[LoisLane]

I have with him for almost 3 years now, he has raised my son since he was 6mths old, but we've always had trust issues.

I can honestly say that I have been 100% faithful in this relationship, he is the guy I want to would love to spend the rest of my life with. Here's a bit of background...

He left his secret girlfriend of 6 years to be with me and my son. I used to get very curious as to who he was texting at random times of the night, so I checked it out. So happens, it was his ex. The conversations they were having were not appropriate what-so-ever. At least, not for someone who is in a relationship... I eventually called him out on it and he told me it was "just a joke". ********, if you ask me. Anyway.. I made him chose her or me.. and he picked me, and was supposed to cut off all ties to this other woman.

I cave him the benefit of the doubt about him not talking to her. So I stopped snooping through his phone for a while. We had an awful breakup or "break" a couple months ago, then worked it out. I was just curious the other day, because I was leaving for vacation May 28th for 2weeks... and I found a text to a girl, asking if she would go out to lunch with him?!?!?!?!?! I looked up her name on FB, and she happens to be some beautiful model (from out local area), she told him that she had a photo shoot and wasn't going to be able to. He replied to let him know when she could. This girl is way younger than him, I've never heard him talk about her, he isn't friends with her on FB... so I'm confused. I deleted the text message from his phone, along with her number. He hasn't mentioned anything to me yet about it... which he probably wouldn't anyway. But.. I don't know what to do. Call him out? I'm heartbroken, and not enjoying my vacation because this is all I can think about...

it makes me sick to my stomach..

[wishy0uwerehere]

he has now betrayed your trust on multiple occasions. i would be heartbroken too...i am very sorry about this you do need to confront him...if you dont, it will eat you up inside and hurt even more. what you do from then on is up to you...forgive him and move on, or cut all ties. but in my opinion, this is unfair to you...if he loves you, why would he keep doing this over and over again? you CAN find someone who will not do things like this and will actually deserve your trust. one mistake is okay, because people are human, but the same mistake over and over again?... :/

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He left his secret girlfriend of 6 years to be with me and my son.

That's a long time to keep a secret.. You know she, this girl would surely have alot of feeling for him. 6 Years is a long time...

When you say secret, obviously from others. So was she really a "girlfriend" or a form of Mistress.

Seems that he has not grown up. He wants the "girlfriend" and what is attached to that but he still wants to play the field.

You say you argue and had a huge fight recently. Is this due to in-security (rightly so) about his behaviour or other factors?

If you know that he can't help but be a serial cheater, what do you intend to do about it?

[LoisLane]

I have been away for 11 days, so I was unable to know about anything he was texting back and forth to this girl while I was gone. I read his phone this morning though......

His text between this girl and him went along the lines of this

Him "I'm curious why you gave me your number? What changed your mind?"

Her "You gave me your number first, I figured I would give you mine"

Him "Oh, I wanted you to put your phone in my pack... (I cant remember what else was said here)"

Her "Stoppppp"

Him "Are you interested?"

Her "Yes"

Him "I'm surprised you are interested in a ho-hum old man like myself"
........................................

After quickly making a choice, I added a reply from him saying "I have a girlfriend though" and hit send. Then I deleted it off the tread so he wouldn't see it.

I was working with him this morning, and his phone went off (text noise) and his face fell white while he was reading it. He looked really upset through a couple more texts, but I didn't say anything. He kept asking me what was wrong all day at work..

[LoisLane]

The fight was about our insecurities, yes. Which he has double-standards when it comes to flirting with others...

He can 'sext' his ex and it is "only a joke". and I'm sure if I called him out on this new girl.. he would come up with an excuse as well. I'm never right.

"it's different".. BOLOGNA!! I'm so sick and tired of trying so da*n hard to please him and MAKE a relationship with him, for him to not put any effort into it. Why does this happen? I love him with all my heart and would NEVER do anything to risk losing him. I just don't get it....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Relationships are not about working "that hard" it's about both parties working towards maintaining a good relationship, you are doing all the work with very little reward.

I never understand why someone can say they love someone with ALL their heart when the person they love doesn't feel the same way. If he did, he would stop all of this but he doesn't, because he can't, and because he doesn't want to. He wants his cake and wants to eat it to.

I laughed at what you did, it was naughty and I can imagine his face But, hon, ultimately she's gone and there will be a next.

You still didn't answer my question regarding "secret girlfriend" ...?

[LoisLane]

Secret girlfriend. Okay, wayyyy back when, when he was in high school, he founded a crush for his Calculus teacher (her). He went into the military and when he came back, apparently his parents were getting a divorce. He had no where to go, he had kept in contact with this teacher of his, and she offered him a place to stay. That is when the relationship began, I guess. I don't remember the entire story he told me. She is MUCH older than him. 16 or 17 years older. (every guys dream, right?...)

I think this is why they kept it a secret. She has a teenage daughter, and she didn't even know they were a couple. On the weeks she stayed at her moms house, they slept in different rooms. He had his own, I'm guessing. Then, when she wasn't there, they could be together. They never did anything outside of the house together, other than golfing, from what I had gathered. What a shame...

Hope this answers your question.

[Charlie12]

Unfortunately you have to face reality, which is that you are with an unfaithful person, or at least a person who knows that they themselves are in a committed relationship and still is out of there looking for other opportunities. You need to do everything in your power to raise your own self esteem and self worth and learn to know that you deserve better, you need to feel that you deserve better or else you'll put up with this ****, oh, and believe me, it's likely to get a lot worse.

Long story short, you need to leave the guy. If you must, give him one more shot after you called him out on all his BS and then the moment he screws up again, which you'll expect, you need to then leave him for someone who treats you right.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

A Cougar Do you know a lot of guys are propositioned into that type of relationship from an older woman whom is lonely.. He just happened to be one of them.

So though, he knows how to sneak around therefore right?

And, perhaps if his parents got divorced it has really affected him to the extent that he doesn't trust relationships and therefore, "hides" there as well behind that mask, having his cake and eating it to...

You should ask him what the Divorce meant to him. Guys that see things they don't like in their parents, often carry it forward into their own lives, with non - trust.

He may never settle down.

[jamesmarshalls]

comfront him don't be afraid although this is a second time tell him how you feels and every details.