[windfollower]

I Wonder....

I wonder if we will still be married in 2 years. With your martyred attitude, probably not.

I miss the girl I married. The girl that cared about her family, was fun and had the great sense of humor. God you were something. Maybe you were never that girl and you just faked it. That would be hard to believe.

I remember the first time I saw you walk into the meeting room. I wasn't attracted to you. You had on a oversized business suit, you were a little overweight and your face showed it. Then I got to know you and I looked forward to seeing you everyday and lunching with you and the gang. I loved how you wouldn't let the guys get too pompus and how you understood my sense of humor. At that point I would look into your eyes and you were the most attractive girl in the world. I fell for you long before I mentioned it on the bridge when you said "but I love the house".

I once thought you were a great mother, wife, friend, and daughter but now you aren't any of those. You are a very good IT manager. So what? You are popular at work. So what? You can drink allot and you think you are funny. So what? At work you will do anything to solve a problem at home you won't break a sweat.

You tell me you haven't been happy for a long time and you are dissappointed that you haven't done more with your life. We are different but that was one of the things I liked about us. I've always tried to be there for you and be your "biggest fan" but in some ways I guess I failed. It would have been nice if you would have talked to me instead of lying. You have said in the past it was easier to lie than to face me. That's what all people who lie will say. Sometimes marriage is hard...face it. I would still do anything to make it work but I can't do it alone and you aren't interested.

You haven't aged well. I know you automatically think of your figure, your face, your skin. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about me, the kids, your Mom, your brother, your friends. We deserve better than you.

No, you haven't aged well at all.

[WildChild]

Wow, sounds like things really got derailed. Do think there is any chance of getting it back on the tracks? Even if she won't go, get into counseling, it helps to have someone who isn't involved to talk to and they can help you figure where to go from here. If you want to give it one last shot they can give some tools and different approaches, if you want to get out, they can help you do that with the least damage. You don't want to end up bitter and angry - there are enough of those sort in the world already!

Hopefully writing this has helped a bit. How old are your kids?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am glad you said "should" send to your wife, not "sent"...

Seems a fair bit of resentment there, as well as frustration...

It seems she chose her career and work friends over everything else, why is she happier at work than home, why has she chosen the easy way out, to lie, than to tell the truth, why is a word you I am sure wonder alot.

Nothing is one sided, but yes, it takes two to make something work.

Her comments to you are one I recognise, "rather have a root canal than sex", "easier to lie to you than tell you the truth"...

When did she lose interest, where, why....

If you want to send a letter, re-read the words you wrote, some are very warm and beautiful, and edit the rest...

You never know, taking her back to the beginning may actually make her remember that as well, and in that, make changes...

You never know.

CW

[Iseulda]

If you want to end the relationship and get a divorce then yes, if you're asking should you send the letter then I would say yes - if you want to end it.

If you think there is a chance you can save the relationship then you need to do a major rewrite, my friend.

CW is essentially right - there are two sides to every coin. I'm not trying to say you're responsible for your wife's behaviour, you aren't. Each one of us is responsible for our own behaviour. Sometimes bad behaviour from others steers us to react badly - sometimes we react (act) badly all by ourselves.

I would say if you think that saving the marriage is an option you should rewrite the letter to include your own failings, the things you see that have changed in yourself that you don't like either. The letter as it stands basically says 'You're ****, I hate you'. If that's what you want to say to her, then fine, say it and walk. But if you are just trying to hurt her because you are hurting then that's childish, it won't fix anything and you should reconsider.

[rcoreyus]

Try an experiment. Write yourself a similar letter that she might send you. Make a real serious effort to see the situation from her point of view. I'm not saying that you aren't right. It is just that ending 13 years of marriage is not to be taken lightly - make every effort to at least know what she is thinking - even if you don't agree with it. Maybe you will still want to end it, but at least you will know you've thought about it carefully.

[Joy]

I"m so sorry you feel this way about someone who you loved so deeply at one time in your life... it must be heartbreaking to be this angry.

OMG i don't mean to sound really corny but when you point the finger at someone else you are pointing 3 right back at you. I hope there is light in this tunnel for you and you find healing.

I think your letter is very honest and bleak try what RC said write a letter to yourself.