[CapeCRunner]

My husband is an electrician and he is not at all happy with his job. It pays well but he is stressed a lot, I think I've posted on here before.
Here's the selfish part in myself. He may be able to get a job as a fisherman with very comparable pay and he is very interested in it. I don't want him to because he will be gone sometimes for days and it's a little dangerous in my opinion, not that an electrician isn't once in awhile. But I won't have contact with him while he's out on the boats, we'll have 2 young children very soon...

I'm not going to tell him not to do it because I see how unhappy he is in his current job. Not sure if I'm asking for advice or just venting but I'm anxious.

[Motorguy]

Well Cape it's a very legitimate concern you're having with hubby working on a commercial fishing boat. My wife's mother raised 6 kids pretty much by her self. When her dad was in the coast guard gone 6 months out of the year and then he worked on a fishing boat and was gone for one to two months at a time until my wife was 16 years old. Then her dad got out of the business all together. So leaving you now with a young son and soon to be another son in a month or so it's a huge concern you are feeling. I would for sure let hubby know how you're really feeling. But working on a commercial fishing boat is very dangerous work when the seas get very extremely rough. My feeling you're not being selfish or anxious just being worry about hubby not being around for his sons. God bless you and your family.

[jns]

What is the source of the stress your husband feels? Stress at work usually comes from a boss or a coworker. I have worked in the electrical field for several decades and I have never wanted to leave the work. I have had coworkers that caused me stress. I consider commercial fishing to be much more dangerous than electrical work.

[Ashlee T.]

I think a wife has every right to speak up in an instance where a career change will negatively affect her and the lives of their children. I am sure he is interested in it. Most men who are interested in that kind of activity would be. Plus, he gets to leave and be free from parental responsibilities for extended periods of time. But it's not fair, in my opinion, to leave your family behind when you can compromise. I think he needs to look for something that is more family-friendly so that he can be around to contribute to the partnership you've established in a marriage and in raising children.

[atskitty2]

You say you won't tell him not to do it? But have you been honest in your communication to him, that you'd rather he not do it? <br />
There's a big difference there. If you haven't, you should tell him your preferences, your concerns and reservations with this.<br />
I think he needs to know your views, and needs to consider them. This is potentially a source of strife and resentment without strong communication and consideration of all variables here.<br />
<br />
What is the stressful issue with his current job? <br />
I know you've posted about it in the past. <br />
Has he made every attempt to address the issues and moreso, to manage his response to it? I think unless he's exhausted every option for improving it, he should hesitate before leaving. And I mean active, directed attempts to change himself and the situation. <br />
<br />
Fishing boats are not exactly stress free environments either....so unless he manages to change his own approach and perspective, *eventually* he's going to find himself in a similar situation. Maybe...depends on what the stressor is...

[CapeCRunner]

He isn't a big fan of his boss but he doesn't love working on live electricity either. He's been doing it more or less since before he was 20. I feel bad because I love my job. I don't know what I would do if I was unhappy every day. He has been talking for years about trying to get out of the profession, even before we were married he had said he didn't want to do it for the rest of his life. So, there are definitely several triggers.

I haven't been completely honest with him about how I would rather not have him change careers, at least not this one that is currently on the table. I suppose that is step one.

He is very easy to talk to and not at all stubborn. If I flat out tell him I don't want him to do it, I know he wouldn't. I just feel bad.

[Motorguy]

Then Cape that's what you do. You discuss with hubby of why it's not a good idea taking this new fishing job. I think after you sit down and discuss it with hubby he will see you're right that it's not a very good time to change jobs. I mean nothing stops him from changing careers, but have that new job in place before you move on from the old job. Even more that he will be around every night for you and kids.
Happy Easter and God Bless you and the family as well.

[CapeCRunner]

Thanks

[Ashlee T.]

Your hubby sounds like a sweet man. Have you thought about helping him to look for something that may be a happy medium, where he can get out of the line of work he's in but also be able to be home with his family in the evenings and weekends? Sometimes a significant other sees potential in their partner that their partner doesn't see in themselves. Talk to him about the things he's the best at and start focusing some job searches on that. Let him know that you're willing to sacrifice financially if needed in order to see him in a job he is happy in.

I think we're all looking for happiness..... in every aspect of life. Some people are in jobs they are super passionate about and LOVE....but let's face it...most of us aren't. Most of us are doing what we have to do to make ends meet and sometimes that means doing something you're not super thrilled in. In other words, I think it's an endless search for most of us.

[CapeCRunner]

I have asked him if he would consider trying to find a teacher job at a trade school. Most of them do not require a teaching degree but a number of years experience in the field of the trade. It might be a difficult job to come by but he has considered it.

I will have to sit with him and brainstorm and I honestly don't mind us having to take a little pay cut for him to be happy. I get decent raises every year and I am going to start working a part time summer job at a camp ( I am a teacher). So we could make it work. I think that is good advice because he is willing to bend to make me happy, so I want to do what I can to make sure he is too.

Thanks for response.