[tstic364]

Here is a short history. I had hip surgery on Monday and it has left me lethargic, in pain, and unable to walk well (with crutches). My husband had to take some time off of work (9 days) to help take care of me and our 3 small children (5, and 20 month old twins). Today is 5 days past surgery and I am still nauseous, in pain, and unable to walk well even with the cructches. Well, first thing I think he did wrong was he left to go do something (hobby related, but he makes money) for 6 hours this morning by myself with the kids. (we have no family in the area). Then he calls me a little while ago on his way home and asks if I will go down on him tonight. I said, "I don't know, let me see how I feel". Well, he gets mad and and says, "fine, I will just take care of business my own way". ?!?!?! The problem is, he really is mad that I am not so enthusistic to go down on him! He will have an attitude the rest of the day, and probably tomorrow too. That is just how he is.

Can someone help me understand this kind of behavior? My gosh, I just had hip surgery 5 days ago! I am already a little upset with him for leaving me alone so soon. He seems to be so selfish with this whole situation.....

[C]

Just let him have the attitude....Let him have it for three weeks if you are not feeling good...I know about surgery and how sick you can be...He is being completely selfish and should be with you and the babies at home right now. You are completely right....

Much luck and maybe he will appreciate what a wonderful wife you have been all along...Take care, Caroline

[Little]

Give him a little reminder, "Hey honey, I just had surgery ... I'm feeling really nauseous ... didn't want to hurt your feelings by puking all over your crotch!!!" Let him go ahead and take care of himself.
People have selfish moments ... hope this was one of his few and far between.

[Richard S]

There are so many married men who post into these forums because their wives won't give them head AT ALL, and this guy is ticked because you just had major surgery a week ago? Plus you are dealing with THREE kids at demanding ages?

Are you looking for objective confirmation that he's being a jerk?

Well, yes, he is.

You might want to ask if he's having trouble at work, or if there's something else going on, but for him to say, "fine, I will just take care of business my own way" is a bit beyond the pale.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

A lot of men, think "get over it" when a woman is ill, they can not comprehend pain and feelings as they will not allow themselves to feel either to a large extent.

They don't mind initially being there, but after a few days, that's it they have had enough and so they make an excuse to get "out of the house" one that you will accept.

Then, they feel neglected, as they have no emotions they are cold, to the idea of illness of their partner, they are extremely selfish and non-giving. And then they receive rejection and can't take that either.

This sounds like a man whom thinks of "himself" and puts "himself" before others in his life, routinely, not just this time round.

I like Littles response regarding the pucking because then he'd have to clean it up and won't like that either......

I am sorry there is no one else there for you over this time, as clearly it is very difficult for you let alone not having that form of total support from your husband.

I would imagine even if you told him you still feel naucious and ill, and you never expected it to last this long and that your having trouble even standing on your feet for longer than 30 minutes, the kids may in that time walk out the front and i'd miss it, that even that wouldn't make him wake up..

But that's worth a try, because maybe he'll think of them crossing the road........

Sorry, get better soon.

[tstic364]

Thanks for giving me strength everyone and for helping me realize I am not the crazy one! Had I not posted here, I probably would have gave in just so I didn't have to deal with his attitude. But I stuck to my guns and didn't give in. It is funny b/c sex is the only way he is selfish at all! If he doesn't get sex, he gets very annoyed. He calls it SRA... Semen Retention Attitude. Hopefully he can't wait a while longer... until I am up for it. If not, I guess he will have to work his own problems out.