[Enchi]

Hello,
I'm not sure if I am posting in the right thread but here goes.
I have a friend, who is young (like 20) and she has a little girl with her ex boyfriend.
They have been sharing custody of her for the past while, I think she is one years old.
Now the problem is his attitude...
He drops her off, actually his mother drops her off, whenever he wants (like 1pm instead of the agreed 3pm). And the verbal abuse he gives her is rediciulus, he calls her every name in the book and treats her like .
No lawyers have been involved yet, so I was wondering where she stands as the mother and current full time care giver. Has anyone ever been through this and what was done to solve it?
Thanks for any help regarding this

[Goosey]

Generally if they fight for Custody, the custody will be given to the mother (unless the mother is good for nothing)--- at least here in Canada. My sister-in-law had tonnes of issues with her ex, and he would say I'm picking up the kids, and not shown up, she has full custody, and he's never paid a dime to those kids. He ended up fighting for custody (because he thought it would take away his payments with no responsibility), but then he never showed up to court.

If she really doesn't want her ex involved, beacuse he is a bad influence, you could probably get lawyers involved --- problem is its expensive.

[Enchi]

Does she have any rights as she stands now to control what happens with her daughter?

[Goosey]

If she is making visit times already -- it sounds like she has full custody. But what kind of control?

[Enchi]

Does she have the control to tell him he can't see her until he pulls his together and stops verbally harassing her? Or as an example that because Monday is one of his "days" can she say no because it's Halloween?

[Goosey]

At this moment, if she doesn't have sole custody I don't think she can. She would need to get full custody, I think. The best (I think) she could do is either ask him if they can switch or ask if they can do Halloween together.

I'm no expert with this, and Laws in Canada are different than elsewhere. But from my understanding, unless she has sole custody she needs to consult with him if she were switching days and such.

[Enchi]

Yea she did ask if they could go together but I don't think that went over very well. Umm, as far as I know there is no shared custody or anything, no law has been involved. For me I would tell him where to go, she gets nothing from him but verbal abuse. No money or anything. I just feel bad for her and wanted to try and help. Thanks so much for your input

[Goosey]

I would caution her before she decides to verbally abuse him back (by telling him "where to go"). If there hasn't been law involved, she should be the best she can be so she can prove she deserves full custody.

[danceintx]

She can try to do custody for free through the State Attorney Generals office, if he wants to agree to her terms. Otherwise she will have to get a lawyer and file in court. It's very expensive and if she doesn't have money, she can try to go through legal aid. Before she does anything though I would check what the laws are in your state for tape recording conversations. In my state I could tape record my ex abusing me, and if I were her, I would start collecting evidence. She may be able to use it in court.