[dreamer40]

I just feel so lost!!! My husabnd and i have been seperated back and forth for a year...he left the last time in january,saying he had no other choice??he blames me for everything...I know of 2 women,of course he denies doing anything only having contact,talking thats it.Im completely broken and yet again i made a fool of myself again this morning,if he hangs up ,yells,doesnt respond...he knows i will start texting or go to him...everytime.ive done some reading and i know he is a true narcissist /maybe verging on socio path.do i stay away no?do i run no!i feel like his ways are making me crazy!when so many people would of walked by now,and he curses me,shoves me,cheats and im crying???i know this is wrong every bit....i know i have noone else here to turn too,most of my friends will not speak to me because of the split,because of the line of work he does.im so sad,angry,im lost and many times just wanted to dissapear!!!! i want to meet new people,just dont know what to do....please,please someone help!!!!! my knees shake,hands,i dont sleep!and he just carrys on like nothing else....and im a mess.

[jns]

Why won't your friends talk to you. What does he do?

[Pollon]

Dreamer,

Narcissists can be very seductive and people are drawn to them. The problem with a narcissist is that they are happy to be your "friend" as long as you feed their ego. However, as soon as you criticize them or make any demands, they abandon you or retaliate. And if you try to continue the relationship, they will only do so under the old conditions of the relationship which fed their ego. In other words, if there was any "problem" with the relationship, it was you.

After some period of time, healthy people figure out how one-sided the relationship is and pull away.

Unfortunately, people with low self-esteem need/get addicted to the confidence boost they get from being associated with and around the seductive narcissist--he is like a celebrity. This need clouds their ability to see that, in fact, it is the narcissist who is the sick one. So they stay in the relationship even when it does nothing but cause pain and humiliation.

Two things keep them pursuing the relationship. The first is the HOPE that eventually the narcissist will see the truth, change his behavior and the relationship will return to its glory days. The second is that the narcissist often has many "fans" which leaves the rejected ones doubting themselves. They think, "All these other people think he is so great. Maybe I am wrong about him."

If your husband is the narcissist/sociopath you suspect you are probably stuck in the pattern I have described. The path out is to realize that:

1) Your husband is ill and no amount of pleading, logic or pursuasion is going to convince him to see things your way. Therefore, the HOPE you have that one day he will validate you and treat you fairly is wasted hope. The problem isn't you, the problem is that HE is INCAPABLE of relating to others as a normal humans does. So rather then feeling angry, hurt or rejected, the more appropriate feeling would be pity. Look on him as a child who is oblivious to fact that he has no real connections with people. He is only buying "friendships" by dispensing goodies to his "fans."

2) Realize that his "fans" either are new and haven't figured him out yet, are looking to boost themselves through association with him, have figured out his game and are pulling away or are former fans. I would guess that some of your friends who won't speak to you are former friends of his who figured out what kind of a person he is and now want nothing to do with him.

I hope this helps. Good luck.