Foolish
I've been single for over a year and a half. I've dated, some for several months......some for one date.......some for a few. Nothing feels right, and even those I WANT to really really like....I find myself settling and unsatisfied and I leave. So here goes...
I met him in high school. He was in college home for the summer. We became friends and had secret crushes on each other but never took it to any sort of physical level. He went back to school, and that was that. About a month ago, nearly 9 years later, he found me on a business networking website and emailed me. Wow....blew my mind to talk to him after so long. It was as if we had never been apart. He told me he had been in a relationship for about a year. He ended up coming to my town one evening, and we decided to go out.....just as friends. We had an amazing time...a better time than I had had in a long time with anyone. There was instant comfort and SO much chemistry. It was incredible.
He left and went back home....and told me that he and his gf were having problems because she wanted to get married and he's just not ready for that with her because of doubts...especially after finding me again. I tried SO hard to keep my feelings out of it, knowing he was with someone else.
Their fights continued.....I stayed out of it other than to listen to him. He asked me last night if he could come see me this weekend, and hang out again. I told him sure and we talked about how much fun we'd have.
Tonight, I get a text from him explaining that he won't be coming to visit, and that he and his gf are going to try and work through their differences. He said that I am beautiful and amazing and that he's probably making a terrible mistake, but that it's hard to let go of something he's been so much a part of for a year now.
I instantly felt devastated. But why? I knew he was with someone...but for some reason I thought that JUST maybe this time it would be something worth holding on to.....something that I'd WANT to stick with rather than run from.
I'm let down...and feel foolish for feeling let down. I'm not willing to settle again. I keep hanging on to this hope that I'll find my soulmate, but each time I actually let myself have feelings for someone and get let down, bit by bit I feel a little less hope. I feel like a fool for believing.
I met him in high school. He was in college home for the summer. We became friends and had secret crushes on each other but never took it to any sort of physical level. He went back to school, and that was that. About a month ago, nearly 9 years later, he found me on a business networking website and emailed me. Wow....blew my mind to talk to him after so long. It was as if we had never been apart. He told me he had been in a relationship for about a year. He ended up coming to my town one evening, and we decided to go out.....just as friends. We had an amazing time...a better time than I had had in a long time with anyone. There was instant comfort and SO much chemistry. It was incredible.
He left and went back home....and told me that he and his gf were having problems because she wanted to get married and he's just not ready for that with her because of doubts...especially after finding me again. I tried SO hard to keep my feelings out of it, knowing he was with someone else.
Their fights continued.....I stayed out of it other than to listen to him. He asked me last night if he could come see me this weekend, and hang out again. I told him sure and we talked about how much fun we'd have.
Tonight, I get a text from him explaining that he won't be coming to visit, and that he and his gf are going to try and work through their differences. He said that I am beautiful and amazing and that he's probably making a terrible mistake, but that it's hard to let go of something he's been so much a part of for a year now.
I instantly felt devastated. But why? I knew he was with someone...but for some reason I thought that JUST maybe this time it would be something worth holding on to.....something that I'd WANT to stick with rather than run from.
I'm let down...and feel foolish for feeling let down. I'm not willing to settle again. I keep hanging on to this hope that I'll find my soulmate, but each time I actually let myself have feelings for someone and get let down, bit by bit I feel a little less hope. I feel like a fool for believing.
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