[Mes T]

Even more reason to go and live on your own, in my opinion. Even if it means working harder.

After you've been on your own for a while you might be better able to assess what's going on in your mind, what you want, what you need, etc.

One way or another I think you need to "GET AWAY" for a while.

Or maybe your husband could "get away", if he's got the funds to do so. Just a little trial separation thing to see how things go. He can continue to support you since you'll still be married.

I wish you'd give it a shot.

[Ashlee T.]

Sally - Those of us that have been here a while have gone through many of these lows with you. I understand that you hate what goes on in your mind sometimes, and you hate the way you feel inside sometimes. But there ARE times you don't feel that way. You've had a rough go of it the past year or so and you've come a long way physically. I haven't given up on you. With that said, when a person holds their hand in the fire and says "it hurts!" but refuses to remove it from the fire, refuses to pour water on it, and refuses to extinguish it....then what can the friend do? Nada. Right? Things being different and better require your agreement and your cooperation.

I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as a true love/hate relationship. Both are very strong words associated with very intense feelings. If you truly love your husband, then saying you hate him makes you less credible. If you truly hate your husband, then saying you love him also makes you less credible. "I love you because you pay my bills and put up with me" is not love. There is more to you than this..... so tell us what it is about your husband that you love because something made you say "I do".

[JadedQueen]

What kind of surgery did you have? Have you always been like this or is it brought on by pain, frustration etc...
I went through something similar and I realized that I no longer liked much less loved the man I was married to... there had just been so many things over the years that I realized the only feelings I had for him were negative. He was flying home from a business trip he was on and I remember wishing that he wouldn't return the following day... I just wanted one more day of not having to deal with him, be around him or even look at him.... I don't know if it was my negative thoughts or just a coincidence but on his flight home the following day the plane he was on got struck by lightening and damaged both wings, the tail and nose cone of the plane. They ended up having to make an emergency landing and stay the night there... so I ended up getting my one more day of peace. It was then I realized it was time to file for divorce.

[Guest]

I know a guy who says, "Isn't it so much fun to marry someone you just want to aggravate for the rest of your life?" Sometimes marriage is that way. Don't wish death on him, divorce him and move on. Then both of you will be much more happy.

[SaharaJim]

Sally Feel free to tell me that I'm :Wrong, don't understand/know what I'm talking about etc. But I have followed your posts and have an opinion that you can either take or leave. You say you "hate" your husband and practically everyone else. What that usually is a sign of is that you don't like yourself and it is easier to pick out the characteristics you don't like in "others" and criticise them rather than "accept" that you have some "work to do" on yourself. My experience has been that if you don't like "YOU" then no one else is going to "please" you either. IMHO- the "problem" isn't your husband - it is you don't like yourself. In AA we have a prayer called the "SERENITY PRAYER" that goes: "God...Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, ..and the wisdom to know the difference." You have the power to change yourself- not anyone else. God Bless and good luck.

[oxy-moron]

None, they don't stay around long enough to marry me...

I am sure its not because they get nervous-Maybe its your cooking.

[oxy-moron]

Sally- remember- happiness comes from within. Focus on getting yourself into a better mental position.