[Lissy0404]

My name is Lisandra, and I have being in a relationship for more than 3 years now. We meet at the church, he teach me guitar for a while before we date. We went on 5 dates, started singing together at the church and finally one day he kiss me. The following date was the beginning of our relationship. We have literally spent every day or almost every day together since our relationship started. He always complained about this issue, and we had lots of fights due to the fact he stop having time on his own. He never stop asking me for “me time”, and the need of seeing him or spending time with him made me ignore his needs.

Since our relationship started we have gone through things together, but we always seem to get through it fast. Mostly because I was always there fighting to save us. More than a year ago I discover he lied several times, in one way or the other. I do have some blame on the whole lying things, because I didn’t allow him to spend time with friends, or do things on his own.

However, I have being extremely supportive, loving, caring with him, and with his family. I have being a daughter to his mother, and a sister to his sister. We have traveled together a lot, and a year ago, even thought his family move in with him to his new house, he gave me a beautiful key specially made for me. He bought butterflies for the garden because he knows how much I love them. On our last anniversary he bought a diamond necklace specially made for me, and so on. Our last trip was to his aunt wedding, and there I meet all his friends, he gave me a romantic serenade, and everything was super special.

When we got back from our trip, I found again another lie. I couldn’t confirmed if he was actually cheating or not, but it was very close to that. However, when I decided to break up, he insisted me not to. And promise me that everything will be Ok. I had a hard time dealing with the problem, so for about 4 weeks I was impossible to him, and to me. He didn’t handle it well. He even try to break up the relationship because he was tired of my anger, and insecurity. Eventually I got over it. This happen exactly 4 months ago. A week, I wrote him a letter saying all the things that I wasn’t happy about. He understood and told me he was clear of all his mistakes. And we cried together for a while, and then he said “ill fix this”. A month ago, he wrote me a letter stating that he “couldn’t imagine his life without me”, and a month earlier we had a serious conversation, where he told me “I’m buying another house, so we can start our family”.

Then a week ago he asks me for “a break”, that ends up being only a couple of days. During the break I again disrespect his time, and didn’t stop talking. I was devastated when he said “ I don’t know if I love you”. So when we saw each other again, we cried, talk, and he said “ I love you, even thought I keep hurting you”. And yesterday, again “ I don’t know if I love you”, and today “ I need time to think if I really love you, or is something else”. I asked him to only talked once a day, and don’t see each other until Sunday, for our church.

I‘m losing my mind! I feel very scare that he ends up discovering he doesn’t love me. Because even thought all the bad things that happen, he is the “one”. I can’t picture my life without him, and I’m freaking out. I don’t know what else to do; I also don’t understand what is happening. I love him deeply, and our time together has being the best time of my life. I change many things for him, and he helps me to be a better person. I very very sad.

[Euphoric]

Lissy,

It's hard to accept that the person we care so much for may not possess the same depth of feeling for us. I do believe that he cares for you.

However, your boyfriend is telling you that he needs some space. I think he feels smoothered. You state that you don't allow him time with his friends or to do things on his own. You have also embedded yourself as a part of his family (been a daughter to his mother, and a sister to his sister). You spend most every day together.


Being in a relationship with someone does not mean that you should monopolize their time. Each person is still an individual, even in marriage. Relationships require a fine balance of sharing yourself with your partner while allowing them to be an individual who is allowed space to do things they enjoy. Spending time with his friends or doing things independently of you doesn't mean that he cares less about you or doesn't want to be with you. He just wants to enjoy some guy time and there is nothing wrong with that. I might could understand you trying to carve out some more time for you if he spent 90 percent of his time with his friends, but from your posting that is not the case.

Try giving him a little space and allowing him some time to enjoy his friends as well as time with you. Sometimes when a person seems too possessive, it drives the other one away.

Best wishes

[Lissy0404]

Thank you for your words. I believe you are rigth, he did mention he felt "smoothered", by me several times, and I ignored it for a long time. I guess he is just reacting to that now.

[Euphoric]

At least you are willing to admit where you may have contributed to the situation. That is the first step. Once a person can admit where they are going wrong, they can take steps to rectify the situation.

Stepping back and giving him a little wiggle room to breathe independently of you may actually strengthen your relationship. When you aren't around someone every minute of the day, it makes you appreciate getting to spend some quality time with them. So, rather than fighting and arguing with each other, you can appreciate each other.

I hope that this works out for you because it seems like you care deeply for him

[Lissy0404]

Well, I also hope it works, I cant imagine my life without him. He is the one for me.
Thanks again