[confusedone1]

I have been with my current boyfriend for about 5-6 years now but all this time we have been separated over long distance (different countries). I met him through an online game and since then we visit each other every few months, as time has passed this has gotten longer and longer in between each visit. We talk every day on skype and we are very close. I have finished with uni now and working full time, he will be finished his PhD in a couple of months and is planning then to come and move in with me permanently.

The problem is I have never been overly attracted to him physically, at first when it was new and exciting I enjoyed it but now even after months apart I don't have the real want to be involved with him sexually and even when he kisses me I get bored.

At the same time I have started crushing on one of my good friends I made in my new job. He is a gorgeous looking guy and so very gentlemanly. He is very tactile (but equally so with everybody, not just with me) and I have a very animal desire for him. I don't think he is interested in me like that, we are very good and close friends but he treats all of us the same.

I think I just really enjoy the physical contact with him and what I don't have much with the boyfriend, and when I do I don't get any real excitement out of it anymore. After 5/6 years in a long distance relationship I am starting to go rather crazy. My boyfriend is my best friend but I just don't feel comfortable with him in a sort of sexual way, I can be a lot more risqué with my new circle of friends but I get so embarassed saying anything naughty around the bf.

I know my boyfriend loves me to bits but sometimes I wonder if I love him more in a friendly way or out of habbit or if I actually love him properly. I just worry that he will move to another country to be with me and then I won't be able to give him the love he deserves and crush his heart. I don't know whether to try and spice things up with him and see how it goes, I feel nervous thinking about it. I don't know if my attraction to my friend is just a wakeup call that I am not ready to settle with this guy. Maybe this is jsut a rough patch? I really can't be sure what I feel or what to do...

[Beccalouise]

I kind of know how you feel when you say you're not exactly physically attracted to your boyfriend.
I was in a 10 month relationship with someone I was never really physically attracted to, he was incredibly sweet and nice, and I found him kinda cute but we hardly had sex because I didn't find him sexually attractive. I eventually ended it with him because our relationship had gotten a bit dull, as some people may say sex isn't the most important thing in the relationship, either are looks, but it does turn out to be quite important. That's my opinion. I had left him for someone else on my college course that I had gotten quite close to that from the start I was quite attracted to, looks wise. We turned out to have a lot in common and when I started to like him, I did feel sexually attracted to him. I have been with him for 3 months now, had the odd argument but overall it seems to be the better relationship so far.

Sorry for waffling on a bit, but what I'm trying to say, is that I understand how you feel as I felt like that with my ex that I could no longer be with because we didn't really have a sex life, i didn't exactly find him attractive and the relationship in general had gotten dull.
Distance is also a big problem with relationships. As you have proved, they can work as you have been with him for 5-6 years and my longest distance relationship was a year and a half.
If I were you, I'd probably end it with your current boyfriend if you don't want him to move in with you from a different country and eventually be crushed when he realises you're not physically attracted to him.
Sorry if this is just a load of nonsense but I hope I've helped in some way

[LilahX]

I agree with Becca - don't commit to a live-in relationship if you're having these sort of doubts. As much as people would like relationships to just be about love and emotion, sex plays a massive part as well. The intimacy (physical and emotional) that comes from sex is very important and from my observations of many couples, once the sex goes there isn't much of a relationship left unless you enjoy being more like housemates than an actual partner.

As you say, there are different ways to love someone but my belief is that the strong, emotional love that we have for that special person we want to share our lives with most definitely includes a strong sexual attraction which comes from both a physical and mental connection. If you're ven asking the question you already have your answer.