[mocha.peppermint]

Yes, I never ever thought that sucha thing would ever happen to somebody in real life..And it happened to me.

First of all let me introduce myself--I am a graduate student living in the US but coming from India. I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year. We were planning to get engaged this December and we broke up 2 weeks back!! I am having so much trouble getting over this and bumped into this site and thought that writing everything here and hearing from women will make me feel better..so here we go-

My ex boy friend--lets call him Mr. snake. So, we started with being friends..Mr. Snake was the most sensitive and caring guy i had ever met..he used to help me with coursework, cook for me when i was sick, went shopping with me and sat beside me when i was cramping..I never felt attracted to him in the beginning but right from the beginning he left no stone unturned to make the relationship happen..Gradually i gave in to his efforts and started letting down my defenses..what started as a fling ended up being the most serious relationship of my life..Before i knew, i was head over heels in love with him..he claimed he was too..

Come January, due to some emergency (my house caught fire) I had to go live with him for a couple of weeks..He lived with his second cousin sister and one other classmate. Thats when I realized something weird between him and his cousin sister (lets call her Ms. skunk). The Skunk was always behind her..Asking him to lift her from the couch downstairs and carry her to the bedroom upstairs-because she was too tired to walk..she used to fight with him (ofcourse in her room--which i overheard) when he spent time with me..i could sense the tension in the house--always..no one said anything to me but i read his e-mails and chats sometimes from her saying--"how can u be so" close to her (me of course!).."u belong to me and no one else"..saying that u promised we will share everything with each other like a couple and now you are not so close to me anymore"..who says that to their cousin brother..

Things got worse when i moved out (i used to feel strangled in that house). She called him every hour--asking him where he was, what he was doing,whether he ate something or not..and everytime he was with me, he lied to her..he said he does so because she will take time to accept me as his girlfriend..he lied to her all the time..he said he was with his friends playing cricket when he would be with me in my room..

I came to know of stuff--like, in spite of having two rooms, they slept together inside the same blanket sometime ( i don't know how often) --the reason-she is cold and sleeping with me (the snake said that) keeps her warm!! she kissed him (on the cheeks), hugged him all the time infront of me and when three of us were together, i used to feel left out because Mr. snake used to behave indifferent to me infront of her..One day he came late to meet me and i asked him what he was doing and he said he was helping Ms. Skunk shave her legs and arms!! duh!!!

And what ****ed me off the most was that he lied to her all the time when he was with me..Things started getting worse and we started fighting every day..because of her..i started revolting and he said i was overreacting--he was doing nothing but taking care of his sister and i will have to accept the fact that his sister will always be very imp to him..

The last bolt came last month..I stumbled across a secret yahoo id that belonged to him..i thought i should guess his password and lo and behold i could open his inbox in the first try--the password was of course Ms. Skunk's name!! Let me tell u what i found out--this guy had been talking to girls from Craigslist using this id..he had a 'tagged' account which he used to attract girls and then chatted with them online..i even made a fake id and chatted wih him..he was doing this--having sex chats with girls over the internet-for a year--even when we were apparently head over heels in love with each other!! He even sent his pictures to those girls..and in one e-mail he sent, he had sent pictures of his to girls..how disgusting!! so i was dating a sex maniac who was in a messed up relationship with his cousin sister..

I broke up with him 2 weeks back..but it keeps coming back to me..specially because we are in the same class--me, snake and skunk..and i can see them being all happy..always being together like conjoined twins..and they look so un-affected...I have never seen her so happy before..obviously now she doesn't have to fight for her hero(snake)'s time anymore..and Mr. snake looks so relaxed and indifferent as if nothing ever happened between us..

I try to ignore them but sometimes my heart just bleeds..when i remember the things he said to me--that he loved me so much, that he wouldn't be able to live without me..that i was the most imp person in his life..

I took every from him..just because I wanted this relationship to work..he called me a ..a ..at one point, he even pushed me in the road and pinned to to a car..hitting me..

