[aishwarya]

Hi,

My problem is a quite typical one...but I don't know how to handle it.

My problem is my sis-in-law (my hubby's elder sister). She always claims that she knows everything & doesn't let anybody talk.
A few things abt her first:
She failed in her graduation & got married to a IT professional few years back. Her husband being 9 years elder than my hubby earns a little over my husband.
before our marrige she was the richest person in the family & gained more attention from everybody.That time my hubby was an average student in college. But after my hubby got a good job & married me, things changed. We are the inheritants of more wealth than her (nearly twice as much as hers).
Moreover I am a chartered Accountant student who has a very good scope of earning a fortune in few years.
All this must have annoyed her.

She pretends to be very good & caring infront of everyone but backbites them to me, to which I am very much irritaed coz i like all my in-laws except her.
Moreover she degrades my hubby to me by comparing him with her husband irrationally.
Everytime I meet her, she says some nasty things about my husband which makes me feel very much.

She behaves like a smiling ***** to me but pretends to be so caring...
she behaves as if she knows everything in the world ( which obviously she does not) & doesnt let me even open my mouth.

She degrades & insults me & my hubby indirectly,(saying we are unlucky to have visited only one country while she has visited 3 countries) in private, to me, for which I have no proofs. she also says that my hubby is clumsy, untalented & worthless, which he is not. But to the outside world she pretends that she is so innocent.

I don't know hoe to tackle her.

My hubby knows about this & literally hates her.

Now what shall I do to stop her from insulting/degrading us without embarrassing anybody in the family?
And how do I give back her for what she has done to me until today?

I am getting tensed over this & going sleepless at nighttimes....
somebody please help...

[sourpuss]

Let it go. Don't try to get her back or keep up with the bull****. You'll never win against a person like her.
My advice would be to minimize any contact with her. Why do you see her so much in the first place. If you both do not like her there really is not reason to spend time around her other than family gatherings. If you are at a family gathering try your best not to be alone with her.
In the end, just be the bigger person and walk away, don't get caught up in her ****.

[JubesInquest]

Sourpuss has a very good point.

There is no need to go back and forth with her and try to get "even" with her.
She will always act like she's the victim, even though she's the one starting with YOU.

I would also cut off contact with her. Heck, if she thinks you & your husband are so far beneath her, why does she keep coming around you? The next time she walks up to you with some nasty comment, I'd just simply and politely tell her, "I don't appreciate you coming to me and berating my husband----YOUR BROTHER. You may not respect him or like him, but he IS MY HUSBAND and I won't stand here and allow you to disrespect him OR me ... do you understand that?" then I'd walk away and not let her get a chance to comment on the situation.

From that point on, you and your husband stay away from her.

Like Sourpuss said, when you're at family gatherings, limit your contact with her, because she will try to embarrass you before family and friends.

I guarantee you if you do so, you will reduce the stress in your life!

[aishwarya]

good idea

I think, as u said, it would be a good idea to shun her. But I don't know wheather I would be able to forget everything completely. Her words and actions lingers in my mind always... Anyways I will try my best..coz I don't have any better option

[sourpuss]

I think, as u said, it would be a good idea to shun her. But I don't know wheather I would be able to forget everything completely. Her words and actions lingers in my mind always... Anyways I will try my best..coz I don't have any better option

It will be hard but just know that in the end you are being the better person. Also, people like her want you to engage in these ****** games. Avoiding her will bug her more than engaging her ever will. But with family and people like her the best is to just walk away and take the high road.

[JubesInquest]

It will be hard but just know that in the end you are being the better person. Also, people like her want you to engage in these ****** games. Avoiding her will bug her more than engaging her ever will. But with family and people like her the best is to just walk away and take the high road.

Sourpuss has good, sound advice here.
Aishwarya,

She's makes good points.
You will have to take the "high road" and walk away; and no, you're definitely not going to forget what's happened or what's been said.

But you're just limiting your contact with her because you know she's only going to try to embarrass you in front of others or just set you up for a big, ugly confrontation.
All we're saying is that you can cut her off at the pass by limiting your contact with her, since she likes to say and do these things... but I'd have to let her know that I don't appreciate the things she brings to me and the nasty comments she makes. You don't have to stand for it and by all means, DON'T STAND FOR IT.

[aishwarya]

again

I decided to shun her & started implementing it. My hubby was very much perplexed by my actions. He called her over the phone & poured out all that he wanted to tell her few days back. But again, she acted smart & said that it is me who is *****y to her. She also said that I am teasing & insulting her which was totally untrue & started crying over the phone. My hubby hung up & told me that it is a waste to try to change her attitude towards us.

[sourpuss]

I decided to shun her & started implementing it. My hubby was very much perplexed by my actions. He called her over the phone & poured out all that he wanted to tell her few days back. But again, she acted smart & said that it is me who is *****y to her. She also said that I am teasing & insulting her which was totally untrue & started crying over the phone. My hubby hung up & told me that it is a waste to try to change her attitude towards us.

Of course she did that. She's beyond reproach. She's been getting away with it for probably her whole life, she's not going to change anytime soon, if ever.

The only thing you can change in this situation is the way you react to her and the way you let her get to you.

Good for you for avoiding her.

[JubesInquest]

Of course she did that. She's beyond reproach. She's been getting away with it for probably her whole life, she's not going to change anytime soon, if ever.

The only thing you can change in this situation is the way you react to her and the way you let her get to you.

Good for you for avoiding her.

I totally agree!!!
I'm glad she avoids her sister-in-law as well.

[aishwarya]

whatever i seem to i am not able to take her out of my mind...

-once smilingly she told me that, while she was pregnant, she was praying to god that her baby should not resemble my husband i.e. her brother in any ways coz he is so ****** & coward. I felt very insulted but did not show.
- she also lies in such a way that everybody believes her & not me.she also boasts to me everybody around her including her mom& sis are longing for a lucky, wealty, metropolitan life like her.

- whenever we are in any general argument, though i know that what i am saying is 100% correct & she is wrong, she wants to have the last word and makes me somehow say her that she is right.
- she also makes people believe that she lives a higher standard of life than us. ( since both of our husband's are in the same sector it affects our reputation)for example, while in USA she lived in a 600$ apartment but claimed that she lived in a 1500$ apartment. but we lived in a 1000$ apartment and claimed tha same. all this makes us feel low among the family members.

all this is very sickening to me. It is also very obvious fromher actions that she wants me to praise & respect her too.I am feeling very discouraged & down. I have also started growing jealous of her recently for the way she falsely portrays about her. though she is apparently of second grade to us in all aspects like wealth,nkowledge, sandard of living, friends she is the centre of attraction wherever we go, while i crave for it.
Am i wrong?or should i start living a double-standard-life lilke her? or should i wait for time to tear her mask?
I am only asking for what I deserve.
How do I tackle her?
she has also hurt ne in many ways both directly & indirectly. I want to pay her back and make her realise. HOW DO I GO ABOUT THIS?

my husband knows all about this & just says " wait. Our time will come"

help me please...