[xosmann]

I am in a relationship with a very nice and extremely patient man who shows no emotion at all. After several conversations, I could tell that he wasn't my type. But still, I proceeded. Within four or five months we got into a committed relationship. Then within two months we got pregnant. We were both happy that we were pregnant, however, 6 weeks into the pregnancy I told him I want to break up with him because I'm not getting the love, affection and attention that I need. He said no he didn't want to break up. So I talked to him about how I was feeling in the relationship and what my expectations are. With plenty teeth pulling and in so many words, he said he will try. Fast forward two years later (our daughter is now 1 year old) and VERY LITTLE has changed. I am a very loving person. In my relationships I love to touch and be touched, I love to laugh and be playful, I like to get out and do fun things. However, it appears that he likes none of these things. I have tried time and time again to be affectionate by giving him hugs, touching his butt when he walks by, walking up behind him and holding him, all to no avail it seems. He does not reciprocate and it makes me feel rejected, unloved and unwanted. I've also tried to do different things with him in the bedroom, including oral sex, and no response. I've tried foreplay (kissing him on his neck and all over his body gently & slowly) and he tells me to stop because it tickles. After almost a year and a half of this rejection, I gave up. I stopped touching him (he slapped me on the butt two or three times since), I stopped trying to spice things up in the bedroom (because he doesnt appear to enjoy any of it) and I stopped laughing and being playful (because he told me to my face that I am not funny). In essence, I stopped being myself. In the two years that we've been together, he has NEVER, EVER told me how he feels about me. He has NEVER, EVER said a sweet word to me to make me feel good about myself, special, loved or even wanted by him (he doesn't say anything bad either). HE IS COMPLETELY EMOTION-LESS! As a result, I ask him a lot of direct and indirect questions just searching for something to go on, something that let's me know that he wants me and that he wants to be with me. He NEVER answers any of my questions. I AM SO FRUSTRATED in this relationship. He shows emotion when it comes to our daughter and she loves him dearly. Whenever I see him showing emotions toward her, I tell him that's exactly what I need (hugs & kisses). He just smiles. Since the first "break up" I have broken up with him two more times and each time he told me he's hurt over it. Then he goes and does NOTHING all over again. These are the types of issues that make people cheat. Before I stoop to that level, I would break up with him. I am starving for love, affection, attention, conversation (about us), short term & long term plans, goals, dreams and laughter. Please help me!

[acerousme]

ooo honey, this is a tough one!

So you know what you crave...and that's good. In my opinion you have three options. Keep living like this, keep living like this, and go to counselling with him to mend the problem, or leave, even if he doesn't like it! Seriously, tough tater tots if he doesn't like it.

Maybe try the counselling with him first, and if that doesn't help, leave. You come first. Yes you have a child with the man but your basic emotional needs are not being met. That is NOT fair to you. And I am so sorry for that. No woman should ever have to feel rejected, and unloved.

So, welcome to the WH family! And I hope my post has helped you a bit. If you need to talk, I'm just a message away.

[jns]

There is a saying: "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it." Not meaning to be mean, but you forged ahead even though there were compatibility issues. You sound perfectly playful, but guys generally don't change. He has learned to hide emotions very well. Can you live with that? If not, go to counseling to see if the situation can be modified. Try to get him to go, too. It may be that splitting up may be the only option you can live with. BTW, don't get jealous that he shows emotion with his daughter. That could mean that there is hope that a properly skilled counselor could bring him out of his shell.

[KMonte85]

I'm not sure what your expectations were here. The man was upfront since the very beginning of your relationship that he's not an emotional person. He was not hiding who he really was, so why did you make the conscious decision to stick around? Did you think you could change him? You're asking him to change the very essence of his being.

If you're miserable and starving for affection, it's time you try couples counselling to see if, with the help of a professional, you two can find happiness together.

[xosmann]

I agree with you all that I should go to couples counseling with my partner or leave. I plan to ask him and hopefully I'll get a favorable response. And I accept full responsibility for going into this relationship knowing their were issues up front. Thank you all for your time.

[acerousme]

Let us know how it goes We are here for you