[acklove]

Please dont judge me, just asking for your opinion. Ok I met this guy who has a girlfriend in another country but we are both me and the guy in the same country. We were just friends and i knew he wasnt looking to get into a relationship as well as me i wasnt looking either. He wont be able to go back to his country for at least another 4 years. Well the dilemma am in right now is that we like each other too much right now he actually says he is in love with me. I have very strong feelings for him as well am not sure its love but i know i cant do anything right when i donr hear from him and i think of him all the time all day. The thought of loosing him gives me a sick feeling in my stomach.

Well my problem is i feel like because he didnt really end the relationship at his home, i might get hurt when he goes back to his country and resumes the relationship with his girlfriend. I think he still feels for his girl even though he loves me too and am worried about starting a relationship with him cause i dont know if he will ever be able to make up his mind about who he loves more or who he really likes. I could spend these next four years with him and build alot of things that will be so hard to bare if he leaves me. What do you think about this and what can i do? I cant tell him to leave his girlfriend he will have to do that at his own space and time but how long can i give him to make up his mind? We didnt plan this so at all but we sort of like connect in a very strong way, and neither of us can control these feelings. please advise me, am scared!!!

[kaylar]

I know of a similar situation, but in that one, the parties were
very very honest.

The man told the girl; "I am going home to marry my fiance, we
can have a fling, but I'm going home to marry my fiance."

The girl said; "I just want to have fun. I don't want to get serious."

So they had a great time, he left when he was going to leave,
she had no big problem letting him go because there was never
an 'us'.

Now if this is the situation, you can have a wondeful affair. YOu
don't have to worry about tomorrow, or making memories. YOu
just have an affair; light and open and if you meet anyone else,
there is no committment.

Many men leave their wives or girlfriends when they have to travel.
They are going home. Their lives are there, and they are going home.

You can break your heart by getting into a LOVE affair, and when he
leaves you can have the usual dramas.

[JubesInquest]

Don't Hold Your Breath

I titled this "don't hold your breath" because you don't want to wait around for this guy to make a decision.

The thing is he hasn't and probably doesn't want to.

He gets the "benefit" of doing what he wants with you and stringing you along UNTIL his 4 years are up and he goes back to his "girlfriend" --or wife.

Has the thought ever crossed your mind that maybe---just MAYBE --- he has an "arranged" marriage, and he's here in this country to get some degree, education or experience to take back to his homeland so that he can provide for his bride-to-be?

Your heart is in it, but is his? I think not.
IMO, if his was in it, he'd make a decision and go on with YOU.
But he's not cutting anything lose; he's holding on to at least 2 of you!

No one gets in a relationship, especially feeling as seriously as you do, to build on uncertainty.
Think about that.

[bluesapphire315]

Just the fact that he has another girlfriend in a different country sounds a little shady to me. If he is going to be going back there in 4 years, then why get involved in a relationship, when you know that it will end with you being broken hearted when he goes back to this country. Knowing that the relationship is going to end when it starts and knowing that he is going to be leaving in a couple years, isn't very strong grounds for a realtionship. Plus, if he is commited to his girlfriend in another country, then it would be wrong to get into a relationship with him. Since he has a girlfriend, and if you guys were to be in a relationship, then that would be cheating. You would probably want to keep yourself out of that love triangle, because it could end up being a mess.

Of course alot can happen in 4 years, so things might change, maybe he will be going back earlier than expected, maybe not at all, maybe they will get married or they already are married, etc. There are alot of possibilities. Just remember, whats meant to be will find its way.

[kaylar]

East Vs West



Bluesapphire touched on a point which, although might not
be ackloves situation, is worth examining.

In many countries, girls are virgins until they are married.
This is how it is. There is no dating, there is no hanging
around at the mall. Girls are virgins until they get married
and very often it is an arranged marriage.

Sent to America for studies, the boy engages in lots of
meaningless sex, because it's 'free'. In his country he
could be stoned to death, or have to sneak to a prostitute
or some other dangerous liaison, which could result in his
murder or at the very least, disgrace, and so he won't be
able to marry the better girls and might only find an older
widow to marry him.

Many men consider women who have sex with them
virtual ****s. The idea of marrying, of even acknowledging
them is abhorrent.

A young woman who was a fashion model was pursued by
one of these men, and went to bed with him. She even
moved in with him. She thought she was loved and that
he was her boyfriend.

His mother was coming to visit and he ordered this girl
to leave with all her things and not to try to contact him
until after his mother was gone.

Whatever he told the girl seemed to work and she left
and for the next two weeks didn't think anything of it,
and then the mother went home, and she came back
to live with him.

Subsequently, she found out that he considered her
a ***** and surely one doesn't introduce a ***** to
his mother.

The model, very distressed, left him, and it was only
about a year later someone explained to her that in
the man's culture any woman that behaved as she
did; having sex without being married, living with him
in 'sin' was a *****.

It doesn't matter what culture you ascribe to, what
you think or don't think, if a culture exists in which
such behaviour is not acceptable and you are asked
to participate in such behaviour, the only conclusion
you must make is that this man considers you a *****.

Those of us who are on Skype know the slurry of
men from these countries who go after every female,
having every form of cyber sex known to the mind.

The culture of these people is not going to change,
one simply decides not to participate in it.

[waynebarnett847]

"Every place replace" I agree with this quote.
Well, does he still communicating his girlfriend from other country?
Don't be scared just go with the flow, enjoy the moments you with him.
I think 4 years is too long, so you still have plenty of time to be with him.