[BranstonPickle92]

Ok, in the last 6 months, me and my boyfriend have had sex once, and that was on holiday. He doesnt seem to want to have sex at all (im 20 he's 24), he has always been shy in that department, and will only do positions where im in charge... which is ok by me... but now nothing at all.

We have been together for 18 months, we live together, but have separate social and working lives so dont spend everyday/evening together.

I have tried wearing some sexy nighties and just walking around the house in them, he says he loves it, i tease him by not doing anything about it, next thing i know he's showering and going to bed or going to the gym. Iv tried being reeeallly forward, but im fed up of being rejected as it gets me down so much.
Iv tried getting waxed and having a massage and getting my hair done etc so i can relax and feel good about myself but he still doesnt want to know.

One night, we went out and i wore crotchless undies, i showed him when we were out what i was wearing, we got home and he went straight to bed. another time, i put on his fave lingerie when he was in the shower, waiting on the bed and he just got in and said hes too tired and needs a nap (12:30 in the afternoon)


My confidence has gone down so much that iv given up trying - i cant talk to him, he just says that theres no reason at all. when i press him he just closes up and the conversation ends - i get so upset about it and i know sex isnt everything, but im not happy not having it


I know i shouldnt but i flirt with guys when im out and at work just to feel better (i neeeever go any further and never will)

[jns]

It sounds like you two need counseling or that you two should break up. It is possible though, that he has problems with erection that he is not talking to you about. Does he seem like he has a very low libido or is he spending his sexual energy on porn? Is he sleep deprived or under a lot of stress? Is he afraid of getting you pregnant?

[CatherineP]

As I see, there could be two reasons:

1. He cheated you and got some STD. or
2. He's got problems with erection and he doesn't want to tell you.

I said, he cheated you and got STD because even if he cheats HE WILL SLEEP WITH YOU just to avoid suspicion, althought it will be happening less frequently than before. That's why I think he got STD and doesn't want to expose you. The fact is: You have seperated social lives and he has a lot of opportunities.

I sincerely hope it's the second one. Just ask him, or check it your self, he should have an erection in the morning, but do that couple of days in a row, just to make sure If he doesn't, then I'm pretty sure it's the first reason.

[EricNYU]

Give him an ultimatum if things don't change you're leaving. He's either gonna let you walk or he's gonna come clean. If its a med problem, then he goes to see a doctor. He's shy so it could be medical and he doesn't want to talk about it, but its rare at 24.

[rcoreyus]

Some men (and women) just aren't all that interested in sex. Its not anything about you. Sex is really important to a relationship, so you should consider whether you want to stay with this man. Its not his fault either - just the way some people are wired.

[BranstonPickle92]

It sounds like you two need counseling or that you two should break up. It is possible though, that he has problems with erection that he is not talking to you about. Does he seem like he has a very low libido or is he spending his sexual energy on porn? Is he sleep deprived or under a lot of stress? Is he afraid of getting you pregnant?

He has got a low libido, his sex drive has always been much lower than mine but it was ok until there was nothing. i know that he used to spend a lot of time watching porn but he said it was cos he was bored (this was before we got together) i know he still watches it and i know that its not that often as the pillows in our room are always stacked up more when he has lol (he cant do it anywhere else as theres no blinds/curtains in the front room and we have an open plan space) so i know thats decreased as well, i just wish he will talk to me, iv tried again to get him to talk but hes gone for a nap now.

I think ill have to give him an ultimatum no matter how much it hurts.


Whoever said hes probably cheating, thats very unlikely - i would bet my life on it that hes not. i know anyone could no matter how nice they are but still - very very unlikely

[jns]

Difference in sex drive is unfortunate but reality in some cases. Can you continue this way, with him having a low libido? If not, it would be best to quit this relationship and start looking for one that has more of what you want.

BTW, I am not one to get upset about a girl flirting with me. It wouldn't make me think of you as a tease or that you were messing with my head. If it was light and playful flirting and you were my gf, I wouldn't worry, because I'm not insecure. Of course, heavy flirting would be viewed differently. I also don't think flirting is the same as asking for sex.

[jslater]

Just be bluntly honest with him. If he doesn't open up and make an effort to communicate... you have to walk. That's the beauty in dating...you try out different relationships to see what works. You date someone long enough to see their bad side and you then decide if his bad side is something you really want to live with. Odds are there is someone else out there who doesn't have that baggage so don't try to make it work if your head is telling you something is really wrong. So many people listen to that heart of theirs first which usually gets them in trouble. Your boyfriend sounds like he has serious issues. I often tell my clients to remember it's not their job to fix their partners but it is their job to support them and help them as long as they realize they have a problem and are willing to help themselves. Only you can gauge his effort.

[PhrendlyPhil]

Most men awake refreshed and ready for sex first thing in the morning. Set your alarm clock real early (plenty of time before work). Gently wake him up with your hand or mouth brushing his penis (he might be hard anyway from dream sleep). If that doesn't get him up and ready to pump you, then you two need to have a long discussion.