[Sweets011]

So Im 22 years old, My fiance and i have been together since high school,
we recently had to get married in a court house because my visa was about to expire, but none of our friends know we are married only our parents, and recently theres been this personal trainer ( Really attractive!) at the gym who always comes up to me asks me how im doing and etc... sometimes he works out there on the days im working out
and the other day as i was leaving he was asking me what Im doing this weekend, i told him i had plans and he said " We'll Im going to have to take you out one of these weekends when your not busy!" and then our conversation got interupted by a client asking him a question and i kind of just said have a good weekend and left.
I feel extremely guilty for liking this guy!
Next time he asks me to go out I will just tell him that im in a realtionship!

[Guest]

YOUR MARRIED !!! Which, last time I checked, is making your "relationship" permanent.

Tell the guy that your married.

[KMonte85]

Don't start playing with fire...

It is perfectly normal to still find other men attactive when you are in a relationship, however, how you HANDLE that attraction is what really matters.

Tell this man you're married, since he seems to not have a clue about that. He will back off, and tell yourself that even as a 'wifey' you've still got it if cute trainers are asking you out... then use that confidence boost when you're back at home with hubby.

If you have trouble just appreciating the cute trainer for being cute, if the attraction is too strong and it preoccupies your mind, if he continues to pursue you even after he knows you're not single - then you need to get out of there and find a new gym; or risk getting in a bad situation that you will most likely regret later on...

[Mes T]

If you're fallin' for a random cute guy so soon after committing to your partner in the most "extreme" way (marriage!), that tells me you still want to play the field and are unsure that your husband is the one for you for life. Not surprising, considering you were together since high school. Also the fact that you never mentioned your marriage is a red flag.

Also, for what it's worth? My best friend, who is in a loving relationship (and tells everyone about it) recently had to switch gyms because her personal trainer was hitting on her.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

we recently had to get married

So this guy, did you the biggest favour, married you because your visa was running out... But, as people are reading it, he didn't do it, just for that reason, that was "your reason", because you've been together since school and he was your fiance...

Unless he only did that as well, to "help" you stay in the Country under a fake relationship so that the parents accepted the marriage, he has feelings, and was honourable, thought that he kept you in the Country because you love him..

If that's not the case? Don't string him along, he deserves better than that...

Why aren't you wearing a wedding ring?

Why did you honestly marry this guy?

CW

[stressed]

I agree with CW.

You mention you "had to" get married because of your VISA (did you really want to marry your husband for who he is, or for the VISA? Honest answer please).

Then you add how nobody knows you are married. Why is that? Is it because you don't want people to think you married just because of the VISA? I also don't get much of the part of you've been together since high school but only you need a VISA and not him (maybe I don't get it because I'm only familiar with European permits, so it sounds odd to me).

You should not hide your marriage, especially from strangers. At least your friends know about your relationship, but strangers? Did you sign up at the gym stating you're single? Do you feel guilty/embarrassed for marrying your husband?

It's not just this instructor that seems to be the problem, but the way you're handling your marriage. This can get you into more trouble with other men later on.

[Sweets011]

Well originally we planned on having a wedding but since we were not able to afford it we had a court house wedding did not tell friends because we still want it to be special. In order for me to stay in the u.s I had to get married before visa expired , these past two weeks have been rough with our relationship, I do wear my ring all the time but next time the trainer comes up to me I will let him know that im married !

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Then you need to realise that he helped you stay and probably loves you.

If you are attracted to others, remember that everyone has arguements and nothing is easy, you must have at some stage had feelings for your now husband, work at getting that back..

CW

[kira]

You can have attraction to multiple people so that having feelings for a new person doesn't mean you lost feelings for your husband. It's how my sister's life works. Attraction to person A.. meet person B.. attraction to person A and B.... choose one (not always A).. repeat with C. The latter part is not how you should handle finding another person attractive when you really do love the person you are with. Acknowledge the feelings, remember why you love your husband, and move on. Telling anyone involved you are taken. It happens. Occasionally it even happens on purpose, I was just watching porn, so long as the other person is confident enough in your relationship to not have an issue with it. I could tell my husband this really hot, nice, funny guy just joined the martial arts school I go to and I don't think he'd give it much thought. After my initial realization of how attractive this person was both our first thought would probably be "can we befriend them" and "do they want to play video games". I'm not going to cheat no matter how I feel and he's not going to cheat so it's no big deal.