I totally agree. My mom pushed for in home care months ago. I think the thought then with my aunt was that if they got him in home care, there'd be no reason to move him into a home, and that's what she wants and that's what one of my uncles wants. Their idea was that getting him out of the house would allow my grandma to enjoy her last years too. But, the fact is, they've been joined at the hip for 60+ years, it's not going to be all peaches and cream for her once he's gone.
I don't know why they'd even consider putting him in a facility either. I mean, it's just not logical in this situation. He is able to use his walker to get to and from the bathroom. He's not a vegetable. He eats, drinks, etc. He doesn't require anything special in that area either.
The bad part about that particular aunt is that the other two sisters have picked up the slack all along. On her "nights", she gets there at 6ish, and he's in bed by 8. She switches nights with my other aunt because my mom does days. Some nights he sleeps all night, some nights he wakes up once or twice and goes right back to sleep, and on rare occasion he doesn't sleep much. I realize that makes for a really rough work day the next day. BUT, she has enough days saved up she could take off literally ANY time she wanted. She chooses not to. She could also retire, she doesn't want to. My mom and her other sister are the ones who have literally given up most everything else in their lives. My mom was able to take the year off (she's retired but was subbing full time) to care for him during the days. This aunt has managed to never miss an aerobics class, never miss a grandchilds event, never miss a lunchdate, etc.... while my mom and their other sister pick up the slack. I KNOW she's worked hard, they all have but it's frustrating because she's been pushing for him to be in a home since day one with this and now it feels like even considering putting him in that local place is a compromise of his care for selfishness. She wants him there because she doesn't want him to go back home. And right now, there's just no reason for him not to get to go back home until a VA opening is available.
If I thought they'd accept my offer, I'd offer my home for him and let in home care take care of him, but they'd shoot that down like they have every other idea. I'm virtually helpless, and I HATE feeling that way.
I don't know why they'd even consider putting him in a facility either. I mean, it's just not logical in this situation. He is able to use his walker to get to and from the bathroom. He's not a vegetable. He eats, drinks, etc. He doesn't require anything special in that area either.
The bad part about that particular aunt is that the other two sisters have picked up the slack all along. On her "nights", she gets there at 6ish, and he's in bed by 8. She switches nights with my other aunt because my mom does days. Some nights he sleeps all night, some nights he wakes up once or twice and goes right back to sleep, and on rare occasion he doesn't sleep much. I realize that makes for a really rough work day the next day. BUT, she has enough days saved up she could take off literally ANY time she wanted. She chooses not to. She could also retire, she doesn't want to. My mom and her other sister are the ones who have literally given up most everything else in their lives. My mom was able to take the year off (she's retired but was subbing full time) to care for him during the days. This aunt has managed to never miss an aerobics class, never miss a grandchilds event, never miss a lunchdate, etc.... while my mom and their other sister pick up the slack. I KNOW she's worked hard, they all have but it's frustrating because she's been pushing for him to be in a home since day one with this and now it feels like even considering putting him in that local place is a compromise of his care for selfishness. She wants him there because she doesn't want him to go back home. And right now, there's just no reason for him not to get to go back home until a VA opening is available.
If I thought they'd accept my offer, I'd offer my home for him and let in home care take care of him, but they'd shoot that down like they have every other idea. I'm virtually helpless, and I HATE feeling that way.
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