[Karen joy]

I've been with my husband for almost 10 years. We're very happy and I thought its gonna be like that forever. Until one day I found out that he's been talking to one of our coworkers when I'm at work or whenever we get into an argument. I was really devastated. I confronted him and ask why do they call each other at work or when I'm not at home. He said nothing. I confronted the girl and she also said nothing. I really don't know what to do. So I just brushed it off. But whenever I go to work I still see them talk. I know it's hard not to talk to her cuz we all work together. But my feelings is killing me. I pretended that everything's okay but u can only take so much. He doesn't understand how I feel. He's saying I'm just overreacting. Please help. Will a break up work? And how long?

[KMonte85]

what do you mean he was talking to a coworker? Was he being romantic with her? Or just as friends?

I talk to coworkers all the time, both men and women. And yes, sometimes it is about my husband, because I'm good friends with these people, value their opinion, and want a 3rd party perspective. It doesn't mean I'm cheating on my husband.

[BabyGirl]

I'm as confused as Kmonte here .
Are they just talking ?
Have you seen them do anything else , like touch or stop conversations as soon as they see you ? Has anyone at work mentioned they might be an " Item " ?

I also talk with my Co~workers, male and female, I even will give them a Short Hug, if they've had a problem, like Death in Family or Expecting a baby or such as that . Even my male co~ workers that are married, will give or get a Hug from or to me.

We are Friends, not just co~workers . I don't have a Husband, I am Widowed, but If I did have one, I would not jump to conclusions or be Jealous. especially if we all worked in the same place. I would expect him to trust in our love and relationship and know I trusted him .

However, if I did think he ( and I would expect him to of me ) see or feel uncomfortable about an action I saw him do with a female co~worker, one that may cause gossip or speculation at work. I would calmly bring it to his attention .

Non accusatory and explain that it made me feel uncomfortable or that someone brought it to my attention , and I would ask that he keep things a bit more professional in front of others .

When you confronted him , how did you do it ? Was it calmly or accusatory ?
When you confronted her , which was it ? Like a jealous wife, not trusting your husband or accusing her of being after him ?
When they both said nothing, they could have been shocked you thought anything inappropriate was going on .That you were Overreacting to their friendship.

Now there is a very slim chance something is going on, very slim, with it being at work and a place you all work together . But you can always, try and get to know her a little, maybe befriend her, ask her to join you & hubby for drinks or dinner,let her know if she needs a friend , you are there to listen as well as hubby is .

She just may need a friend and a mans opinion on things she is going through and he might just be one of the easy to talk to guys that she can feel comfortable talking about certain issues with. But if you also tried to be a friend to her and offered Girl Advise on top of Hubbys Manly advise , the old keep the enemy closer rule will be in effect .


Trust me.. if somethings going on with them . They will stop being as friendly with each other, for fear of getting caught . They will not be " Caught " talking or calling or Texting each other like they do now.
But if nothing is going on and they are just friends, this girl may appreciate having a Married couple as Friends .

He doesn't understand how I feel. He's saying I'm just overreacting. Please help. Will a break up work? And how long?

Sit down, as I said Calmly, tell him your worries, not about her in particular, but that you may be feeling a bit insecure in your marriage after almost 10 years , ask what you both can do together to strengthen it. Admit to a bit of Jealousy and Overreacting, but it is only because you love him so much .
Then ask him if you both can invite her to dinner or her and a Guest . ?
His reaction will tell you allot .

Make sure you really have something to break up over. Because your " Planned "teach him a lesson Break Up could be Forever and send him into any other girls arms that he will consider not overreacting , one that Trusts him and embraces his Friendships of all sexes, creeds and color.

You could be left out of that Category.

[Karen joy]

They we're texting each other and calling each other all the time. And my husband's deleting every text that she sents. Even at night when I'm at work or sleeping. Don't you think that's suspicious? I confronted him about that and he said nothing's going on. So I believe him but then it's still the same at work. They still talk and that's really hard on my part. Do u guys think I'm just over reacting? There's rumors about them at work. Now we're not living together and it's hard for our kids. Should I just call him or just wait?

[Pollon]

Does he say he wants to fix things with you and move back into the house?

