[gma]

I'm looking for some answers and I would appreciate any advice given and thank you in advance. So here is the situation.
Me and my boyfriend have been together just over 2 years, we moved in together about 1 and a half years into our relationship. We live with a family member but the house is pretty much ours all the time because the person we live with is never there.
There have always been problems in our relationship like there is in any kind of relationship. We got together when we were both 16, at the start of the relationship he was controlling and stopped me seeing my friends. I stood up to him no he backed down. Still, he has continuously slagged me off behind my back to his mates AND my mates, he's made promises to do things with me and blown me off to do something with his family instead. He works full time and I go to college and work at weekends. We don't spend too much time together because both do different times which are alternate to each other. When we do spend time together I.e evenings, mornings and when we're in bed together he pays no attention to me whatsoever, I undertsand that after a long day of work a person needs their space like I do! But I give him a good hour to relax and I try to engage in attention I.e. a cuddle and he doesn't want to know. Secondly our sex life is crap because he doesn't want to know, I understand that most of the time he is tired and I accept that it's just when he is like 'NO' and just turns over and goes to sleep or walk off. I don't pressure him, I bend over backwards for him because I love him. His family have never accepted me and I'm not aware that they do and I've always tried to be nice and get along with them, but they make it plan obvious they do not like me and its been 2 years. He gets rough with me a lot when we play fight and always injures me. I don't take it as anything serious but when I try and talk to him about it, he doesn't listen and it doesn't sink in. I've talked to him about all of this and the response I persistently get is 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I don't know why I do it' I'm persistent sussing my brain for a reason, he says he loves me and cares about me, I've asked if he doesn't love me anymore/had enough of our relationship and he always says he's happy etc, but I'm not and he doesn't do anything about it to make a difference to make me happy and surely if he loved me that much he would want to make me happy but he doesn't because of the way he ignores me and doesn't pay a blind bit of notice to me. I don't know, is there something I'm missing that I could be doing or is it dead?

[KMonte85]

What he says and how he's behaving are singing two different tunes, my dear. He can tell you he loves you to the moon and back, but if he continually acts like you're nothing more to him than a piece of poop, that's what he really feels.

Let me summarize what you've said here:

He talks badly about you to his friends, and yours
He ignores you
He blows off plans with you to spend time with others
He shows you no affection
He gets too rough with you, even when you've brought it to his attention

Hun - what in the world are you doing? What is GOOD about this relationship that keeps you from ending it?

Are you waiting for him to call it off? He's not going to... as far as he's concerned, he's got a good thing going. He's got a bed warmer when he wants her, someone who will be at his beck and call with very MINIMAL effort. What possible reason does he have to break up with you?

I don't mean to be harsh, but you're being taken advantage of... he's not going to treat you well after years of having the chance to.. so treat YOURSELF how you deserve to be treated and move on.

[gma]

Thank you, I knew that deep down anyway but I don't think I wanted to accept it, im still here because I guess I'm scared to be alone even though I know I will be okay and secondly because I always try to see the best in everyone. Thank you so much for your response was the kick up the back side I needed. It's just been so confusing and emotional cause I always want to follow my heart but my head was telling me the right thing to do but all the lights went out. Like I always want to believe what people say as all hUmans deserve to be trusted at some point in their life but I think deep down he doesn't want to be alone either but I personally think we will be better as friends. Thanks again.

[Pollon]

I agree with KMonte. You are still very young. Consider this a learning experience and don't tolerate this kind of treatment again. It is scary going off on your own. However, you can do it. And when you have proven to yourself you can be on your own, you won't be tempted to get into a bad relationship just to have a warm body near you.

Go for it.

[gma]

Thank you for your support. It's now over, we had a chat and he admitted he no longer loves me. Better late than never.

[jns]

Its good that the air has been cleared. Over the next days or weeks, you will probably want to try to put things together again. Don't do it. Find someone who loves you (after a break). One person loving another is not enough to have a relationship.

[KMonte85]

It seemed he didn't any longer, based on the way he was treating you. As sad as it is to have a relationship end, you should count your blessings. You're now free from his poor treatment... free to do what you want to do... free to find someone who will love you and treat you like you deserve to be treated!

Good for you! And best of luck for your brighter days ahead!