[believe]

has anyone here gone through some counselling for their relationship? If so, how long had you and your SO been together when you went? Did it help your problems? Thanks.

[WildChild]

Been through this a couple of times. In my case once I was dealing a suicidal, bi-polar spouse and in the second case was exiting a relationship with a narcissist. It was very helpful. I have known people who claim it saved their relationships. Don't wait too long, the sooner you deal with stuff the less you have to forgive and work through.

[torn2pieces]

has anyone here gone through some counselling for their relationship? If so, how long had you and your SO been together when you went? Did it help your problems? Thanks.

I am currently looking for quality, affordable counseling for me and my boyfriend. I am worried that time and money is going to get in our way and then we won't get the help we need and then fall apart.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Money is certainly an issue, the affordability to do things that are a necessity in life sometimes just aren't there.

Councelling, is usually an asset as there is a "third" person whom tends to make you realise how each person is really feeling, as you talk through your problems.

The key to that is "communication"... You both have to be able to be objective without arguing and seeing each other's points, without getting offended and up-set.

A first of way of doing this maybe whilst you are trying to work funds, is to both write down on a piece of paper, the pros and cons.

What you love about each other - What you don't like about each other and oliminate the word hate... " I hate it when" rather, write, " it bugs me when", for instance. ( leave a blank space underneath to write on)

Sit down each week with 2 only good and 2 only bad of each other, and write how you can even make the "good part better" on that note pad and what you may be able to "compromise" to make the "bugging one" different in the blank space.

Work only on those two, no more for a couple of weeks and see if it makes a difference, after 1 month then add a couple more of the problems in the same way.

The thing is if there are 10, 12, or more problems to solve, you have little chance of doing so, because it means you are not compatible, firstly and secondly, it is way hard to make that many changes and thirdly do you want to make that many changes to please someone? Is it not that you should be yourself? Rather, some issues off course need compromise?

If there are only a few "urks" then you will be able to work through them 9/10 times, but one by one and with conscious effort and understanding that you are "compromising" not giving into someone, no one's fault on the issue NO ONE'S FAULT, rather two people needing to compromise.

The keys issue - NO ONE'S FAULT - RATHER TWO PEOPLE NEEDING TO COMPROMISE.

CW

[Joy]

well said CW.... It is about compromise and understanding than having to be correct and win...... Listen no need to build a defense if you are trying to find a lil harmony .