[IsaDa]

Sorry it took a while to get back to everyone. Things have just been really chaotic here lately.

I know things have been really hard on everybody. I understand I may push him away.
I may not be an angel but neither is Colby. He did do a lot of things that push me away over the years. When I was pregnant with my son, Colby was talking about going back to the army and flying helicopter for them again and I didn’t like the idea of this at all. Then 9/11 happened and that’s when I told him I will not stay with him if he goes back to the army.
At the time I also had a very good career and was trying to save up to buy a house. Colby on other hand was just more into having fun instead of being a dedicate family man. He was working a job that he find fun and it doesn’t pay that good at all. He doesn’t care much about house or anything, in fact he wasn’t exactly too thrilled by the idea of buying a house and wanted to rent an apartment instead. This just upset me. Colby was so stubborn about this that I end up have to buy a house myself!
Once I realize I cannot juggle my career and have kid. I told Colby that he would have to find another job that actually pays bills. What did he do? He went to a European friend he met when he was in Europe during his time in the army! He got this job he has now that just leads to numerous problems due to bad influence from those Europeans.

Because of the job, he now lives in Europe part time. This just creates a lot of strain between us.
The money is really good, but he just is horrible with it. The house and mortgage is in my name but it is Colby’s income that pays for it. Colby would pay bills and stuff then give me the money I need for family and stuff. Then he’d just blow everything on fun stuff. He never saved for anything useful such as new furniture, new cars, house upgrading, kid’s college, or anything like that. It is always for his new toys or travel or just to throw away having fun.
I used to love to go out and having fun with him, but ever since we had children, it just isn’t the same. Especially when I’m wondering what things will be like in long term? Colby doesn’t seem to care about retirement and says we have no obligation to save for our kids. He pretty much told me he gave me enough money to save if I want to, I can do whatever but to leave him alone about his!

Other thing is, Colby in early 40s and five years older than me but he still live like as if he’s in his twenties. When he’s home, he’s almost never here. He’s always out running around doing things like riding motorcycle, rock climbing, kayaking, and other things.
People keep telling us that Colby is aging very well and he still look so amazing that younger girls are even hitting on him. Then I found out he cheated on me with a 28 years old girl from Europe who is his copilot! This doesn’t do any good for my esteem! I just feel so old and unattractive.
Those are just few of reasons I don’t really enjoy going out with him much anymore.

Colby also have a major issue when my mom moved in. He was very against the idea in every way. In end I pretty much told him that I bought this house and that my mom need help and that I’m not going to put her in a place she doesn’t want to be in. This hurt my feeling a lot. I cannot believe he’d even have the nerve to try refusing to let my aging mom to move in.
On top of that, he’s not even close to the kids! He barely does anything with them. He pretty much pretends they don’t exist.

With how I feel about myself, how Colby feel toward the family, how Colby is handling life, and everything, it is just hard for me to be really happy about giving him what he need. He has to learn that his life cannot always be all about going out to have fun. He has to learn that there are people who rely on him and me and that we all have to work together as a team and family. He cannot just have everything his way and I cannot just drop everything for him.

[KMonte85]

There are definitely some MAJOR communication and compromise issues going on in your marriage. From your description in your most recent post, it seems like you both pretty much just do whatever each of you see fit, and "too bad, so sad" to the opposing party... look at it: his job and outside activities, the house, your Mom.. I'm sure there are a hundred more. At what point did the two of you sit down, hash it out and come to a mutual agreement on any of those situations? This is what healthy relationships are all about.

I can definitely see why you're fed up and resentful. I can see why he probably feels the same. Question is, are you two willing to work it out? If so, a marriage counselor is a MUST. You need a neutral third party to help you work through the years of resentment. And I would say (although a counselor would have more wisdom that I), at least for the foreseeable future, your husband should find a job in the states, somewhat close to home, if you want a better change of saving your marriage.

If you don't want to save your marriage, if you're TOTALLY fed up, I would still suggest counseling, for you at least. Not because of any stigma that there's something "wrong" but because you need to work through these feelings productively, so you can have the best divorce and working relationship possible - for the sake of your son. Don't stay strictly because of the money. Plenty of women in this world are single moms with careers and happy, healthy children.

[DSemcho]

At first I wanted to give my two cents, but I think everyone else does a good job of that on their own... But I'm going to anyways. Being a wife to someone who goes overseas a lot is a hard thing to handle, and I'm speaking from personal experience as a military wife. But you have to realize that while they are home you have to accommodate them back into your everyday schedule. Maybe while he's home he can help out a little and you can give him the affection he needs and craves. My husband used to be just like you, didn't want to cuddle or have sex, and our relationship was falling apart. But since he changed (on his own) it has become and amazing relationship. We were not in love when we got married, it was a convenience on his part (to get out of the barracks) and I knew I could never get a guy who looked that good again. But I did fall in love with him right before our wedding (about 2 - 3 weeks) and I could tell he didn't love me until about 8 months into the marriage. I think you have love for him but not in the way a wife really does. It's like with me and my ex, I have love for him and I will always worry about his well being but I don't need him in my life to be happy.