[Ms0326]

I've been dating a guy for 3 months now. He's honestly the best boyfriend I've ever had..he calls every night, texts me every morning...he's introduced me to his family and friends...I never worry about other women. He's always so sweet and gentle and thoughtful.
Then I began noticing a really huge disconnect between us. Not one I can really pinpoint though. He's never done anything wrong...he's just not crazy about me. He's not affectionate. His compliments are really lackluster and empty...he just acts like he has no feelings for me and he's just going through the list of boyfriend duties.
We never talk about anything that matters...he never tells me how he feels about me...or anything at all really. I've asked him about it before and he just tells me he's reserved..which is totally possible! I've asked him why he likes me..he told me that I'm a "cool girl." I've never been called a " cool girl" before...especially not by a boyfriend. He doesn't flirt with me. He buys me presents and I really love them but its never anything from the heart.
He's good friends with 2 guys that I'm pretty sure are gay. He's told me that him and a few friends used to act gay together as a joke..a few days ago he slapped a guy friend of his on the butt as a joke. He and his last gf of 8 months broke up because of a lack of connection. He told me that h didn't develop an interest in girls until his senior year of high school because he just wanted to get rich...
I'm curious about his sexuality because I've recently discovered that in addition to all of this emotional distance he also irons his pajams and his hoodies..he can't leave a dish in the sink..he remakes the bed after I make it because I didn't make the pillows right..he'll quit making out with me to fix the sheets..he always wants to do things from behind...he has had a lot of problems with gay guys hittinh on him..his hair is thinning and he wants to get a hair transplant...he's very into designer clothes and such..I really don't want to generalize, but I don't want to overlook things either.
What's really putting me over the edge is that he deletes all of his texts every night...and he clears his Facebook messages and emails and browser history every night as well.
This could all be coincidental of course...part of me is wondering if he's just a really reserved, well dressed guy with a pretty bad case of OCD...maybe I'm just desperately trying to find a reason for the painful emotional disconnection I'm feeling with him? Am I being paranoid or does he sound gay? I don't know how to handle this correctly.

[Mavic123456]

I think he has a tendency to be a gay. Ouchies... the descriptions and traits would not be actions of a normal "straight man". Since you have compared him with your other BFs in the past already (I know it is wrong to compare people), you may want to compare their behaviours too as well. Were your previous BF have, designer's clothes, or gay friends? Does your previous BF slapped butt as a form of a joke? How is he at home, does the idea of "gay" okay with the family? Or does he have gay or lesbian relative? It is okay to be paranoid because there are a lot "likely to be" or "looks like" clouding in your mind. Maybe you can ask him, since he is your bf, you can ask him about this. Or maybe you can start with, telling him your discomforts or awkward feelings like you just shared here. (Friends, slapping on the butt, OCD, every thing you want to tell him and whatever is bothering you) You are bothered so your mind must be enlightened. Do it girl.. you have the power/

[Ms0326]

None of my previous boyfriends have ever done anything like this. An occasional joke perhaps...but they didn't show any other gay tendencies so I never had any questions. He's from a relatively conservative family so the chances of him even admitting to anything is very very very unlikely. I could dismiss a few of those things...it's just all of it together is scaring me. He already acts so polite and reserved around me so I'm not really sure how a conversation like this will go with him...but I suppose the only way I'll know what's going on is to talk to him about it. Not knowing the real issue behind our disconnect is driving me crazy!

[Pollon]

Three months is not very long. It seems to me there are enough signs to suggest he isn't a good fit whether he's gay or not. No emotional connection, no substantive conversation and somewhat secretive. (BTW, how is it that you know he regularly deletes everything?)

Without accusing him of being gay, you could say, "Honey, I really like you and you are the best boyfriend in terms of your attentiveness. However, there is something important missing. It's like there is no spark there. Do you feel it too?"

And see where it goes.

[Little]

You could have written this about my ex-boyfriend, from the nice and gentleness to the emotional disconnect to the acting gay with his buddies, being secretive (but not so much the keeping things clean and ironed.) He was obsessed with his weight almost to the point of an eating disorder. Withheld sex a lot - you never mentioned sex in your post, how's that part of your relationship?

Anyways, the end of my story is that my ex is married with a baby on the way and no indication of liking men. I don't think anything in your post indicates he's gay - at least, not any more than it indicates that he has a secret. Is he a felon? Does he have unusual sex compulsions? Has he stolen someone's identity? Committed some crime he's trying to cover up? Maybe somebody's blackmailing him?

In my opinion, and obviously my opinion draws on my experience with the same kind of guy, you're worrying about him being gay because you're worrying about his lack of a deep connection with you. You're looking for an explanation that places the blame on him - makes his lack of profound interest not your fault. It may not be as simple as him not having interest in women ... it might be more complicated. Some people don't seem capable of making as deep of a connection with people as others. Or they don't feel it's necessary. Or they're waiting for juuuust the right person and are having trouble opening up to find him/her.

What you can be sure of is that something about this relationship is bothering you. Three months is fairly early, but even judging how early in a relationship is difficult when we can't know how much time you spend together and whether his aloof nature is keeping your relationship at an earlier stage than it might be otherwise. You could try to talk to him ... but will he open up and tell you? My ex liked to throw up a smoke screen, tell me how sorry he was and that he'd do better, and I wasted a lot of time believing him. At the end of the day, he wanted the level of connection with me that he was giving me, and as the partner who needed more, I had to be the one to step away. Whether this is your case or not, I don't know - but I think you should worry less about him possibly liking men and worry more about your real compatibility.