[jonnas111]

Is Oral Sex... Sex or Not?
Maybe it is the day and age we live in or something, but when I was younger, there was no question about if oral sex was sex. It just was. But I hear a lot of teens now days saying that it is not. What is your opinion? Do you believe oral sex is not sex? Why or why not?

[Romy]

I think oral sex is sex. Obviously it's not sexual intercourse but it's a sexual act. Maybe it's an age thing - I don't know.

[Susan Sweetlove]

Oral sex must be sex because I enjoy it so much!

Seriously, anyone saying oral sex is not "sex" is splitting hairs. (Is splitting pubic hairs sex?) "Sex" in this case means engaging in behavior that involves stimulation of the genitals or other erotic areas (breasts, anus) combined with sexual excitement. Oral sex certainly fits this description. By this definition, phone sex or sexting is not "sex". I suppose some might try to convince themselves that oral sex is not "sex" so they can assert they are technically a "virgin" while still engaging in sexual behavior. Maybe some teens believe oral sex while "hooking up" is more common, less risky, involves less commitment or easier that intercourse so it's not "sex" (thought I tend to discount sensationalist stories in the popular press about an epidemic of "hooking up" or "rainbow parties" among teens.) When I was a teen oral sex was seen as a more erotic or "naughty" behavior than vaginal intercourse.

Wasn't the idea that oral sex is not sex what Bill Clinton asserted after Monica gave him a blow job in the Oval Office? ("What do you mean by 'sex'?" What do you mean by 'mean'?")

By the way, I'm all in favor of teens doing oral sex instead of vaginal intercourse. It's safer and a hell of a lot of fun!

[Magnetism]

Oral sex is sex. To discount it as not sex just insults how pleasurable it is.

I think people say it doesn't count, because they don't want it to count in their number of partners. I had a female friend that said "I slept with 8 people, but I can't even count how many people I gave oral too." To each their own.........but in my book, it's sex. Sex with no oral is bad sex!

[effy2014]

Teens will say anything to get what they want. I wouldn't ever mold my beliefs around the hormonal thoughts of an incomplete adult.

That said, I am not sure that there is or needs to be a universal definition of "sex." One can certainly define it as only intercourse. One can use the expansive definition to include what Susan posted. The question you pose is not the definition but what is to be accomplished by a narrow or more expansive definition. In short, why does the definition matter in the context of your post?

[Susan Sweetlove]

Teens will say anything to get what they want. I wouldn't ever mold my beliefs around the hormonal thoughts of an incomplete adult.

That said, I am not sure that there is or needs to be a universal definition of "sex." One can certainly define it as only intercourse. One can use the expansive definition to include what Susan posted. The question you pose is not the definition but what is to be accomplished by a narrow or more expansive definition. In short, why does the definition matter in the context of your post?

I concede that everyone is entitled to their own personal definition of "sex". And "sex" is such a broad and diffuse concept that any final and all encompassing definition is impossible. I was only thinking in context of the original question of some common definition that would allow general understanding among people, like "Have you eaten yet?" Maybe some people consider eating a celery stick different from eating Thanksgiving dinner but I think someone who ate just a celery stick would not be achieving a level of common understanding if they said "No, I've not eaten today."

In the same way, someone who had engaged only in oral sex could say "Yes. I'm a virgin" but it would not be within common understanding to say "No, I've never had sex."

[effy2014]

^^ You are, of course, correct. I really wanted to understand the context of jonnas111's post, especially as it mentioned teenage beliefs. Positing the question in a vacuum, while somewhat interesting, is more relevant if we knew why the question was being asked.

For example, our virgin might not feel so virginal if you told her that she had sex. In her context, she did not.

[Magnetism]

Teens will say anything to get what they want. I wouldn't ever mold my beliefs around the hormonal thoughts of an incomplete adult.

That said, I am not sure that there is or needs to be a universal definition of "sex." One can certainly define it as only intercourse. One can use the expansive definition to include what Susan posted. The question you pose is not the definition but what is to be accomplished by a narrow or more expansive definition. In short, why does the definition matter in the context of your post?

It's not just teens. Even young adults or adults in their early 30's also feel that oral sex isn't sex. Ever since bill Clinton's situation happened, many people thought "Oh, I can do things this way!"

More men than women seem to view oral sex as sex. Most young guys I know feel that it counts, but the women will say it doesn't.

[Susan Sweetlove]

Good point effy.

I really wonder if this change has to do with a greater awareness among teenagers about avoiding unwanted pregnancies? I read recently that teen pregnancies have plummeted in recent years to unprecedented low levels. Maybe teens are figuring out that oral sex is the best contraceptive available-it's free, it's always available, and it's fun. Maybe teens are using oral sex more that we did years ago because the are more aware of it because it's so common in porn. Once oral sex was like a dirty secret only bad girls did when their boyfriends made them. Now everyone know about oral sex because of porn.

[Magnetism]

Good point effy.

I really wonder if this change has to do with a greater awareness among teenagers about avoiding unwanted pregnancies? I read recently that teen pregnancies have plummeted in recent years to unprecedented low levels. Maybe teens are figuring out that oral sex is the best contraceptive available-it's free, it's always available, and it's fun. Maybe teens are using oral sex more that we did years ago because the are more aware of it because it's so common in porn. Once oral sex was like a dirty secret only bad girls did when their boyfriends made them. Now everyone know about oral sex because of porn.

I'm going to share my own personal experience. Having come from a family that said, "Don't get pregnant! Your life will be over!", oral sex seemed like a pleasurable thing to do.