[Hopeless Dork]

Oh I am not arguing that an orgasm is an orgasm during masturbation - man or woman. It is. But that being said, a lot of (or porn wouldn't be a bazillion dollar industry) men (and of course many women) get a more satisfactory masturbation session with the inclusion of porn.

So many do get a leg up on their masturbation experience than women, with or without the use of a toy. Some Men get the mental stimulation to heighten the experience (visual stimulation) where as the mental stimulation for a lot of women (the intimacy) are absent from a masturbatory experience leaving them with only the physical stimulation. While people that use porn get the mental AND physcial experience from it, thus likely more satisfactory.

[Hopeless Dork]

I guess put it this way, my masturbation habits in the past, were always more pleasure when I was engaged to someone in a conversation, cybersex, webcam sex, etc... the interaction heightened my self-pleasuring. That interaction IS cheating, so while in a relationship that kind of masturbation would be very innappropriate. However for someone that enjoys just watching, just viewing, while they masturbate... since there is no interaction -- that is acceptable (socially) in a relationship.

So while men are inherently more prone to visual stimulation, and women more prone to getting excitement from being desired... when in a relationship -- one gets to have their needs met through masturbation much more than the other. I feel.

[WildChild]

Getting back to this OP's concern, religious beliefs seem to be a significant part of her response. I really can't address this well, as it would not be a consideration for me.

Meto, I suggest you start by talking with him and weighing just how much of a deal breaker this is for each of you. Not knowing your particular interpretation of your faith, we don't know where you stand on the role of sex in a marriage. I know some christians who consider it pretty much for reproduction only and others who are quite devout and spend one day a week at home together naked.

I do know there are a number of books and counselors available to help couples develop a good faith based sexual relationship. Why not get a few books and see what you can do?

How can the OP resolve HER concern?

[pretzel]

I would agree that there would need to be more information about her particular beliefs than we know. From reading the OP, I tend to believe that her religious views do carry some weight in the bedroom and now that they are empty nesters (or may have been for a couple of years) there are certain sexual drives starting to re-emerge with her. I know for a fact I can't go there since I try real hard not to question others beliefs.

Based on what the OP said, I'm not so sure it's a porn/sex thing. I think it may be more of an issue of enjoying sex now that the kids are gone. Personally, I think the back is a bit of a red herring since we all know that there are ways around that with a little education.

So, in regard to the OP, I'd say the first issue would be to try to find common ground between their religious views and their own physical/emotional/sexual needs.

[Hopeless Dork]

How can the OP resolve HER concern?

There is never a solution when it comes to porn that SHE can do or any woman can do. She can express all the dislike for the behavior she wants. She can listen, she can change, she can get mad, she can cry, she can pretend to be happy about it, she can leave the man she loves and has built so much with...

But resolving the concern over porn... search "porn" on the forums. I'd be willing to be there are hundreds if not more posts voicing this exact same concern.

We all have our view, we all rant, vent, generalize, hurt, advise... but in the end of all that, porn is still there along with everyones original feelings about it.

[Guest]

So many do get a leg up on their masturbation experience than women, with or without the use of a toy. Some Men get the mental stimulation to heighten the experience (visual stimulation) where as the mental stimulation for a lot of women (the intimacy) are absent from a masturbatory experience leaving them with only the physical stimulation. While people that use porn get the mental AND physcial experience from it, thus likely more satisfactory.

You're grabbing for anything here now.

As if women don't think about sexy thoughts during masturbation, as if women aren't more capable of multiple orgasms than men. As if women don't use machines to produce (in your words) heightened sensations that their hands can't make. And wait for it....as if women don't view porn TOO.

Men get more pleasure out of masturbation than females? In the words of CW....Pffffft.

As far as the OP is concerned...there isn't much she can do except tell her husband how she feels about it. Sounds like the man communicated with her when she asked, so I'd explore that avenue. If he doesn't wish to stop, she'll have to examine her options then.

[stressed]

You're grabbing for anything here now.

As if women don't think about sexy thoughts during masturbation, as if women aren't more capable of multiple orgasms than men. As if women don't use machines to produce (in your words) heightened sensations that their hands can't make. And wait for it....as if women don't view porn TOO.

Men get more pleasure out of masturbation than females? In the words of CW....Pffffft.

What HD is saying is that, yes, women also enjoy masturbation, but they don't reach the same level as they do when they orgasm with their partner, or when there is foreplay/mental stimulation involved. Just look at how many men skip foreplay and jump into sex, they don't need the extra mental stimulation, their hand on themselves for a few seconds is enough to provide an erection. But a woman needs more than just lying there to be able to enjoy sex. She needs to be interactive so that pleasure will start from her brain first and then her body. Just rubbing a clitoris without being in the right state of mind is more likely to cause discomfort than stimulation.

Not all women enjoy toys, but show me a man who wouldn't find porn stimulating.

[maree23]

Husband and porn

You situation is a bit similar to mine. I also caught my husband looking at porn. It has also been going on ever since we got a computer which was seven years ago and I thought it was just pics but it turned out to be much more than that. I am also a christian women but my husband is not. The sickening part for me was he was acutally doing this while I was at church, asleep or at work. My husband became very abusive to me and in a way I blame the porn. This stuff that they watch is quite bad and it really distorts what sex was meant to be for the human race. Personally I feel that mastubation is very immature and defiles the body. You say your husband is also christian, then surley he must know that viewing porn and mastubating are both sins against ones own body. May be your pastor or priest can help they often can help with such issuse. The one thing I learnt was not to blame myself for this. He chose to view this and cut himself off from his family, he chose to sin not me. I am also 54 and have separated from him because he will not get any help with our marriage, but if your husband is willing to get help then you may be able to save yours. I've heard the addiction is worse than crac cocaine because the images stay in ones mind for ever. It now seems that men and women carn't even grow old together because for the man a beautiful young women is only a click away and I always thought in the end only kindness matters.

[Wenda61]

I don't care what anyone says - Porn is wrong! My husband almost lost his military retirement because of porn! I told to get the porn out of the house or he goes. I have children. Now I have just found out he is going on the internet watching teen porn. I have a teenage daughter.

[rcoreyus]

I think porn is like drinking. Some people can have an occasional glass of wine and be fine, others wind up in the gutter with a bottle of thunderbird in a paper bag.

Wenda - if he nearly lost his job / retirement it sounds like he has a serious problem.

For mariee23, masturbation is extremely common for men and women. I can't argue with what your religion considers to be a sin, but the majority of people consider it to be normal human behavior. A significant number of people consider porn to be bad, so I won't argue with you on that.