[Hopeless Dork]

It sounds like you have such a beautiful marriage and a wonderful wife... aside from her quirky, and likely hurtful, sexuality. It sounds like you've done all you could to get it better... any changes she makes have to come from within herself, it sounds like... I agree with C-dub on this... that she's probably had some sort of sexual trauma, witnessed one, was embarassed by something at one point, something has effect her ability to let go sexually... she's orgasmic, most non-sexual women aren't. So there IS hope... I wish she'd get some counseling, but obviously asking her to go would probably make her feel like a freak and only worsen the intimacy. Its a real catch 22 and I'm sorry you are going through it.

[WildChild]

At this point it may be a good idea to quit footing around about and it put it squarely on the table. Lay it out, you are a healthy male, you love and desire her but you need sexual connection and satisfaction and expect to have steps taken to correct and deal with this. That may be counseling, it may be a sex coach or therapist, but it needs to be addressed.

[WildChild]

We have an over active profanity filter.

[JadedQueen]

I am sorry to hear that your marriage has this issue, aside from this it sounds like you and your wife have a wonderful relationship. As far as the medical condition being a reason or part of the reason why her desire for sex is almost nonexsistant, I don't think that is the issue. I had the same problem two years ago and it didn't have any affect on my sex life, or my sex drive. I did have the surgery to have them removed because mine were very large and caused sever back pain and excessive bleeding during my cycle. After having several tests run the doctor informed me that I had 5 fibroid tumors and together they were the size of a newborn baby and only getting larger and it was seriously recommended that I have them removed. I went in for the surgery and it was a fairly simple proceedure. I went to the hospital in the morning and I was on my way home by lunch time. At the time I was a full time student and I scheduled the proceedure on a day I didn't have class and I was back in class the very next day no problems, no pain, no complications. But... as I said before, I dont' think the two are related.

[herbie]

Hmm... she uses a vibrator does she have a dildo ?You know were im going with the dildo if she uses it there is no penetration issues .I don,t get it if she has any pain with penetration you would think she would tell you wouldn,t she ? how often is she using her vibrator? What does she say is her problem?I would be taking my wife toys away if she didn,t communicate with me .She needs to be honest with you tell her if its something you do you would rather hear the truth then at least you can deal with things.

[rcoreyus]

Jadedqueen: thank you for your input. I think that in my wife's case, the location of the fibroids makes the surgery to remove them more difficult. I think though that you are right, this is not the cause of the problem - its existed before she had fibroid problems.

Herbie - I don't think she uses anything other than the (external) vibrator. I don't know for sure, the only way I know she masturbates at all is that the vibrator moves around sometimes when she has some time when I'm not at home. I can't say anything to her - I'm essentially spying when I keep track of this - originally found out by accident. When I've hinted at it, she doesn't want to talk about that at all, but doesn't deny it.

She does like (careful) penetration when we do have sex - quite rare now.

I can't "take her toys away" - although I got them for her, they belong to her. Its true that I rather regret getting them - since before I think she found it easier for me to give her an orgasm than to do it herself.