[kaylar]

This Western Idea of Love is a learned response.
Further, it is one in which people make decisions
which benefit them.

Sure, you'll find the random fool who throws it
all away 'for love' (lust) and when it ends,
two three four years down the line, they can
appreciate that they had given themselves over
to animal passions, which, as animals will prove,
doesn't last.

Further, this constant defining ourselves by
men and being in love has impeded our progress.

The base fact has to be;

I feel good about myself.
It can not be--
I feel good about myself because
my husband loves me.
It can not be any outside force or person who
defines our mood, our feelings of self worth.

In many cases you'll find the wife who learns the
husband is cheating suffering physical anguish.
She becomes physically sick because it is as if
a 'part' of her has been torn out.

Yes, it happens for a man as well, but the fact
that the impact on a woman...
'he destroyed my whole world'...
needs to be compared to
'she destroyed our marriage'.

In this case it is first water wash.
There's a reasonably attractive guy, she needs to have
a reasonably attractive guy to feel 'whole' hence she
will put bandaids on machete chops so that she can
fool herself into believing that she's in love and he's
in love with her.

[JubesInquest]

This Western Idea of Love is a learned response.
Further, it is one in which people make decisions
which benefit them.

Sure, you'll find the random fool who throws it
all away 'for love' (lust) and when it ends,
two three four years down the line, they can
appreciate that they had given themselves over
to animal passions, which, as animals will prove,
doesn't last.

Further, this constant defining ourselves by
men and being in love has impeded our progress.

The base fact has to be;

I feel good about myself.
It can not be--
I feel good about myself because
my husband loves me.
It can not be any outside force or person who
defines our mood, our feelings of self worth.

In many cases you'll find the wife who learns the
husband is cheating suffering physical anguish.
She becomes physically sick because it is as if
a 'part' of her has been torn out.

Yes, it happens for a man as well, but the fact
that the impact on a woman...
'he destroyed my whole world'...
needs to be compared to
'she destroyed our marriage'.

In this case it is first water wash.
There's a reasonably attractive guy, she needs to have
a reasonably attractive guy to feel 'whole' hence she
will put bandaids on machete chops so that she can
fool herself into believing that she's in love and he's
in love with her.

This is true.

"NoraEU" apparently is in a growing/learning process. That's exactly what I mentioned about learning in some way or another; be it one's own experience or that of someone close to them.

Once she comes away from this experience, she'll know herself better; she will have grown a little more, and she will know what to look for should the same type of man come her way.
In short, she'll be wiser and more prone to look for what she really deserves.

[kaylar]

It is an expensive learning process. Usually ends with
the woman virtually bankrupt economically and emotionally.

Eventually women learn that they can not make themselves
'appendages' to men. Many wives live their husband's life,
not their own; just as my secretary does my work not her
own.

The diff. is my secretary goes home to her own life, a
wife doesn't have a life to go to until the day the
husband replaces her with a newer model.

[JubesInquest]

A Lesson Learned

It is an expensive learning process. Usually ends with
the woman virtually bankrupt economically and emotionally.

Eventually women learn that they can not make themselves
'appendages' to men. Many wives live their husband's life,
not their own; just as my secretary does my work not her
own.

The diff. is my secretary goes home to her own life, a
wife doesn't have a life to go to until the day the
husband replaces her with a newer model.

Yes, a very expensive lesson in learing it is.

[kaylar]

Women tend to believe marriage 'fixes' the flaws in a relationship.

For some reason, despite the tons of proof to the contrary,
women continue to believe that 'once they are married'.....
!Poof!
problems solved.

One of the things you learn about people, (esp. men
(and depending on your upbringing,intelligence, experience)
is that certain 'traits' are indelible'.

The whining crying coward child who is afraid of everything
grows up into the whining crying adult who magnifies every
pain, every set back, because being the bucket of pity is
what they find most familiar.

Liars are a specific case.

People who lie also steal. It's a hand and hand thing.
It's a core dishonesty, it's a basic way of seeing the
world.

Imagine there was one piece of bread. This character
would see it, push it into his mouth, and if confronted,
"I was hungry!"

This person's world ends at his finger tips. He must be
fed, clothed, comfortable. If there is anything left over
you can share it.

Liars construct the world to match their imagination.
For example, something happens and as time passes, the
liar reworks the events to match their image of themselves.

As Shark says; "Truth is relative, pick one that works"

There is nothing that comes out of this chap's mouth
you can believe. Why he is so anxious to marry you
iis a very interesting question; you should ask your
self why.

[JubesInquest]

Women tend to believe marriage 'fixes' the flaws in a relationship.

For some reason, despite the tons of proof to the contrary,
women continue to believe that 'once they are married'.....
!Poof!
problems solved.

One of the things you learn about people, (esp. men
(and depending on your upbringing,intelligence, experience)
is that certain 'traits' are indelible'.

The whining crying coward child who is afraid of everything
grows up into the whining crying adult who magnifies every
pain, every set back, because being the bucket of pity is
what they find most familiar.

Liars are a specific case.

People who lie also steal. It's a hand and hand thing.
It's a core dishonesty, it's a basic way of seeing the
world.

Imagine there was one piece of bread. This character
would see it, push it into his mouth, and if confronted,
"I was hungry!"

This person's world ends at his finger tips. He must be
fed, clothed, comfortable. If there is anything left over
you can share it.

Liars construct the world to match their imagination.
For example, something happens and as time passes, the
liar reworks the events to match their image of themselves.

As Shark says; "Truth is relative, pick one that works"

There is nothing that comes out of this chap's mouth
you can believe. Why he is so anxious to marry you
iis a very interesting question; you should ask your
self why.

So true.

Kaylar,

Unfortunately, I work with some adult "whiners" ... nothing like over-grown babies throwing temper-tantrums