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Foolish

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  • Foolish

    I've been single for over a year and a half. I've dated, some for several months......some for one date.......some for a few. Nothing feels right, and even those I WANT to really really like....I find myself settling and unsatisfied and I leave. So here goes...

    I met him in high school. He was in college home for the summer. We became friends and had secret crushes on each other but never took it to any sort of physical level. He went back to school, and that was that. About a month ago, nearly 9 years later, he found me on a business networking website and emailed me. Wow....blew my mind to talk to him after so long. It was as if we had never been apart. He told me he had been in a relationship for about a year. He ended up coming to my town one evening, and we decided to go out.....just as friends. We had an amazing time...a better time than I had had in a long time with anyone. There was instant comfort and SO much chemistry. It was incredible.

    He left and went back home....and told me that he and his gf were having problems because she wanted to get married and he's just not ready for that with her because of doubts...especially after finding me again. I tried SO hard to keep my feelings out of it, knowing he was with someone else.

    Their fights continued.....I stayed out of it other than to listen to him. He asked me last night if he could come see me this weekend, and hang out again. I told him sure and we talked about how much fun we'd have.

    Tonight, I get a text from him explaining that he won't be coming to visit, and that he and his gf are going to try and work through their differences. He said that I am beautiful and amazing and that he's probably making a terrible mistake, but that it's hard to let go of something he's been so much a part of for a year now.

    I instantly felt devastated. But why? I knew he was with someone...but for some reason I thought that JUST maybe this time it would be something worth holding on to.....something that I'd WANT to stick with rather than run from.

    I'm let down...and feel foolish for feeling let down. I'm not willing to settle again. I keep hanging on to this hope that I'll find my soulmate, but each time I actually let myself have feelings for someone and get let down, bit by bit I feel a little less hope. I feel like a fool for believing.
    "Be what you're looking for."


  • It's normal to feel the way you are feeling....

    I guess it was more "wishful thinking" with this guy because you thought that because there was some form a past, "could this be it?"....

    It is strange, but for some reason "people" male/female do this, what he has done, things are not good, and so they seek outside un-knowingly, but the "chapter is not closed" they can not move on and so, the guilt of even "being a friend, hanging out" makes them feel so bad that they give their relationship another go.

    The most weirdess thing is true. "Don't look and it will happen"..

    We tend to search, settle, say no, move on, search, settle, say no, move on...

    There are things you are not happy about in your life, if you were, you would enjoy every encounter, not settle and smile and just be you and happy.

    Lonliness and a sense of lost in yourself, will drive you to the wrong person, or to hope.

    For instance, this guy has only been with this lady 1 year and he's not happy, but yet he is giving it another go...

    They are wrongly matched i think or else he would be extremely happy with her and not have any doubts what so ever.... His Soul Mate...

    This is what people do.. I can almost bet that in another 6 -12, he will tell you that he has broken up.

    There are two sides to every story as well... You don't know if there is enough interests, you both can share, if you can communicate left right an centre about anything, your going off of, CHEMISTRY... really, and lonliness.

    Take a deep breath and say, well he's out there, time to do stuff I really love, and time to feel 100% happy in myself, he will come along.

    Stop searching and stop thinking each one so far is not him, where is he? Just be you and it will happen.,

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • I tend to agree that after a year of being with someone, you should know whether or not it's right or not, despite your differences. The fact that he had, and inevitably will still have these doubts is very telling of their relationship. He mentioned previously that it bothered him that after the first 6 months she seemed to lose her passion for their relationship. Her response to him was that this is reality, not tv and that it's just normal.

      However, for the past week or so they've been really fighting, and I'm sure that yesterday they had some sort of emotional meeting where they both were exhausted from the fighting and started being a little "nicer" and more agreeable. He told me last night "she has stuck with me this week when many would've been gone for good.....so it makes me think she really cares and that's hard to walk away from". For me, I know that you can "care" about anyone you've spent that much time with. You can fear having to start over, so you hang on and hang on to something even if it means settling.

      Though I'm young, I have learned in the past 2 years to enjoy my solitude. I look forward to it nearly all the time. However ,this was a reality check for me. I do get lonely, and because of that periodic loneliness I allowed myself to get my hopes up with this person, where I hadn't allowed my hopes to be up nearly 2 years. After only ONE encounter with this person in 9 years, I believed he could be the one I'd been waiting for.

      I deleted his number from my phone last night......sort of my way of "choosing" to take him out of my life. I'm not angry, but I felt as though he was testing her at my expense. At the same time, he was honest with me and I appreciate that. I do think that within a short period of time, he'll either succomb to her pressure and marry her, or they'll be fighting again. I won't be there for the next time.

      Thanks CW!
      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


      • It dawned on me this am that I am PMS'ing....which helps to explain my overreaction to the entire situation.
        "Be what you're looking for."

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
          It dawned on me this am that I am PMS'ing....which helps to explain my overreaction to the entire situation.
          LOL! from now on on I'm blaming PMS !!!


          hang in there babe

          xx
          Derek: Are you sure you're ready?
          Meredith: I'm leaning into the fear to get a happy ending.
          Derek: I don't even know what that means...

          ~Grey's Anatomy~

          Comment


          • Hey I'm not ashamed to admit it! haha!! The situation itself would've hurt my feelings despite any outside factors, but oh how I overreact when I'm PMS'ing. I cried, I mean I actually cried last night! At least I can laugh about it today.

            Thanks for the support.
            "Be what you're looking for."

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
              It dawned on me this am that I am PMS'ing....which helps to explain my overreaction to the entire situation.
              haha, sorry but i agree with our little friend with her laughter, that's funny, damd PM's.. grrrr... know it too well.

              Proud of your reply actually.... Cause your not falling for the, "can i cry on your shoulder whilst i work this out with her, but in the meantime, you be there for me every step of the way, oh don't fall for me though ok"...


              CW
              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

              Comment


              • Haha! Trust me, I did the "monthly visitor dance" this morning when I finally started. I hate being Miss Emotional/Irrational.

                And thank you CW for your support and almost instant response the other night. I read it on my phone while lying in bed (crying, ha!) and I felt a sense of relief from what you wrote. And, I have far too much to offer to be someone's side dish. I need and deserve to be an entree.
                "Be what you're looking for."

                Comment


                • Well, or a dessert " with the right man" haha.

                  XX

                  CW
                  PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                  Comment

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