[confusedandlost]

I have been with my husband since we were 15. We have two children together and haven't really had any problems in our sex lives. I never had any question that he was attracted to women. However, I just recently found that he had posted some things on a website for encounters with men. I found out before anything happened....and he swears that nothing ever would have happened. I have no idea why he would have posted it on there if he didn't plan on meeting them. He even posted intimate pictures of himself. He says he was just insecure of himself and wanted to see what they would post....but then why didn't he post it on the women's. Weird as it sounds, I have an easier time dealing with this because it was not with women. But now I don't know what to do. I know he loves me and the kids. I love him more than anything in the world. I just don't know if he is too embarrassed to explain to me the truth as to what he was doing. I think he knows that this would not go over well with our family and friends. I have no one to talk to about this because I don't want to tell friends or family and change the way they look at him. I just couldn't do that to him. I just don't want him lying to himself or me. Was it the "man" aspect that he wanted or can I expand my sexual activities to please him more? He will never admit to me that he was actually seeking a man.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He says he was just insecure of himself and wanted to see what they would post

Hi Confused and Lost...

There are quite a few threads on this subject, recent as well if you wish to search and see any simularities.

But one thing strikes me.

Men are honestly emotional as well, they just hide it better. They have in-securites as well and mainly it's to do with two things. The size of their penis or receeding or baldness.

Whether married or not. The issues stems from puberty in this situation and it could have really caused him alot of heartache with other women.

It makes sense to see if other "men" and off course they would have to be gay would laugh or try to meet with him.. This is an issue and the only way around it I think is to play on it without him being aware, that he is all that.

[BabyGirl]

I just don't know if he is too embarrassed to explain to me the truth as to what he was doing. I think he knows that this would not go over well with our family and friends. I have no one to talk to about this because I don't want to tell friends or family and change the way they look at him. I just couldn't do that to him. I just don't want him lying to himself or me. Was it the "man" aspect that he wanted or can I expand my sexual activities to please him more? He will never admit to me that he was actually seeking a man.

Don't Hound him on this.,let it drop. You don't give an age other than 2 kids and knowing each other since 15 . But... you may have to go through this again, with your Children. Male or Female, they will one day have to find their " Kinship ". That does not mean ,always, their Sexual Preference, but whom they feel most comfortable with.

As CW said ,he may feel Closer to some Men or he may just be Comparing his to other Men .

Make him feel like he is the " Biggest, Sexiest, Hottest guy " whenever Possible.
If you find Porn on the comp, whether Guy or Girl or Orgy Porn. That is a " Red Flag '.

It is time to talk . It's also time to put a Child Lock on the Comp. With kids these days , an Unlocked Comp is a World of Information , that they may not be ready for .


You can, talk, ask, expect Truth from him. Trust and Believe. But if he is not Truthful after the Lock Down of the Comp .
I would then try for Couples Therapy .

[jns]

Where there's smoke, there's fire or there will be soon if nothing else changes.

Maybe he wants you to be dominant. Have you discussed this?