[MummyWild]

To cut an insanely long and complicated story short I am a mother of three, and had a friend.. With benefits. And it was amazing, to be no strings an feeling free, there's nothing quite like it

Forgot to mention I'm married - but separated. Kids only knew my friend as a family friend and nothing more. This guys ex.. Well she was my best friend. His parents hate me, even though they don't actually know anything is going on. I think his mother is amazing, would do almost anything to have her like me. My dad thinks this guy, let's call him CG, is the reason I broke up with my husband (so not the case, I'm just fed up of him not being a father and never making me his wife not just on paper but in life) and is now threatening CG to stay away. It's a giant mess.

Want to know what makes it even more messy? We're in love now.. And in a secret relationship. All I want to do is hand out flyers telling the world how lucky I am to meet my match. And beyond. In all ways. But I can't, he doesn't think it's the right time, and my head agrees with him. Hearts a little sorry for its self, but oh well.

I am one of those silly people that need reassurance of another's feelings, and will feel like running from this love ten times a day. I'll be seconds away from telling him to leave, it's over.. And he'll say just the right thing to keep me grounded for a little longer. And he doesn't even know it. Anyone know how this feels?

Just opinions from you lovely ladies and gentlemen would mean the world to me, and advice on how to make this mess work. I do love him, and he could very well be (so cliche I know) the/my one.

[LittlePip]

It's so hard to stick with a feeling, I would go as far as to describe as unwelcome. You can't help who you fall in love with, you could try cutting him out of your life but you'd soon realise how deep your feelings run and that there was a reason you are putting yourself through all this heartache with your ex, your dad, etc. If you've found something you think is real and worth fighting for then fight.

I would urge you not to drag everyone into it too soon, your kids don't need to hear that you've found someone new only for you to break up a couple of months later, but I think you've realised this already.

You are a 'single' woman (you might be best to keep it that way until the divorce is finalised!) and are free to do as you want, or need. Just be sensible, as you are, and take things slowly. The best laid plans can go awry, from friends with bens to lovers can be a daunting leap, your new guy, CG, seems understanding enough, if he can take it slow I see no problem.

You need to talk to your dad, you're a big girl and get to make your own decisions now. Might it help to be completely honest with him? Explain you split up with your ex, then developed feelings for CG and that you're not rushing into anything but you'd like to explore this and see where it goes? He must want you to be happy? Tell him how much it would mean to you to have his blessing but that ultimately it is your and CG's choice and if he wants to be involved the best way to do it is by supporting you.

I hope I've made some sense here! Good luck x

[Charleena]

To be honest, if you're in love with this guy, it isn't 'friends with benefits'. It's an affair.

(edit ) As a now young adult who used to be a kid in a family that went through a lot of separations, affairs, and secrets, (Edit) I understand you and your husband aren't meant for each other anymore - sometimes, that just happens and it's the sad truth. But since you have kids involved in this situation I would really recommend that you focus on them rather than the affair. That being said, it sounds like a divorce needs to be made. 'CG' should be understanding enough to hold back a little on your affair until the divorce is finalized and the legalities out of the way. If he is any way involved in the divorce, things will get sloppy, messy, and the kids will find out the secret the wrong and most worse way.

Please be responsible for your kids. I wish someone told my parents <-------- that when I was still a kid. I know it's great to be wrapped up in love, especially when it's forbidden. I don't have a problem with you falling in love at all. But your in a situation with a lot of loose ends that need to be tied up for the future to be sturdy. It might not be fun to tie all those ends, but you'll never regret going about a situation the honest way.

P.s if your kids are old enough to understand what marriage is and they know you are hanging out with CG, even if it's just as friends, they already expect you to be having an affair with him. Kids know that stuff, even if they don't know how to put it into words. I did when I was just seven years old. You might want to talk to your kids sometime soon to make sure they understand your feelings and intentions.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I do think that you will find that CG's parents know exactly what is going on but just are not speaking. And, then your parents are not happy either.

I think the one main reason could be that you have only recently seperated yes? And, I'm not sure if he came into the picture before hand or not, but there is a reason why all 4 Adults are not happy about it. Can you elaborate there? Maybe that may help with working out how to appease the Adults.

I appreciate that Marriages fail, mine did And, I appreciate the feeling of finding someone right, who really does love you, as I have But, yes, there are children there too and I am pleased that they only know him as a friend for now.

Do you see CG several times a week? Or only once or twice? Again, I guess I am just trying to get a better picture of this, to reply further.

[MummyWild]

Okay, I'll try and give more detail

CG has been a family friend for about a year now, and we started "friends with benefits" in may, not long (very soon intact) after me and husband made the decision to split. And yes, I should have waited longer, but that's done now. And how life is right now, I wouldn't change anything. My and husband have been sleeping in different beds for over a year, and have no intimacy what so ever for years, and at 22.. I cannot hack that. Maybe with time and age, we could've worked things out, but to be honest, a part of me doesn't want to. We are awful together, as separate people with have excelled at parenting and life.

My children are very young, all under five.. So I won't be having any talks with them soon. CG has been a part of there lives for a year now, and we were very close friends through out, so they've always seen us together and are used to it. I'd say six months to a year is about right to then let him be more apart of my family?? Any ideas ?

And the divorce will be at least a year away, I don't expect husband to be celibate throughout, and I expect the same treatment. Split is split, to me.

CG is unlike any man I've known, let alone been with.. And my feelings of wanting to run from my emotions have diminished somewhat. I see him fairly regularly, mostly at night when all children are sleeping. I'd say he sees the children no more than twice a week.

I'd like to clarify, my dad is a criminal.. And mentally unstable, so dealing with him is an issue. We haven't announced we're together, and won't be doing so till the new year. But my dad seems to think I left husband for him? Driving me mad, sendng CG actual death threats.. He's not scared away though.
His parents just don't want CG hanging around a married women with three kids, let alone being with one. But I am not looking for a new daddy, but a companion for me.. A friend for them. My mum is happy for me, in the sense she knows it's to soon. But is happy I'm finally being loved like I should, after my childhood spent with my mum in rehab and living with a violent unstable dad... I feel I've found something special. I want to cherish it. Literally never let it go! Haha.. I always say never say forever, so Really I shouldnt be so attached already.

Any of that help? Sorry it all is a bit of a jumble, but I only talk to my mum about it, and we all know there's only so much you can tell your mother lol

Thank you CW for taking an interest

[MummyWild]

I agree that people shouldn't be dragged into it to soon, it's all very delicate right now. I am literally focusing on the summer holidays with the kids, Getting house re decorated for my new life with the kids, and living a little with CG, in my private time.

Thank you for your input LittlePip

[MummyWild]

Also.. How on earth to I get in good with his parents??? Please help.. I think they are amazing, and if me and CG last, I'd like the family I never had

[Libbie]

Just take it one day at a time. If you and CG have genuine feeling for each other it will work out. My brother went through something similar, I was the only one who knew what was happening, they took their time and now are living quite happily together as a family