gave me a choice to think if i want to be with him or not anymore!Should i trust him?

[Hopeless Dork]

I would have trouble trusting him, doing anything sexual with him for reasons that have nothing to do with his sexual orientation but more to do with the fact he had a gf that was fullfilling his fantasies that he broke up with for that very reason... I think that right there shines a brighter light on how he feels so conflicted about what he wants. Be a good girl and don't do anything fun, he will break up with you for being boring, be the naughty girl in the bedroom and do all he wants and he will say 'you loose woman you shall not be my main chick!" He has fetishes and desires beyond what would be considered 'normal' and expects you to be accepting of all that... meanwhile he's basically told you how judgemental he was in his other relationships.

Bisexuality does exsist, he could like women as much as men and vice versa... and just because someone is bi doesn't mean they are any more likely to cheat than someone straight. But my concern would be that he expressed that settling down with a woman is the 'normal' thing to do, and thats why he wants to do it, it sounds a lot like his breaking up with the 'loose' woman, etc...

It sounds like he has some sorting out to do in his mind about what he wants vs what he thinks he is 'supposed' to be with.

How does he cater to your needs and what you want? Do you feel loved? Do you feel special? Do you feel like you matter to him? Sexually and outside of sex?

[Brawn]

good things to consider!Thank you a lot ! i'm very confused,though i dont even know if he is happy with me or pretending that he is. Why does he want to be with me?! I know he had also other reasons to break up his "loose" gf but she was really hot ans sexy - probably he couldn't trust her. Moreover, he is saying he is very sensitive for a boy so does this make him weak and maybe he doesnt know what he wants or "supposed" to be?Probably he is a little immature but when you feel things for someone and you are the person involved you dont see clearly or you always find excuses to make you feel better!

ps. " But my concern would be that he expressed that settling down with a woman is the 'normal' thing to do, and thats why he wants to do it, it sounds a lot like his breaking up with the 'loose' woman, etc..."

i didnt really get your point here! His actual words were that he was very naughty as a boy and was sexually active and open, but when you are 30 your needs change,sex is not your only satisfaction to consider, you dont think about sex too much and when you start have feeling for someone you can be also be happy.That is why i previously wrote that and that's why i previously wrote that I dont want to be the good girl who marries him and finds out he is cheating on me with his male friend.

About the "fetish" things i enjoy some of them but not all the time so he says he is satisfied like with his ex- "loose" gf but how can i be sure?!

Thank you again very much for your help!

[rcoreyus]

There are certainly men who are bi. There are also men who enjoy receiving anal and confuse that with being gay.

It sounds like he enjoys kinky sex. There is nothing wrong with this, but it is not someone everyone likes. If you enjoy this sort of play with him, then that is fine, but if if it bothers you then you will not be happy long term. If he enjoys this, he will not be happy long term with only "vanilla" sex.

I wouldn't worry about him being gay. He clearly enjoys sex with women (you), and even if he is attracted to men, that doesn't mean he needs to act on the attraction.

Also, I think willingness to perform oral on a partner is a strong indication that you are attracted to that gender. It puts you directly in intimate contact with there genitals in a way you can't ignore or fantasize away. Since he enjoys doing this for you, I think he really is attracted to women.

[Hopeless Dork]

ps. " But my concern would be that he expressed that settling down with a woman is the 'normal' thing to do, and thats why he wants to do it, it sounds a lot like his breaking up with the 'loose' woman, etc..."

i didnt really get your point here!

What I meant was you said "but he wants to be with a girl because its a normal relationship" and when you said " girl that could do anything, he was enjoying but he doesn't want a loose girlfriend for serious relationship" It sounds like he's not real clear on what he WANTS vs what he thinks is "normal" or what he thinks he's "supposed" to have in his life. That's what I was comparing there.. as to what would be my area of concern. It's almost as if he's conflicted... has all these ideas of what he's supposed to have, supposed to be... but still has interests in things that don't fit into his plan.

The only concern I would have with that is that one day he would come to the realization that living to fit someone elses ideals isn't living... and decide he wants to do what he wants to... saying to heck with what I'm supposed to or be with... so it would be important to me, if I were you, to fully understand what it is that he wants in his life... if he even knows... and how you fit into that. To make sure that you are not just what he's supposed to settle down with, but what he WANTS to settle down with... know what I mean?

I'm not saying, by any means that you AREN'T everything he wants, I'm just pointing out those two sentences you gave made it sound like he's a little shifty on figuring out what will make him ultimately happy.

I think when you love someone its okay and actually rather important to fullfill their (reasonable) fantasies, even if some aren't your 'faves', so long as he returns the favor and treats you with all the respect you feel you deserve from him. And by reasonable I mean nothing that compromises your emotional or physical well-being... and nothing that hurts your feelings or makes you feel bad.

I wouldn't be too concerned over his lack of steady relationships, everyone gets to the point they only want 1 at their own pace. Communication is going to be what helps you through this, talking to him openly and honestly about your fears, your feelings, never judging, never accusing, never blaming... and letting him be open and honest with you about his fears, his feelings etc... its the only way to make things work.

[Brawn]

I completely got your point now Hopeless Dork! and i totally agree with you....i think you are right! you speak wise i can see that you have advised many girls here and thank you!
I am wondering... this kind of people that are insecure and do not know what the want or they suppose to have etc are they trustworthy?!Cause he seemed very polite ,quite and pleasant when i met him but then he turned to have all these weird sexual "things" and also trying sex with a male friend before .... don't these people have "issues" as you also said?!

Thank you for your reply Rcoreyus ....what's your opinion about having gay sex in the past?is this considered kikny sex?!he says that as long as i'm ok with his "sexual needs" he is satisfied but if you try chocolate and someone offers you again even if you are on diet won't you take it?!and i know that men have their prostate their etc etc but trying sex with a male friend when young even if he had girlfriends after that, doesn't mean anything?!

[rcoreyus]

His gay sex in the past probably means that he is Bi. He will probably remain attracted to men and women - but that isn't a big problem. Most people are also attracted to someone other than their spouse - that doesn't mean they need to act on that attraction.

He may have also found gay sex to be physically pleasurable, but now he can get the same from you if you are happy with his somewhat kinky interests.

[TooTiebug]

I know exactly what you are going through!!! Go read my post under the "sex" category. The heading is "i think my boyfriend is bisexual." I am still so confused and am trying to figure everything out for myself at this point.