Hello, I have a concern that has affected me deeply and need some help from you ladies as to what I should do about it.. Im a man 49 years young.. Pretty athletic.. Meaning I swim often doing laps, jog. walk, play with my kids, ride bikes, hiking etc. I dont lay around the house watching Tv as I like the outdoors too much. My concern is my boys mother.
You see, I've been married twice in my lifetime. Been with 3 women total since high school.
My first marriage, I will call Julie (which is not the topic) lasted 16 years and ended due to her becoming self destructive with herself by drugs and alcohol and hurting my children by ignoring my older boys involvement that she was doing but he became worse then hot boxed my 5 year old by putting him under a blanket and got him stoned. I called police and had CCS involved but all they did was a temporary removal of the children until all the pot plants that were growing in the house were removed. We tried counseling but she walked out and that ended our relationship. She has since cleaned up her act and is a very good mother again. By the way, I had 4 Children with her. Our last boy now who was the 5 year old at the time has lived with me since he was 12 and is now 15 years old.
Now there's wife number 2. We can call her Sara. I married in 2002 after meeting her in a internet dating website set up by my then 12 year old son. When I met her, there was instant chemistry, all I could think of was her. At that time she was what I was looking for in a woman. I didnt call her back right away as I was busy with work and my boys, but as some women do she got sexually involved with someone else and once she heard from me she stopped. We dated for awhile.. I had some insecurity issues as I was shocked she jump into bed with someone else after we met and then made the biggest mistake if ther had been anyone else I should know about.. and I gotta saw WOW.. I was floored.. Anyway, our relationship started off a bit rocky but we ended up getting married nearly 9 months later.
Now to step back a bit, I have to let you know that she too had been married once before to a really nice guy. Long story short they both had cheated on each other. Him, years before and her before they divorced. She left her children with him and moved 4 hours away from the children in hope that he would follow her. He didnt and sometime after, we met. Now I was always concerned that she would do the comparing thing and she did.. I new she still loved the guy and would allow her pride to keep her from going back with him. I even offered for her to really think about this and talk to him to see if they could mend their relationship. They had been married for 14 years.. She did talk to him and wanted to stay with me.
We married in August and had a beautiful wedding on the cliffs. Went ot Hawaii and did the honeymoon thing that was great. We went on some cruises and enjoyed company together but she qickly became this negative person. We became distant but like some we had better time in bed having sex than anything. We ended up having 2 more children a few years later and she became veery distant. At the time I had owned my own company and had my own issues.. I cant say Im abusive verbally but I can say I have said some hurtful things. I would apologize for what I said but when she would do something it was always my fault. This would happen often with her and somehow it was always my fault. Lets pass this part.. If you want to know more about that I will tell you later if you ask. So.. Seven years goes by and she loses her job, and gets involved with a guy friend of hers in Mass. It the started to affect everything.. Her, Household, attitude, me,kids, everything. We were losing our house which I had put in her name. She became closer to this guy Ralph (in Mass.)and started an emotional affair. We separated and she left the house and took the boys to the next city over and enrolled them in school there without my knowing about it over xmas break. She then applied to get into an apartment complex and I was so heartbroken for all I was devistated. We shortly divorced a few months later. I was still living in the house and had to move out so we had decided that I should live in the same apt complex she was in as it was better for the children and would make it easier for us to help each other. As odd as it turned up the very day that I moved in the only apt that was available for the next 2 weeks was the one that had just given notice that very day and had to move out thqat very day was right next door to her. Strange right?? S we moved me in there right next door.. She had her place, I had mine. I had taken classes on how to deal with things and an anger management class that I chose to do on my own as I felt I was getting out of control. It wasnt court suggested or ordered. She didnt do any of that. Instead she chose to take belly dancing lessons and do gym things. However one day she was at her sisters house and met a guy that was having his hair cut at her sisters house. .They quickly becoame involved and she ended up sleeping with him. The following day she broke down in tears and told me what she had done and why. Her explanation to me was that she felt it would cut me out of her life sever the ties so to speak and I would get angry and leave. Instead when she told me, I was shocked. I said "What" got up and walked outdside just so angry. All of the sudden not 5 steps out of the apartment I felt a calming.. I stopped and returned to her apartment and proceeded to comfort her as she was crying. I told her it was ok and that I loved her and apologized that she had to go through that. She said that she realized that she had made a mistake and that she didnt want to put our children through this and wanted to work through things with me. She said that she wanted her freedom to do what she wanted and wanted to feel independant which by the way is nothing I ever kept her from doing.
