[Bernice2020]

How many of your ladies are still doing clitoral masturbation?

[Alison H.]

I think most of us do... I can't speak for everyone, but it's pretty common. I'm not sure what you mean by "still doing," but women masturbate throughout their lives. There isn't an age limit.

[Bernice2020]

Thanks for your reply and it's something I had to discover and explore on my own. What would you recommend for ladies who are doing regularly.

[JonnyR]

Hello and welcome to the forums!

As for what most women would prefer or do, that is all very different for everyone.

Some women enjoy digital masturbation (fingers) only, some use various toys, and some use both.

Really, it's all about personal preference and what your body responds most to.

I would recommend, above all else, to experiment and try different modalities yourself, and over time, you'll begin to get a feel for what you like.

[Bernice2020]

Thanks for your feedback and advice. Yes, masturbation was something I heard from my ladies friends at school. The one girl showed me what she's doing and how sensational feeling it is.
Eventually I have realised the only way any women can getting use to the feeling of masturbation is by exploring your own body and touching yourself. I started by getting naked and watched myself in the mirror and touching my breasts and v. When I felt ready I will start rubbing my v until I could feel a build up and pause a moment and start rubbing it a couple of times until it's getting wet. The only way I learned it doing masturbation is by doing it regularly. Most women told me that it very important to urinate afterwards. Something I'm doing as I have anyway a big need doing it afterwards.

[Alison H.]

Yeah, a lot of masturbation really is self-discovery, either with hands or sex toys. It's a good way to learn about what feels good (or doesn't), so it's great that you're doing that for yourself. We have an article, if you're interested, on hands-free masturbation here: https://www.womens-health.com/hands-...rbation-orgasm

That might have some helpful ideas for new things to try!

[Acesup]

I have a crazy question along these lines. My wife claims she has never masturbated in her entire life and has no interest to. She thinks its gross. I can't really understand why she thinks like that. She isn't super religious or conservative or anything she just seems to think everything about sex except for good old fashioned intercourse P in V penetration is gross. I actually tried to buy her a vibrator like 10 years ago, a WeVibe that had a remote control and was waterproof so she would use it in the shower and use it to get more comfortable with herself without having to actually touch herself since that seems to be what she thinks is gross, any sort of touching or bodily fluids. She's never used it and won't let me use it on her.

But I just can't fathom that a grown woman who has been having sex for decades, lived alone for decades before she moved in with me and got married, and is not in any way religious frankly she used to do a lot of coke before she met me and smokes a lot of weed now so she can't be all that uptight and conservative, I can't fathom that a woman like that has never ever touched herself or masturbated. Is that common? I feel bad for her and frustrated too cause my God if she could ever get comfortable with her own body and figure out what she likes and find her own buttons and feel comfortable teaching me her buttons or letting me explore her body to find her buttons, my God if she could get that comfortable with herself how incredible the sexual chemistry could be between us. Its so hard trying to sexually satisfy a woman who is literally fighting against you almost putting up walls and making you always do it the hardest way possible.

But is that common for a grown woman to have never masturbated? I never met a woman before her that said that. But then again I never met a woman who didn't like receiving oral until I met her either. Its almost like Karma punished me for being so kink positive by making me fall in love with the most sexually closed off woman ever.

[JonnyR]

Acesup, I actually just looked this up, and it's actually quite common -- around 30-35% of women do not masturbate! With a percentage of those never having done it!

So, it's really actually common.

Now, speaking to your situation specifically, I was thinking about this the other day, and there's a lot of research in psychology and other circles that we usually are attracted to long-term partners that complete a part of us that we never had, or are used to having.

In your case, without knowing all your details, it could very well be that when you met your current partner, it was at a stage in your life when what she provided and the attraction you had, completed both of you -- sometimes this can manifest in unhealthy relationships and ways, or people.

Just because someone is attracted to -- for example -- abusive partners, does not mean that it is a HEALTHY behavior for them.

What often happens is that there is a part of us that is searching for that certain type of energy or personality that just feels "right" or "comfortable," like you've known them your whole life.

These often map to some type of childhood trauma, past, or longing.

For example, for you guys, what if she was attracted to your open and explorative nature, and you were attracted to her more closed-off, conservative nature in some weird underlying way you both could not explain?

What if a part of you "LIKED(S?)" that she is dismissive of you, makes you angsty and longing, and like you always aren't enough or have to prove yourself to her?

Maybe in turn, she required your energy to survive as she knew it, and so did you.

BUT that does not mean you are both in a healthy and bounded relationship -- only that you are in what at the time felt knowable, comfortable, or congruent for who you were and what you wanted or thought you wanted, then.

The real key to growth and stability is to find a partner that has both the "good" and "bad" attributes or tendencies that attract you, but that are displayed in a healthy manner.

For example someone who is naturally drawn to abusive partners, could find that same attraction or weird "comfort" by dating a good/grounded person who for example was integrated with their fullness or dominant traits but no longer ilicited abusive tendancies, but rather translates those into for example being kinky in the bedroom, or more positive or productive ways that still give the other person a "thrill" and match what they deeply need, but in a much healthier way.

The key is properly integrating the "worst" traits or needs we have with the very best qualities that others sometimes abuse or take advantage of us.

Growth emotionally comes from recognizing that sometimes we like people for traits that trigger us in bad ways, but instead of going towards them, we move AWAY from them, or learn to find them in healthy people that are fully integrated and have done the self-work to make that happen.

My two cents, but perhaps what once seemed like the most natural fit in the world -- for both of you -- was for the people you WERE and not for the people you ARE, or the people you need to become to be your best selves.