[Booksy]

Beautiful Disaster; Aeryan Sun: Oh, when I told him it may be a good idea to brush his teeth after breakfast, I wasn't trying to tell him what to do, at all. I was trying to get him to think, "wait a minute, if eating breakfast after brushing your teeth makes your breath bad, mine must be really bad because I sometimes don't brush them at all during the day". But that's not the point really: if you and others thought that was what I meant, chances are he did, too. Bummer :S

I would say he showers, on average, four or five times a week. His body doesn't smell foul but he definitely has an... 'unwashed' smell to him when it's been a while between showers. His pits smell in the mornings, but then anyone's would, and the smell goes away when he puts deodorant on. So no to body odour; yes to a general... Smell. Yes, his breath is foul. I feel awful saying this but I've noticed even after he's brushed his teeth it's terrible, so I think there's either an underlying problem or he's doing something wrong. His teeth look, to me, very yellow. No, he never, ever gets any infections: in fact, he's the healthiest person I know, and uses that to justify his actions.

BabyGirl: No, the shower and washer are in separate rooms, but for some reason the shower isn't as powerful when I'm doing a load of laundry. To be honest, though, I use it mostly as an excuse to just get him to shower.
Yeah, really looking forward to the diapers! lol.

To everyone who's suggested we take a shower together: it's a great idea, and I wish we could, but he hates it. Maybe it's because he's a big football player guy and there's not a lot of room for both of us, but he really hates taking baths and showers together!

Yesterday, when we had just woken up and were still lying in bed, he noticed that I covered my nose when he yawned in my face (uugh, I tried to be subtle, and I obviously failed). He said, "Is my breath really that bad?", and I figured because he was asking calmly, not getting defensive; because I'm overly sensitive to smells right now; and because it was 'morning breath', not just general 'breath', I'd just be truthfull. So I said, "well... Yes". His reaction? He said "I love how everything is disgusting and dirty to you" and got out of bed. And I don't know whether this is related or not, but he didn't brush his teeth at all that day; and hasn't today, either (it's now nearly 5pm).

I don't know what to do. I want to make him see that I am telling him these things because I love him. If I were about to go out to see friends and had really bad breath or my clothes smelled unwashed and disgusting, I'd actually be upset if he didn't tell me. Now, of course I would never forgive him if in front of loads of people he suddenly said "your breath stinks, you might want to go freshen up", but I have never and would never do that to him.

Final note on the baby thing: I understand that when the baby is here, we can't go handling him/her with dirty hands and things; and the environment must be clean. But what about right now? Anyone know of any evidence, supporting or not, that poor hygeine etc is harmful for a developing baby?

Thanks for being so great, y'all

[grrrr]

Okay, he's not as gross as I initially thought. The one area that I would focus on is the mouth/breath thing. If it's nasty after brushing, he needs to see a dentist - which will be like pulling teeth (har har har) to get him to go to, but there is a need.

You're not a germophobe, you just have different ideas of what "clean" is - double wearing underwear is grodie, and the brushing of the teeth is kind of really not my thing... That said, it sounded so much more tragic and disgusting before the layers were peeled!

Get him to the dentist!!

[leajones]

You are right.... My husband grosses me out. He chews tob it makes his tounge and teeth brown he has that old man smell somtimes and his hair stays oily I have talked to him and he will clean up for a day or two then back to the nasty. He is retired now and is home all the time...He was not like this before we married.

[ItalianSweetie]

Hi. You are not OCD about germs. He is the one with the hygeine problem. If I were you I would try to talk to him and explain how you feel about his hygeine in a nice way. You don't have to be mean about it, but he needs to know because he is probably spreading alot of germs around, and he could probably give you an infection. There is no way I could sleep with a man who didn't brush his teeth or take care of himself. As far as going down on him, Forget it. You shouldn't have to remind a grown man to take a shower and brush his teeth. I would be so disgusted with him. You need to tell him how you feel, sweetie.

[SpankedWife]

This would be a deal breaker for me. I couldn't stand someone that filthy. That's just disgusting. It sounds like he is still affected by past trauma that he hasn't resolved yet. That requires therapy.

What I would do if I woke up as you tomorrow:

Sit down together and tell him there are some things bothering me. I would start off saying that I realize he doesn't want me to act like his mother, but there are things that are just disgusting to me that I need changed. I'd list off everything that is unappealing and ask him to change it. I'd also give an ultimatum: either be clean or be single. He can easily change these behaviors if he cares how disgusted you are.
I would also strongly suggest therapy for his trauma.