[Sarahlee26]

My name is Sarah.I am here hoping to get a little support/advice. I was on this site a long time ago. I've recently come back. I'm here hoping to get some incite on my relationship. I've been dating my wonderful bf of 3 months. While at first I was hesitant to bring him around my family due to a slight mental disability I was worried how my family and others would notice and at first I was slightly embarrassed. Although to me i didn't see it as a problem as we got to know each other. We just clicked immediately. We were friends and hungout out for about a month. While I was seeing him at the time while we were still hanging out I was also dating another guy. Which I started exlusive dating the other guy first. However while dating the one guy exlusivly I couldn't stop thinking of the other guy I had been seeing too ( the guy who is now my bf) I met both these guys on an online dating site. Although we recently became official in July start talking in May of this year. We got close quickly and were inseparable (which we still are). Over these last few months he's become one of my best friends and one of the best people I ever met. However lately I haven't been feeling as happy or content. I mean the feelings come and go. I am not sure if it is PMS or what but I have been super emotional. Also suffer from major anxiety and depression so I don't know if I am just over worrying for nothing. I have been worried in the past about some things with him such as i thought he had problems with drinking however it turned out to be nothing and we got it resolved. I also worried about some other things like I didn't like that he smoked etc. He takes me anywhere and is super amazing to me. He has just about everything I am looking for in someone. However I have adjusted to those things and it was just a matter of getting to know each other. Also don't know if I am feeling this way and looking for excuses to try and dump him because my past relationships have only lasted a few months and I am not used to long term. My last long term relationship was years ago. I don't know if I am looking for reasons to leave because I am afraid of the what ifs and the possible that my life could change.. Also what scares me is if it does work out and we marry get a house and family and things will change. I know something else that has been bothering me is He cut his day job down to part time cause of co worker conflict. However he does drive at night and his off days to make extra money. I know he would make an amazing husband and father. I love him so much and want nothing more than to have him in my life and have him be my "happily ever after" So after all is said and done what is everyone's thoughts? Should i stick it out and see what happens or walk away? I apologize this is so long. I just have ALOT to get out.

[effy2014]

Hi Sarah. Welcome to the forum.

If I can ask, how old are you? It may help when giving you advice.

Relationships are never certain things. It appears that you have only known him for three months. You have done a great job so far talking through the few issues that have arisen. But there is a lot more to learn about each other over time and you will be able to tell if there is a future with each other.

You do have to introduce him to your family. I am not sure what you mean by a mental disability -- but if he is good to you and for you, I am sure that they will like him as well. Family can also give you perspective on issues that you may not see clearly.

[raindancer]

You say you know lots of things about him, but it has only been 3 months. I've known me for a lot longer than that and I'm still learning things about myself...

You've known yourself for longer than that and you don't know exactly why you don't feel as happy and content as before... there we go. We barely know ourselves and yet, we're often fooling ourselves into believing we can make assumptions about other people. I'm not saying he isn't a great guy. In my experience, people are just people, like me and you. We have great features and not so great features. We can be irritating about some stuff, and fantastic about other things.

When we meet someone we like, we tend to idealize that person. Perhaps the part of you which can see the little things in him and in this relationship that don't really work is making you feel less happy and content about it. And the conscious part of you, the one that's idealizing him, is in denial.

Could it be that?

[Motorguy]

I see we need more details to give any advice Sarah. The main one if you can share what is your boy friend mental issues. But what really worries me that you have held off introducing your BF to your family are they that shallow they would think of you in a bad way a long with him . Well if you really care about this guy be with him only but you need to be together more then 3 months before marriage comes into the picture. My other concerns none of your relationship have not lasted to long,but it seem you trying to find a way to get out of this relationship if he's this really good guy and he loves you then you could ask him to stop smoking for you. I did this with my wife when we was dating. I simple asked her if she would for me stop smoking she hand me her cigarettes and now 29 years later she not smoke cold turkey that to me is Love.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your past is your past for a reason.

Don't judge it, it was left behind.

Take it easy, as suggested above and get to know the guy, please don't try to change him and mould him into your ideal husband as you truly need to be with someone that you accept all of his traits good and bad to be blissfully happy for the rest of your life.

I think that is what you are subconsciously doing, moulding him to be your ideal husband at 12 weeks.

Enjoy the relationship and see where it goes. There is someone for everyone out there in this World it's only natural that some relationships don't work.. I think before you had not found love, once the Honeymoon stage was over, you withdrew it was no longer exciting. Relationships take work as well to keep them alive.

It seems that from what you have stated he has no problems with anything you do, is that right? But, you've had a few concerns of his, such as income which as I stated, it's only been 3 months so you shouldn't worry about what he does or doesn't at this stage, I hear your concern re marriage and children but the relationship is young love. Take it as it is and enjoy for now.

[Sarahlee26]

A little more in detail. I am 26 almost 27 in January. He is 25 although was 24 when we met. He has met my whole family and I have met his. As for as mental disability I was referring to is. I didn't go into detail further but he has a mental disorder called Asperger syndrome. For those who don't know it is Asperger syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger disorder (AD) or simply Asperger's, is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical (peculiar, odd) use of language. However despite his disablity we care so much for each other and so much want a future together. We get along so well and enjoy being together and doing things. I understand we are still learning and growing with each other.

[Sarahlee26]

Thanks MotorGuy. Also thank you all for your advice! I really appreciate it.