[grrrr]

I posted the No Sex: comment...

I told the hubs that I thought that we were becoming "friends" or "buddies" now I feel terrible............. Why can't life be like wall paper - it's there, it's constant......... it doesn't change???

I'm not sorry that I said it, but I'm very sad and sorry that it hurt his feelings. "Vanilla" doesn't really exist.

[LanaBear]

I take it he didn't handle it all that well?

[grrrr]

Felt bad.... didn't want to think about it "that way" -- but it's starting to feel like that. More like "roommates" than "partners" - I don't know how to get over that.

[LanaBear]

Did he understand at all where you were coming from? Because obviously you didn't come to this overnight...

[grrrr]

Did he understand at all where you were coming from? Because obviously you didn't come to this overnight...

Very good question. YES. It's been an on-going problem, but I've been the "silent" partner - he knows that I'm frustrated - that's the part that irritates me the most. Shouldn't there be some sort of "intuition"? I mean, there are two people in a relationship. I ask.... there's a "no" - and I'm doing this constantly - well, I was until I just gave up - which begged my telling of "friendship" - Don't get me wrong, I know that it was mean, and probably wrong - but when I was making him dinner tonight, I just didn't feel the "zest" that I usually feel. It was more like slopping food on a plate, no "love" involved. I think that there's a new chapter evolving, and granted, while I don't want that, it may be turning the page.... trust, it makes me sick thinking about it.

[rcoreyus]

I think you did the right thing. Intimacy is a lot of what separates friendship from love. He needs to understand that this is a big problem. I've often pondered a way to tell my wife the same thing.

[grrrr]

I think you did the right thing. Intimacy is a lot of what separates friendship from love. He needs to understand that this is a big problem. I've often pondered a way to tell my wife the same thing.

Thank you. It still doesn't make me fell any better... but at the end of the day, at least the "dirty laundry" is out there. It still SUCKS. Now it's "repair mode" - I have to crawl out of the hole that I've made. We live together. Until I can cobble the money to get out, (I guess that's where I'm headning - which breaks my heart btw) I have to make it work.

GOSH, I never thought that I would think of leaving......... but I can't live the rest of my life with a "friend" - judge as you will. I gaurtee that I won't "be" with anyone anytime soon.

Who knew that "sex" would have these ramifications? They should have educated us early in life. Wow.

[grrrr]

OK. I'm not going any where. I'm mad at myself for even throwing that to the GODS.

At the end of the day I guess I'll take the "friend" over the "lover" -- I guess I just "traditional" - I don't want to mess it all up.

[pretzel]

I think you did the right thing. Intimacy is a lot of what separates friendship from love. He needs to understand that this is a big problem. I've often pondered a way to tell my wife the same thing.

RC is so spot on with this comment. Right now you're dealing with a husband who has (apparently) been diagnosed with low T which for men (and women) the hormone which perpetuates the sex drive. He's made a conscious decision to ignore this. He's only 50 and if he feels that he's not at his sexual best then he needs to get a reality check.

Tell him quite honestly that you have enough friends. You need a lover and you really want it to be him.

[Ashlee T.]

I read your last post too. And I know you feel bad inside for feeling the way you do, like sex shouldn't matter that much......but it's not just the sex, it's the intimacy you two are lacking that leaves you feeling like you have more of a roomie than a hubby. You need to focus on realizing that you're not shallow for feeling the way you do. Being a wife (and husband) is hard, and takes work. When you're making that effort yet not feeling any of the benefits of marriage, then it begins to feel like "what am I working for?". That's not shallow. That's human. And if your husband truly cares about making you, his wife, happy.........then he'd be researching, talking with doctors, trying to find ways to improve this. If he refuses to try, then he makes the decision FOR you. And we all know that's not what marriage is about.