[lett431]

I will just jump right in...

I am 20 years old, and have never had a long lasting relationship. I think the boyfriend I had the longest was 3 months, maybe 2.

I do not get attached to my boyfriends, and, for the most part, am pretty unattached to my friends as well.

Don't get me wrong, there are certain people I care very much about, but mostly I am just interested in pursuing my goals and staying busy. I feel guilty if I don't get the things done that I want to in a day, and almost never make spending time with other people a priority.

Lately, I have been flirting with a lot of guys, a few of whom are interested in dating me, but I have no interest in any sort of deeper relationship, especially if it involves sex.

I have never really enjoyed sex except for a few times, and have a very low libido. I also get no pleasure out of masturbation, (which I've tried less than 5 times in my life).

Because of my lack of interest in men, I'm beginning to question my sexuality. I have had 1 sexual encounter with a girl, although I was definitely not in my most sober state... and currently have a thing for a friend of mine who is 24 years old, and one of the best people I know...

She is unbelievably nice to me, and I told her last year that I think I am gay or at least bi. I think I have feelings for her, but I literally avoid her for months at a time because the idea of liking someone, let along a woman, is entirely too scary.

Not only am I afraid of getting hurt or let down by someone, but being lesbian would surprise if not alienate many of my friends and family.

What do I do? How do I even begin to start trusting people and figuring out my sexuality?

As for which kind of sex I like better... it's mixed. But perhaps I shouldn't get into that too much on the relationship forums! :P

Any input is appreciated!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hiya sweet.

I think that alot of girls are bi-curious and will also take the next step to see...

I think women appreciate "women" they way they understand emotions, can converse together easily and often we also mistake liking a style of a person right down to how they dress, to being attracted to them when the attraction could be what you "want" to be.

It is very normal to be ambitious and not to want to enter into anything that will stop your goals, dreams.. However, you "should" enjoy the lust stages, sexually unless you are fearful that you may fall for him, therefore hold back? This only you can answer.

Masterbation is an art in a way... If you are the sort of person that needs visual, for instance or a man, then it may mean nothing to you, but also practise makes perfect with anything in life

If you are bi or gay, embrase it, it's who you are... Family and friends at the end of the day, should accept you for who you are. But whilst you are not really sure, I'd just explore all avenues that is of interest to you, safely until you are sure.

[jns]

You might be surprised about how strong you libido can be when you meet the right person, whether it be a guy or a girl. It sounds like are still unsure of what way you will go. Since you don't want sex at the beginning, make sure that is known. It will keep away those who want a casual relationship. Become good at figuring out if a person is lying. Because of the problems you expect to have with a same sex relationship, keep any situations very discrete until you decide.

[rcoreyus]

Its perfectly fine to be straight, gay, bi, or none. Just be careful not to hurt someone if you get too deep into a relationship before you figure out what you really want.

[lett431]

Thanks everyone

I think my parents suspect something since I have never had a "real relationship." I heard my dad talking to one of his friends about it, to see if my lack of relationships is "normal" for my age ...whatever that is.

It makes sense that I might be mistaking feelings for my friend that come from wanting to be more like her. She's very attractive, smart, and funny, and I would definitely like to be more like her... But I also get impulses to kiss her.... so I don't know

Thanks for everyone being supportive. It's always surprising to hear about how open a lot of people are about sexuality these days. It definitely makes me feel less afraid of my friends and family turning on me if I decided that I am bi or gay.

[Ashlee T.]

Inner demons trying to hold you back? Girl...embrace yourself. No labels. I think every person on the planet who determined they were gay felt anxiety about how their parents would react. Some of them lost connections with their families as a result. Some of them were embraced by their families as a result. But either way, I have never met even ONE gay person who regretted coming out of the closet. Does it mean you're gay because you developed an attraction to a woman? Nope. Us ladies are very sexually transient creatures. We're beautiful, why wouldn't be be? Straight, Gay, Bi, ==== doesn't even matter. What matters is that you open your heart to love. What matters is that you first learn to love YOURSELF the way you are, so that you can live a healthy and happy life regardless of who it is with.

[Something_Awesome]

How are the guys that you've dated? Are they alpha males? Do you clash with them sometimes? Do they feel intimidated? I could be sooooo wrong on this, but you sound like an Alpha female that may want total control over the relationship, and maybe you subconsciously want a guy to fill the submissive role?

And I am not talking about dominatrix stuff. I think you just may need to lead the relationship? Is that what you desire?

[Champagne_Supernova]

It doesn't matter how many people of what sex you've dated. it matters when you look at a woman, or man what sort of response you feel. It's perfectly normal to have stronger feelings towards males, females, or neither! It's also possible to be Asexual, where you don't really have strong sexual desires, by yourself or with others. Many Asexuals still go on to have perfectly happy relationships with others. As scary as it may seem, discovering your sexuality can become liberating, in that you don't have to wonder "what's going on?", anymore. I'd suggest hanging out with the people you enjoy being around, regardless of being scared about sexual desires. Your friend seemed to be okay with your confession of possibly being attracted to the same sex, so maybe it'd be a little easier if you brainstormed with her (I don't know how comfortable you are with her, nor how long you've been friends). I'd just encourage you to do what feels right to you, and what makes you most happy, and not wonder "if you're doing it right", heterosexual relationships aren't for everyone, homosexual relationships aren't for everyone, hell, sexual relationships aren't for everyone, or relationships at all! don't stress, you're young, and life is one big learning experience! Sorry for the long post, good luck!