Months later we moved again. This time to a private gated community that had a lake and was absolutely awesome! Unfortunately, it was away from the big city and until recently thats all she ever loved. She recently obtained a job trough a private Charter School in the area as an instructor for parents that homeschool their children. She loves it and I thought everything was moving forward.
Then this guy Ralph enters the picture again.. Now I have to say he didnt search her out, she searched him out and right away, the children and I were noticing total mood changes and how she treated both them and me. For the record, I have known evey time she gets in contact with this guy as her personality changes and not for the best but for the worse. She had promised me time and time again that she wouldnt contact hom and our relationship moves forward again and the she contacts him then it goes down.. I let her know that I love her always.. If she wants to go to him and get this done I will be here.. I wont be happy about it but I will be here. We arent married as she keeps throwing that in my face. Recently, she was again in touch with this guy and she ahs now decided and informed me that she loved the fact that Im the greatest dad shes ever seen but she no longer loves me and in fact she told me that she married me out of conveinence. That she was hoping her boys would want to leave their father for me and move to San Diego. Needless to say I was upset and shocked to say the least. Im mean the gull of a person saying that blew my mind. She then had told me she had been planning to leave and I said "well, when were you planning to do that? She then said in a year. I told well if you were planning to leave perhaps you need to go to your sister awhile and think about it." She packed up some of her clothes and I put them in her car and she left. Ten minutes went by and she came back home and said she wasnt leaving and that she would stay in the motorhome. She later came in and told me in the home that was in my name only that she wants to stay here but as a business proposition for the benefit of the boys as she doesnt want to leave them the way she did her last set of boys. Right now I have a 15 year old from my previous marriage and our 2 sons ages 7 and 8. She has made it clear that I am the one with issues and need to see a counselor. I dont see it that way but have agreed and I have aligned up a meeting with a couselor locally. Again for the children. They see what she does and how she acts.. They are very upset with her and I dont like that. She is still their mother.I dont bash her to the kids butI have told them like when we ask her to go to the pool with us and she says no to all of us I would say thats ok kids,, I guess mims too busy to be with us... I like to be a sexual person and thats al shes used me for for years. But Im at the point to where I dont even want to look at her and then this morning she said to me Looking at your penis is like looking at my brothers.. Which is strange because she doesn't have a brother. We are living in the house together but we dont even share a hug anymore as she want to not confuse me as she has in the past wanting to have sex and saying the things she does during sex.. I dont know what I should do here.. Should I keep trying? She has a father that I beleive has mental issues and Im concerned she does as well and doesnt want to accpet it.. She NEVER takes fault and always has reason for someone esle causing problems.. Shes very judgmental and feels evryone should be doing ewverything for her. I cook 4 time a week, clean the house, dust, mop, clean outside, laundry, bathrooms. I am semi retired and dont mind it but to assume Im gonna walk behind and clean after everyone is wrong in my mind. Shes teaching my boys this and I have a problem with that. I have mentioned it to her and she doesnt think I really dont do enough. I bring in about 3600 a month and she working brings in 3900 a month.
So at this point of my life being 49 years old, Im undedcided. Part of me wants the relationship to work and the other part is starting to feel its time for her to go. I feel like im too old for someone to want to start a relationship with me at this age . Im a Leo love my children to death and would do anything for them. Right now Im in limbo. Its very painful to the heart and I worry for her still. I feel I deserve to be with someone that LOVES me for me. Not what her expectaions should be.
