[empty1]

Hello Internet world—I'm afraid I am on the edge.

I have no idea what is wrong with me anymore. I'm a 22 year old healthy female, and I'm afraid my mood swings and depression are worse than ever before. My boyfriend of two years seems more distant than ever, and I think it is all my fault.

I am normally the most laid-back, happy, goofiest person I know, I eat healthy, exercise regularly and have a low-stress job and lifestyle. I live on my own and support myself completely. My problem is during the 1-2 weeks before my period I turn into an absolute nightmare. My mom, best friend, and boyfriend all know exactly when it happens and say I become a completely different person. During those days I can not make myself happy no matter how hard I try, I pick apart my relationship to death and hone in on all of the bad and forget about all of the thoughtful wonderful things my boyfriend has done for me these past years. All I can think about is how mean, selfish, or arrogant he is, but I know that this really isn't true at all. During those days I also hate my job, feel like my career is at a dead end, and feel completely useless and ugly inside and out. It hasn't made a difference that I know it's coming, during that time I feel like all those feelings of anger and depression and self-hate are real. But a few days into my period, it's like the fog clears and I look back at all the horrible out bursts and and the metaphorical bloody bodies strewn across the battle field that I tore apart and then get even more depressed, and embarrassed about what I said or did. I spend half my work day hiding in the bathrooms balling thinking no one should have to or would ever want to deal with someone like me for the rest of their life, and think about ending my relationship for his sake.

I tried an IUD (Mirena) But it was so painful and my periods were unbearable. (I bled through to my mattress every night). I was on Ortho Tri- Cyclin Lo, but have been hormone free for about 3 month now because I thought going off the birth control would help. Unfortunately nothing has really changed. I finally went to a doctor, but I feel so embarrassed about everything it's really hard for me to talk about. I'd be even more embarrassed if someone put me on anti-depressants. The doctor I went to prescribed Loestrin 1/20 for me to start taking today because she said I must just have a hormonal imbalance, and that I just have to keep trying different pills and hormone combinations until I find one that works for me. Is this even true? I try to look back on the last time I was happy, and it was after I was hormone free for quite some time. But it's been three months and no changes. This past month was the worst one yet. I feel like switching on and off different pills and hormones is the worst thing I could do. Is there any way to test for hormone imbalance? Could this be something else? I feel like if I don't get help, I'll lose everyone close to me to this problem.

[triciaw]

I was on Nortrel 7/7/7 and I was HORRIBLE freaking out over nothing. I stopped taking them due to a recall and I feel so much better no more freak outs, no more break downs. You may need to let the hormones balance out before you feel better, esp if you have been taking them for a long time. I was told anywhere from 3 months to a year before everything was normal. I had Paragard put in(non hormonal) and I am still perfectly fine. I definitely feel like the hormones played a role in me being unbearable. I hated the feeling. There are some women who can't use hormonal birth control. You shouldn't feel embarrassed talking with your doctor, they are there to help and it will only get fixed if you are open with them. I suggest getting off hormones. Paragard is an IUD and if you had trouble with one, I wouldn't suggest trying it.

[DreamP346]

Yes its true you have to try different pills to figure out what works best for you. Definitely explain the situation to your doctor. This is fairly common. They will prescribe something based on your condition. Also consider going to a psychiatrist. Its sounds like PMDD which is a depressive disorder. It can be managed by drugs, but you can also not other methods. Look for somebody with expertise on PMDD otherwise they will just ignore it as PMS.

[Smith28]

I have the same issue! I was diagnosed with PMDD. But I was totally irrational about a week before my period. Like I would have violent thoughts about my fiancé (when he is the sweetest man in the world). I would lay in bed and cry all day for no reason. My life was a total mess that week before. I would act out in rage towards my mom (who is my best friend) and my fiance. I got so depressed and felt like I didnt want to live anymore. My gyno switched me to a different bc pill. I also take 20mg of prozac everyday as well. Talk to your gyno about PMDD and ask what they can do for it.

[shoshannah]

The right pill can be a really wonderful thing. I have clinical depression, and once I found the right one it actually helped my mood swings (not much, but a little). It also cleared up my acne, made me quit bleeding like a stuck pig, made me super regular, and made me a little more self-confident about my body image (which I have huge issues about) by making me go up a cup size. And later, when I started having sex, I was already protected from pregnancy almost as a fringe benefit. I'm not looking forward to going off it. So there is hope for you.

The downside is that there are about a billion different brands of pill out there, and the only sure way to find the right one for you is try different ones, and there's no shortcut for that. it's also possible, i guess, that you wouldn't do well on any of them. Maybe what worked well for your mother or a sister, it would be more likely to work well for you.