[Karen joy]

I was the one that moved out. He wants to take a break and I agree with that. He leaves me messages and tells me he loves me. We talked last Friday and I told him that I need to be happy and forget about everything before I move forward. And he agreed with me but i told him to be able for me to forget he needs to respect me at work. Just ignore the girl and just keep some distance. Cuz if he still does what they do at work it's gonna be hard for me to get over it. I guess will just see what happens. I don't know if I should call him and tell him how much I miss him.

[ReginaH]

The same thing pretty much happened to me six years ago. My husband (which worked for my dad) started calling and texting a coworker after hours. She had worked for my dad 4 years and I considered her a friend. When I found that they had been talking for months outside of work and work related issues I went off the deep end!!! I am speaking from my beliefs and experience but your husband has no right to confide in any other woman besides YOU about ANYTHING! There is a difference in just having a casual conversation at work with the opposite sex and having a long meaningful conversation about personal issues!! My husband and the other woman never had a physical relationship (except one kiss that I am aware of) but my heart was just as broke as if they had slept together for years! Emotional Infidelity is just as real as any other Infidelity! If he loves you and has no desire to be with the other woman, he will cut ALL strings with her! Only you know what is best for you concerning if yall need to seperate or not. Your relationship is in for ALOT of work for it to stay together, and it will take both of you. Good Luck and your in my prayers!

[lcj14]

I personally don't see what is so terrible about a husband having a woman as a close friend? Being worried about that seems kind of insecure to me. If you trust your husband it should not be that big of a deal if he has a lady friend. He may just be trying to get a woman's perspective on the issues you two have been having and she has good advice? Now if there's rumors around the office about the two of them, then that is different. And him deleting her texts is also suspicious so I can understand not being okay with that aspect. Him deleting her texts is very suspicious because that definitely means he is trying to hide something from you. Unless maybe she is just saying bad things about you or something? Because if she is giving him relationship advice that doesn't work in your favor that could be a possible reason for him deleting the texts, I don't know.
Since you are moved out and the two of you are taking a break, it is always possible that he is trying to get a sense for if he wants to move on and find love with someone else? I don't know, I have personally never been on a break with anybody and don't know much about that. Did you guys have set rules when you moved out as to whether or not you would be faithful to one another?

[Alex HPS]

And my husband's deleting every text that she sents. Even at night when I'm at work or sleeping.

I'm not surprised he deletes her messages because it sounds like you would go nuclear if you found even a single message from another woman on his phone.

That's part of the problem; if you don't trust him and/or try to control him then even the innocent stuff he does has to be kept secret from you.

It's a vicious cycle. So many people have ruined their relationships because they suspect things which never happen. eventually the constant suspicion, accusation and controlling behaviour drives one person away.

Personally I could feel secure leaving my woman alone on a desert island for a month with a load of male strippers, because i trust her based upon how she has conducted herself in the past.

Love should be about trust, not control.

let me ask you a question:

Would you cheat on your husband? I assume tha answer is 'no'. So why do you think he's going to cheat on you? Is he a 'bad person' or somehow has less moral integrity than you? I doubt you think so or you wouldn't have married him.

So if he's not a bad person and isn't going to cheat, why can't he have a platonic relationship with a woman? Is it against your personal moral code that two mature and fully-clothed adults cannot be friends at work? Can you not see how damaging it is to restrict your patners social interactions?

There will always be 'rumours' about a male and a female who are good friends. Salacious people have nothing better to do than make things up about other peoples sex lives. However now you have seperated (your fault) you have given the rumours more credibility.

This is all about your own insecurities, not his fidelity, I suspect.

The irony is that I bet if you were to give him just a bit more social freedom (just to be friends with other people, nothing sexy) he would come running back (well, you were the one that left, but you get my point) and be much happier.

Anyway I wish you the best of luck sorting this out.

Alex

[Alex HPS]

I am speaking from my beliefs and experience but your husband has no right to confide in any other woman besides YOU about ANYTHING! !

Really? Wow. I could not live like that. Actually this blows my mind. Only allowed to have serious conversations about my wife... with my wife. Not really a way to gain any perspective during times of trouble.

Alex