[Misslynn]

Hey,

So I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. I'm now in my late 20s him in his early 30s. We have had our first child, a 6 month old. Our relationship is a disaster and i am beyond lost and afraid.

When we fight it's bad. It includes verbal abuse and sometimes physical from mostly him but me as well. His anger is unreal. He plays video games all the time. They make him angry. I nagg at him all the time about the games which makes him more angry. He breaks his game controllers and various other things in his anger. He swears around our baby. He blames me for making him this way.

I don't know what to do. I find myself trying to rationalize staying with him. That he only hits me once a month, that he isn't a real abusive man. I find myself sabotage the plans to move out. Or just let time pass and forget it. I had all these dreams of being a family and having another baby. I keep holding on to that hope. But it just keeps getting worse. He won't seem to get help of even acknowledge that he is causing anything. I think he has a mental issue. Definitely has ADD.

I don't want to be left with a little baby all alone. The emotional and financial stress of it scares me. I've been with this guy so long. its all I've known. Please any advice would be helpful. I have some support but they don't know the full story therefore they can't really help.

Btw. This abuse had been happening the whole relationship..

[jns]

I'm sorry that you brought a baby into such a relationship.

Does he work? If he does, what is his job? If he had a fulfilling job, maybe he would see that as something to build on and would not game as much. Maybe counseling would help the both of you.

What you should do is leave and go to a shelter to start to get your life together and to gain the skills to be independent.

[Misslynn]

He does work, but part time...and not at the place of his dreams I'm sure. I do think he feels ****ty about himself so he treats me badly. He wasn't raised the best either.

But I'm sick of making excuses for him. I just don't know how long you keep forgiving someone, keep forgetting. I think now he just does whatever knowing I'm just gonna stay anyways. We talk so badly to each other. There is no respect. And when we seem okay with each other I feel like it's fake.

I feel so stuck now. Like I said before I don't feel strong enough to take on caring for the baby
alone. But is that just another excuse I'm making to stay? I love him still. I dunno..I feel dumb

[jns]

As your baby grows, he/she takes this all in and learns that this is how a relationship is. Do you wan your baby to learn this. Change something for the better.

[azalea]

"he only hits me once a month"....

That's absolutely terrible, sweetheart. I feel so sad for you when I read your post. #1 rule when someone hits you, you leave them IMMEDIATELY. It will only get worse. He does have a serious mental issue. The gaming is an outlet... he has a lot of anger pent up over something. He needs help, but if you try to help him, he will only continue to blame and hurt you.

I know it's hard because he's all you know.... but I'm afraid this will not get better. I was in an abusive relationship once, and I stayed with him because I would be scared, lonely, and desperate without him. He just continued to hit me more, and it never got better, and we just hated each other more and more as time went on. I know better now. I have a boyfriend now who would never ever harm me or yell at me. I couldn't have imagined it at the time I was being abused by my ex, though.

You will find someone who will genuinely love you, and he'll treat your baby like his own, and you'll be a family. You'll have another baby with this great guy someday, and he'll love all three of you. You need to leave and find this guy... I promise he's out there waiting for you. Your child's life will be drastically impacted by the future you choose. If you stay with your boyfriend, your child will grow up around anger, stress, and hate. If you leave him, you have a chance of raising your baby in a warm, loving home.

Do you have friends or family you can live with? Can your parents or siblings help? Maybe you could find a women's support group. You are in a terrible situation, and your dream of a family will never come true with this abusive man.

Please take care of yourself!

[Trisha23]

It is not healthy for a baby to grow up in a family full of chaos and lacks love. So better pick yourself up and have a new life with the baby if you and your partner cannot really get along well.

[mrmusic]

You should move out and leave him immediately, save yourself from verbal and physical abuse. See if you can get help from your parents or relatives to look after your baby while you work and meet new guys. Your baby dont like to see his mother getting bullied by daddy everytime, its detrimental to his growth anyway.