[CHANDLERS WISH]

How much of a part is the sexual problem having on this marriage? For him?

I am sorry different thread, you bought that up again, that you both have trouble even now with inserting his penis inside of you, it doesn't go in at all.

Could this be the problem then? Doesn't excuse him to be arrogant or abusive and almost hit you though does it sweet?

There was a thread today actually where the lady also has problems. That problem has caused people in the simular situation of only having 50% depth of the internal vigina. And, the outside very tight, have you been to a Doctor regarding an examination ?

CW

[sfa289]

I wanna share my feelings abt my husband ATTITUDE here....CHANDLERS WISH,watever da prob is..but dis is not true to be rude all da time wid me..dis shud not be da reason...i agree wid u.. that prob has caused people in similar situation...but this is for both of us na..but i m not arrogant to him..if i can understand n keen to solve dis n every other problem wid us then why he is not..for that prob n every other thing..he talks so hard....so here i wanted to have some advice.. abt da rude attitude....on such little things..but u right ..may b dis is da prob.. but to be harsh is not da solution.. atleast he can talk to dis matter..if he is really concerned...to me the main reason is like u said before...

some guys purely don't UNDERSTAND the word marriage nor commitment, simple, they lived their lives and continue to do same, they don't get it...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

he talks so hard....so here i wanted to have some advice.. abt da rude attitude....on such little things..but u right ..may b dis is da prob..

If he has a rude attitude, then he has a short fuse, and gets mad at little things as well, but I am saying where does this stem from?

It seems to be his nature, you had problems before the marriage, maybe he likes to "control", him being the boss, thinking you should just allow him to do what he wants. And, now you live with him and his family and he plays cards and ignores you watches porn, he goes to hit you, he is abusive to you.

Have you ever spoken to his family? About this abuse?

So, take that other problem out of it then....it may hinder it, but he is a man who has no respect for you, it's that simple, like what you highlighted that i wrote before.

So why should you stay?

CW

[babybluez]

i dont know "sfa289" if you would find this post useful or not. probably not everyone would think that this is right advise. by reading her post:

number 1 thing i noticed is that is has moved to a new country and she cant just go back to her own country and tell her family that sorry my marriage didnt work.

number 2 thing is that she doesnt know anyone in the new country, nor does she have any friends. from her post, i figured that she does not have a job either therefore is she does plan to leave her husband than she has nowhere to go.

i would advise you dear to try to be patient until you get solid footing in the country. once you do, you will be able to confidentally talk to your husband and tell him the things that you dont like about your relationship.

ofcourse as CW said abusive behavoir is not acceptable and you might have to figure out what causes your husband to become abusive. is it the way you talk to him, or when you bring up certain issues?

did your husband watch porn from the beginning of the marriage or did it start later? this would help you figure out one thing, if it started later than that means that your husband finds something missing in his sex life.

otherwise it is just his habit. one day i caught my husband watching porn and i hugged him from behind and playfully wacked on his head before i left the room even though i felt bit insecure. later while we were relaxing i asked him lightly "why do you watch porn, does it turn you on" and he said "no not really, it is like a learning thing" so there you go, something that i could have made a big deal of, i sorted it out smoothly.

you said that he masterbates while watching porn. if you know that he you CANT MAKE HIM STOP WATCHING than why dont you join him for the time being. just hug him from behind when he is watching it and gently bite his ear but dont do anything else. when he proceeds to touch himself than might be you can help him there by giving him a blowjob. that way he will be able to appreciate what you are doing and he will feel that you understand his needs as well.

if you think he doesnt have space for you in his life, YOU make a space yourself. while he is playing cards with friends just pop in and offer them a snack or something or just sit beside him. make him feel that you are actively involved in his life. do not by any means stay in your room and wait for him to come to bed.

you dont have to do this forever. if you think it is not working, you have the full right to end your relationship with him. good luck

[HALFNOTHING]

i can understand dis.. coz i m a practical girl but eventually he has no time for me..i don know y he is so harsh n arrogant to me.. even on very little things...
from da initial when i was newly married..

take note the word arrogant and harsh.. if this thing only on watching porn and only avoiding her, maybe she should be patient at the first stage.. chilling with his friends has nothing wrong.. maybe she could take it if thats only the thing is...

she cant just go back to her own country and tell her family that sorry my marriage didnt work.

- i can't say any wrong if she will go back to her county.. sfa, don't you have work in your country? if her family was the one who feeds her, maybe, there must be issues.. but, they won't reject her... they are her real family.. the saying goes blood is thicker than water..

maybe, her absence will make him realize how important her in his life..

[babybluez]

maybe, her absence will make him realize how important her in his life..

probably you are right there, absence can make a heart grow fonder. if sfa thinks her family wont have any issues with her coming back than she shouldnt have any hesitations in confiding with someone back home.

[kms]

Just wanted to weigh in:

Before you pack up and head home: COMMUNICATE. Don't do anything crazy or huge, liking calling it quits and booking a flight home, before you let your unhappiness be known. Tell him that your needs aren't being met, and what exactly is bothering you. He, like everyone else, isn't a mind reader. Perhaps there are some cultural differences that need to be discussed and worked out. Maybe a wife - and a marriage - means xyz to him, and means something completely different to you. Don't attack him or tell him what he's doing wrong; instead, ask him what he would like in a wife, in a marriage, and then tell him where you differ. Don't attack, just be curious, open to his side, wanting to resolve things and make it better. But, just remember, that both of you may have to give up some of your ideas about what constitutes a good spouse in order to compromise on your cultural expectations and meet in the middle. If that doesn't work, however, depending on the country you're in, involving his family might work as a second option (but phrase your concerns in a way that fits his family's and culture's concept of a marriage and the role of a husband). If he's from a collectivist culture (or at least seems to care a lot for his family), his family's opinions will likely matter a great deal to him. If that doesn't work either, and you see no way to resolve this to make yourself heard and to make things better, you may want to consider heading home. If he really cares about you, this will send a clear message that you won't put up with and that your concerns deserve to be heard. If he just lets you go, then you deserve to be with someone much better.

[keiona4ever]

Hi sfa, I can relate ur story... I came from Philippines married to an american guy for 7 years now. When I first came here it was hard specially I was still learning my husband's real attitude, but his not harsh or rude towards me. Since you still dont know anyone, can you find any women in your town that same country u came from? befriend with them so that when things get so bad you have someone to turn to. Watching porn is just kinda normal here.... I dont mind my hubby watching it, coz we watch it together hehehe. Can you do something fun together? bonding is good for the relationship.