[CapeCRunner]

He isn't crazy about being an electrician, but this job is a union position in a mall, so he gets paid better, there is security and he doesn't have to work on live electricity like he used to in his previous jobs. At first, it was a major plus for him. He didn't mind going, the hours were more regular and the electrical work was safer by a lot. He also didn't have to worry about getting laid off in the winter when business was slow.

Now, it's more-so the people than the work. He probably could switch his phone off afterwards, but if someone happened to call and he didn't pick up, he would probably get crap for it the next day. That's what he has said to me when I've suggested it. He actually plays hockey every now and then and goes to the gym 2-3 times a week, so he's not totally inactive. I'm just at a point where I don't know what else to tell him, or what to say. I feel terrible that he is that miserable. Friday was bad, and he didn't feel well on top of it. He was just drained when he came home, mentally and physically.

I work at a school, and I actually really enjoy my job. I just got hired at a new place over the summer, and I took it because everything kind of fit more for me there. The drive was less, the pay was slightly more. I am a P.E. teacher. I don't even want to tell him all the enjoyment I get from work because he is totally the opposite. I dunno, we'll see what happens in the near future.

[raindancer]

Congratulations on your new job! And what a beautiful career. Congratulations!

I think you should sit down with him for a talk when he's not thinking of it. You could tell him you're worrying. You could tell him how this level of stress is bad for him and how it has the potential of affecting his health and, in the long term, even your relationship, in the sense he may end up withdrawing from you.

Tell him to think of the positives and negatives of it and decide if he wants to stay there. Let him know you'll support him as you can if he decides he really can't take it.

But that if he decides to stay, he should seek mechanisms, both inside himself, as outside (relaxation techniques, breathing techniques) to learn to accept it as it is.

We can't change other people, but we can change the way they affect us. We may decide to remain calm and never take things personally. It isn't easy, but we can learn. We can learn to take our mind to a calm and good place when in the middle of a problem.

We can make a decision to focus on the good side of something and use that to better handle the bad features.

You say this job is really putting him down. If he can't take it, good income or not, isn't it better to leave? How many years can he go on this way?

Sometimes we postpone a decision only to be forced to take it at an even worse time.

Good luck to both of you.

[CapeCRunner]

Thank you. Yeah maybe we can brainstorm some ways that he can deal with the stress of the job now while we figure out a plan to help him switch careers. I think eventually it will have to happen.

As far as being a bad time, we are three months into our first pregnancy, so it's a little difficult right now as far as a paycut may concern. However, if we find that we can make it work and he finds something he doesn't mind doing for a little less money then that'll be another added variable to expand the possibilities.

I want him to be happy, because I know how much time is spend at work. It's a lot of hours to be miserable. I try to be as catering and loving to him as possible when he gets home.