I NEVER did anything wrong to anybody..all my life i never (at least tried to) hurt anybody..i always tried to help people..i always helped poor..why did this happen to me?

[sourpuss]

Bad things happen to good people everyday. It's nothing you did in life to make this happen to you. Some people are just jerks. Try to distance yourself as much as you can from them and move on. They aren't worth wasting anymore energy on.

[WildChild]

This is painful and frustrating and it hurts but how lucky you found out now and not after you are married! There are a lot of good men in the world, give yourself and time to heal and I'm sure you will find one who is much better.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I took every from him..just because I wanted this relationship to work..he called me a ..a ..at one point, he even pushed me in the road and pinned to to a car..hitting me..

I NEVER did anything wrong to anybody..all my life i never (at least tried to) hurt anybody..i always tried to help people..i always helped poor..why did this happen to me?

These types of guys, play on women... Work towards getting them and keeping them, treats them special then like rubbish.. You took it, being pinned and pushed against a car, you "loved him"..

THat's control.. He did what he needed to reel you in, then hooked you, then even in front of you did things, and then to this other "cousin/sister", both of you, in front of you, keeping you there, keeping her there and no doubt the girls on line.

Why did it happen to you? My ex pushed me out a car once, i scrapped my knee, i stayed longer... but like you left.

Please don't see it as something you did wrong, you got caught up in "charisma" "knight in shining armour" someone to love you, only to find out it was false, fake..

You should be proud of yourself, that you walked, realised, recognised and now as a result, you won't fall for that again...

Life is about lessons, we learn what we will not put up with to find ... And, you will find..

Smile are realise you actually did good... You worked it all out... Imagine that poor girl when she finds out and walks in on another woman in his bed, she thinks he didn't like you but loves her, trust me.. She is in the same boat you was.. He has got her hooked too.

Had you stayed, the pinning to the car may have been a punch to your face, and you probably would have stayed as well, eventually had no esteme what so ever and stayed, and stayed, got pregnant, stayed and lived a horrid controlling unhappy life.

Be proud of yourself, pat yourself on the back because you were one of the lucky ones, who worked it out..

He is a piece of what did you call him Mr Snake? Thing about why you called him that name.

CW

[Guest]

it's not your fault and you did nothing wrong. well, except for breaking into his yahoo account, that wasn't the right thing to do.

there is obviously something wrong with him if he pinned you with a car and hit you.

move on, there are enough good people out there.

[mocha.peppermint]

Sorry

First of all , Thanks to all of you who have replied to this post and have given me hope and encouragement..I am already feeling better :-)

And about breaking into his yahoo account, I am sorry about that. But i had heard somewhere that you keep the name of the person you love most as your password. And I just entered her name to see if the account will open..and it did!! also, if i hadnt stumbled across this yahoo id, i would have never known the secret world he had over the internet so though i know breaking into his yahoo account was wrong, i still don't regret it..

[Joy]

YOu walked and keep on walking... don't bother looking back. HOld your head up high and keep going in life. This is just a blip in your life to show ya what you don't want in your life.

Don't hold everybody accountable for his actions but it certainly has opened your eyes to what crazies are out there.

[jaybeth88]

I kind of went through what you did. My ex would have sex over the internet with other girls, and tell them how "i live with another woman, but i don't want anyone but you." The problem with him was that he only did it to boost their egos. these girls felt like no one loved him and he wanted to make them feel like someone wanted them, hence the internet sex. The only problem with that is that they think he really, really likes them, and then they flirt with him 24/7. My ex couldn't see it, he only saw his "helping" them to feel better.

He was helping them masturbate to a man that one of them even tried to steal him from me. I am not sorry this relationship is over, I don't care who the he11 he has internet sex with now.

[lovemyself1]

dont let anyone make you feel bad about looking in his email...these days you have to look out for yourself...no one else will.
i have learned that it takes time to get over things. its only been (a month now) but it will take time. you will recover.