[donc]

I'm in my early forties, my boyfriend of 3 years is in his late 30s.

Recently he went on a course (came home every night) and was raving about a few people on it.

Due to trust issues from my previous marriage i (wrongly) checked his phone. I found he had been texting a girl in her 20s. All the texts were innocent enough in themselves but that was how my ex started his affair, through innocent messages on Facebook!

Anyway I challenged him about it and threw him out of my house, he went back to his. i went balistic at him. He was completely distraught, swore to me it was nothing and never would be and that it was only me he wanted. He said he didn't know why he had messaged her, he just did it. I feel there must have been some kind of attraction or something but he swears there wasn't! He says that as she's in her early 20s there's no attraction to her so why did he choose to text her???? She is in a relationship too. After a few days I took him back, he was in a real state. Now though i keep thinking that it could have turned in to something if time had gone on and I don't know whether just to cut my losses and get out now.
He's been making a real effort, helping out more round the house etc and lots of cuddles and reassurance but I just can't get it out of my head! What shall I do????

???

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Do not live in your past, that is why it is your past.

We go into a relationship with trust full stop. For if we don't there won't be one as you are finding out. How can a man compete with constant fear from his partner with snooping, checking and accusing? He can't.

Love the relationship you are in and feel confident in it.

The bottom line is not everyone cheats. And, if they do? Then they were not worth being with you and so, like all pain we go through for any reason, death, break-ups, anything, we deal with it when it happens.

If we walk around in fear. We will never know the beauty of a beautiful relationship.

In addition, with confidence, makes the partner see that confidence, admire it and love it even more, therefore you.

He knows your stance. Your morals.. And, therefore he knows if he was to make the wrong move he'd lose you. But, don't make him walk on egg shells. Through fear.

[rcoreyus]

There is no point in being in a relationship with someone you can't trust - it is a terrible situation for both of you. Either trust him completely (no snooping), or if you believe he doesn't deserve that trust, then find someone you can trust.

If you snoop you WILL find things (real or not), and for many men not being trusted will make them feel that they are free to do anything as long as they don't get caught.

My wife trusts me and it would be dishonorable for me to violate that trust. If I thought she was always snooping and checking on me then I would know that there was no trust there to be violated.