[PearlyPink x]

My partner and I have been together for a long time, been through ups and downs, round and rounds and crossed almost every bridge.
We've only just moved in together due to finances etc; it's only been a month and I already feel like he's not pulling his weight or looking after me the way he should.
I work, I pay the bills, I clean, I cook.
He works, wastes money on friends and alcohol, makes more mess for me.
I'm sick and tired of catering for his friends, we put so much effort into doing the house up and there's been beers on the floor, curry on the wall 3 burn marks on the £600 carpet, dirty hand marks on the doors, mud in the carpet, ash in the sink and a chipped window from his friend throwing a stone up to get my partners attention!
I don't mind cleaning, but I'd like people to have some respect in our new home.
He's making me feel like I'm a live in maid and I don't feel appreciated.
His friends come over unannounced nomatter what time it is, we've had numerous men crash on the floor in the livingroom because they're too drunk to go home and my partner doesn't understand that when I need to get up for work I can't be climbing over people and tiptoeing around 'my home'.
Truth is it's putting a strain on our relationship, I feel old, boring, unattractive, fat, ugly, used and unwanted.
He'd rather have his friends over for excessive drinks than relax with me. Every time I arrange or suggest something for us to do as a couple he says 'yea maybe' or 'we'll see closer the time', but if his friends call all he needs is a moments notice and he's out the door on a lads night.
I feel like he's embarrassed of me.

Sex isn't even enjoyable anymore, a few months ago we used to stay in on our days off and make love all day, eat, nap, chat for hours, laugh, shower together, go for walks and ignore the world. Now he can only get aroused and stay aroused for about 3 minutes before he loses his errection, we end up in an argument, he goes out, I clean, cry for a while then go to bed alone.

I go to sleep unhappy and I wake up unhappy, but when we've split in the past we missed each other tremendously.

I'm writing this laying on my sisters sofa, I left because 'he's boys' are in 'my house' taking drugs and drinking.

I'm scared of what's going to happen tomorrow and upset because my lifes a mess.

xXx

[Little]

I specifically want to address that last part - where his "boys" are taking drugs in your home. I just want to impress upon you that if they are found in your home doing illegal things, especially drugs, you can get in serious trouble yourself, even if you're not there.

It may be that you've just found out how much your partner really appreciates you. I looked at your previous posts and see that you've had problems before. They seem to only have been fixed through some cathartic or traumatic experience, which is no way to keep a relationship going. Is this a case where gentle reminders are going to help you both back onto a healthy path? Or do you have to split up to accomplish anything? If you have to be apart to remember how much you mean to one another, how do you expect to maintain a relationship in the future?

I have convinced myself to stay in many unhealthy, incompatible relationships by allowing myself to think my partner would change as promised or that I could radically change my behavior. It's simply not possible - excepting natural changes over time, what you see is what you get. If you stay with your partner long-term, you should expect this exact behavior to continue. Will that make you happy? Do you think that would make your partner happy?

It's normal to be scared and confused when on the cusp of big changes. Did you ever look into the counseling that you were thinking about in your last post?

[rcoreyus]

You've given lots of very good reasons why you should leave. What are the reasons you think you should stay?