Any input? Id sure like to hear some.
Thank You!
You see, I've been married twice in my lifetime. Been with 3 women total since high school.
My first marriage, I will call Julie (which is not the topic) lasted 16 years and ended due to her becoming self destructive with herself by drugs and alcohol and hurting my children by ignoring my older boys involvement that she was doing but he became worse then hot boxed my 5 year old by putting him under a blanket and got him stoned. I called police and had CCS involved but all they did was a temporary removal of the children until all the pot plants that were growing in the house were removed. We tried counseling but she walked out and that ended our relationship. She has since cleaned up her act and is a very good mother again. By the way, I had 4 Children with her. Our last boy now who was the 5 year old at the time has lived with me since he was 12 and is now 15 years old.
Now there's wife number 2. We can call her Sara. I married in 2002 after meeting her in a internet dating website set up by my then 12 year old son. When I met her, there was instant chemistry, all I could think of was her. At that time she was what I was looking for in a woman. I didnt call her back right away as I was busy with work and my boys, but as some women do she got sexually involved with someone else and once she heard from me she stopped. We dated for awhile.. I had some insecurity issues as I was shocked she jump into bed with someone else after we met and then made the biggest mistake if ther had been anyone else I should know about.. and I gotta saw WOW.. I was floored.. Anyway, our relationship started off a bit rocky but we ended up getting married nearly 9 months later.
Now to step back a bit, I have to let you know that she too had been married once before to a really nice guy. Long story short they both had cheated on each other. Him, years before and her before they divorced. She left her children with him and moved 4 hours away from the children in hope that he would follow her. He didnt and sometime after, we met. Now I was always concerned that she would do the comparing thing and she did.. I new she still loved the guy and would allow her pride to keep her from going back with him. I even offered for her to really think about this and talk to him to see if they could mend their relationship. They had been married for 14 years.. She did talk to him and wanted to stay with me.
We married in August and had a beautiful wedding on the cliffs. Went ot Hawaii and did the honeymoon thing that was great. We went on some cruises and enjoyed company together but she qickly became this negative person. We became distant but like some we had better time in bed having sex than anything. We ended up having 2 more children a few years later and she became veery distant. At the time I had owned my own company and had my own issues.. I cant say Im abusive verbally but I can say I have said some hurtful things. I would apologize for what I said but when she would do something it was always my fault. This would happen often with her and somehow it was always my fault. Lets pass this part.. If you want to know more about that I will tell you later if you ask. So.. Seven years goes by and she loses her job, and gets involved with a guy friend of hers in Mass. It the started to affect everything.. Her, Household, attitude, me,kids, everything. We were losing our house which I had put in her name. She became closer to this guy Ralph (in Mass.)and started an emotional affair. We separated and she left the house and took the boys to the next city over and enrolled them in school there without my knowing about it over xmas break. She then applied to get into an apartment complex and I was so heartbroken for all I was devistated. We shortly divorced a few months later. I was still living in the house and had to move out so we had decided that I should live in the same apt complex she was in as it was better for the children and would make it easier for us to help each other. As odd as it turned up the very day that I moved in the only apt that was available for the next 2 weeks was the one that had just given notice that very day and had to move out thqat very day was right next door to her. Strange right?? S we moved me in there right next door.. She had her place, I had mine. I had taken classes on how to deal with things and an anger management class that I chose to do on my own as I felt I was getting out of control. It wasnt court suggested or ordered. She didnt do any of that. Instead she chose to take belly dancing lessons and do gym things. However one day she was at her sisters house and met a guy that was having his hair cut at her sisters house. .They quickly becoame involved and she ended up sleeping with him. The following day she broke down in tears and told me what she had done and why. Her explanation to me was that she felt it would cut me out of her life sever the ties so to speak and I would get angry and leave. Instead when she told me, I was shocked. I said "What" got up and walked outdside just so angry. All of the sudden not 5 steps out of the apartment I felt a calming.. I stopped and returned to her apartment and proceeded to comfort her as she was crying. I told her it was ok and that I loved her and apologized that she had to go through that. She said that she realized that she had made a mistake and that she didnt want to put our children through this and wanted to work through things with me. She said that she wanted her freedom to do what she wanted and wanted to feel independant which by the way is nothing I ever kept her from doing.
Months later we moved again. This time to a private gated community that had a lake and was absolutely awesome! Unfortunately, it was away from the big city and until recently thats all she ever loved. She recently obtained a job trough a private Charter School in the area as an instructor for parents that homeschool their children. She loves it and I thought everything was moving forward.
Then this guy Ralph enters the picture again.. Now I have to say he didnt search her out, she searched him out and right away, the children and I were noticing total mood changes and how she treated both them and me. For the record, I have known evey time she gets in contact with this guy as her personality changes and not for the best but for the worse. She had promised me time and time again that she wouldnt contact hom and our relationship moves forward again and the she contacts him then it goes down.. I let her know that I love her always.. If she wants to go to him and get this done I will be here.. I wont be happy about it but I will be here. We arent married as she keeps throwing that in my face. Recently, she was again in touch with this guy and she ahs now decided and informed me that she loved the fact that Im the greatest dad shes ever seen but she no longer loves me and in fact she told me that she married me out of conveinence. That she was hoping her boys would want to leave their father for me and move to San Diego. Needless to say I was upset and shocked to say the least. Im mean the gull of a person saying that blew my mind. She then had told me she had been planning to leave and I said "well, when were you planning to do that? She then said in a year. I told well if you were planning to leave perhaps you need to go to your sister awhile and think about it." She packed up some of her clothes and I put them in her car and she left. Ten minutes went by and she came back home and said she wasnt leaving and that she would stay in the motorhome. She later came in and told me in the home that was in my name only that she wants to stay here but as a business proposition for the benefit of the boys as she doesnt want to leave them the way she did her last set of boys. Right now I have a 15 year old from my previous marriage and our 2 sons ages 7 and 8. She has made it clear that I am the one with issues and need to see a counselor. I dont see it that way but have agreed and I have aligned up a meeting with a couselor locally. Again for the children. They see what she does and how she acts.. They are very upset with her and I dont like that. She is still their mother.I dont bash her to the kids butI have told them like when we ask her to go to the pool with us and she says no to all of us I would say thats ok kids,, I guess mims too busy to be with us... I like to be a sexual person and thats al shes used me for for years. But Im at the point to where I dont even want to look at her and then this morning she said to me Looking at your penis is like looking at my brothers.. Which is strange because she doesn't have a brother. We are living in the house together but we dont even share a hug anymore as she want to not confuse me as she has in the past wanting to have sex and saying the things she does during sex.. I dont know what I should do here.. Should I keep trying? She has a father that I beleive has mental issues and Im concerned she does as well and doesnt want to accpet it.. She NEVER takes fault and always has reason for someone esle causing problems.. Shes very judgmental and feels evryone should be doing ewverything for her. I cook 4 time a week, clean the house, dust, mop, clean outside, laundry, bathrooms. I am semi retired and dont mind it but to assume Im gonna walk behind and clean after everyone is wrong in my mind. Shes teaching my boys this and I have a problem with that. I have mentioned it to her and she doesnt think I really dont do enough. I bring in about 3600 a month and she working brings in 3900 a month.
So at this point of my life being 49 years old, Im undedcided. Part of me wants the relationship to work and the other part is starting to feel its time for her to go. I feel like im too old for someone to want to start a relationship with me at this age . Im a Leo love my children to death and would do anything for them. Right now Im in limbo. Its very painful to the heart and I worry for her still. I feel I deserve to be with someone that LOVES me for me. Not what her expectaions should be.
Any input? Id sure like to hear some.
Thank You!
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