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Help me? i just need someone to talk to...

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  • Help me? i just need someone to talk to...

    i just got dumped...after almost a year of dating....really close, intimate dating..and then he says that he cant handle one week away from me and that im not committed to him..cause i cant give him the time he needs...i go to school monday through friday and see him every weekend...i dont have a car and i still live with my parents..ill be moving out the beginning of next year..but aside from working on weekends im with him, we stay at his place, watch movies, eat, and stuff...and have a great time, but every time that i would be home, he acted as though i never gave him the time of day, though sometimes i would neglect my studies for him..he doesnt know this though...and...ive been through terrible relationships before where the fighting was constant...and it wasnt that way with this guy...i gave this guy all i had left in me...all the fight...and i just dont think i can do it anymore..should i just give up on love and the idea of it and just live my life alone? i gave him my heart...and i dont want it back...its too shattered now anyways...can someone please...just talk to me...i have no one else to talk to...as our relationship wasnt known to any of my friends...and i dont want to lose friends because i didnt tell them i found someone without talking to them...im so hurt and confused...and lost...so lost...

  • Hi sweet...

    Why didn't your friends know about this guy?

    You know you gave it all but if the other person isn't prepared to give it back good ridence... someone else will love you...

    No, you don't give up on love, you realise what part of this relationship you didn't like and make sure the next person doesn't have that side in them.

    I think he's weak, to not understand long distance relationships and to be there for you as well.. Sounds like it all had to be his way, yes?



    • Hi aching, trust that you are being heard here, so just vent as much you need to. Your sure to be going through a lot of emotions right now as this is so fresh, talking about how you feel will not only help ease some of the hurt, but it will be something that you can re-read and gain perspective into your thoughts as they change back and forth, from being hurt, to mad and so on. Use this post as your journal, only this journal will talk back to you and offer as much support as words can offer.

      It sounds like you were giving him as much of yourself as you possibly can, and that is more than anyone can ask for really. For some, love can be more of an obsession rather than the pure emotion of adoration and respect it should be. He sounds a little bit emotionally immature and insecure, both of those can really damage a relationship. Its understandable to want to spend as much time as possible with the one you love, but asking them, even indirectly, to give up everything else, goals.. dreams, education , family other friends, to fill their insecure needs of having your every breath on their neck.. is not love - its control and it isn't healthy at all.
      Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.


      • it never hurt this bad before...and i just cant seem to understand guys...they all want everything they can get out of you and want to give nothing in return it seems..

        my friends didnt know because when they did know they didnt support me very much and i didnt like it so i decided to tell them we ended it long ago...

        i recently got ill as well and he was actually trying to use that against me as not spending time with him when i wasnt at school because i stayed home a couple of days to get better...and im still not better...im extremely anemic right now and having my heart shattered right now is definitely not what i need...but the big deal about this weekend was that i was going to a competition for my rotc and it was going to take my saturday morning...and i work friday after school and then saturday night...and then my dad was going to be in town so i was going to go lunch with him sunday evening...hes been out of town for almost a month..

        i just dont know what to do anymore...im definitely staying away from guys for a long long long time...i dont want anything to do with them...all they have done for me is use and abuse my kindness...when im in a relationship i give it my all especially when i feel it is worth it...and i thought he was the real deal...and i fought with all i could..i know im young, but i am not stupid..but apparently im careless with my heart...its going to be a long time before i get over this one...

        i feel like i cant breathe...and i have school in 6 hours...but there is no way that i could sleep tonight...not after all of this...and the worse part...he couldnt tell me to my stinkin face, he messaged me...

        things like this are what make me feel as though it must be me doing something wrong in the relationship...


        • he couldnt tell me to my stinkin face, he messaged me...
          And, all because you had to work, had a competition and had to see your Dad, what does that say?

          It says that "he" is selfish, "he" accepted all you did, and then wanted more.

          You have done nothing wrong repeat after me, " I have done nothing wrong", he is as HD said after me, immature that's all, non-understanding, probably spoilt wrotten as a child and wants his own way all the time.

          You live for you, and then you allow someone into "your" life, you don't live for "their life" ok..

          It's fantastic you had a competition, that you go to school and have a job, that your Dad is important for you to see... Any man that can't see where you are heading in life and who you are, you just smile to yourself and say, "bzzz", sorry, not for me.

          Stand tall and know that you deserve better, way better. And, he has done you a favor.. Because he has.

          As for your friends, true friends know that we all make mistakes in relationships geepers it doesn't matter how old you are hun, so in future, you tell them if they can't accept what happens, then bad luck.

          You are you, never be anyone else, don't change because he is coming along and he will love all that you stand for.



          • why do people have to make relationships into things so complicated? the way i feel, is that in a real relationship with true love and trust..there should be complete open mindedness..she should trust him in whatever he does and know that he only wants her even if he is with an attractive woman, and he should love and trust her as well in whatever she does, even if it includes that she has to be around guys in her career...

            that was another big problem...and for some reason has been a problem in my past relationships...trust...the guys never trust me with other guys...ive always been a tom boy...but according to many guys...im attractive...very according to them...but the guys ive been with seem to believe that just because im good looking i let it go to my head and flirt with all guys that come my way...and i dont...im actually very modest...and im not open hearted to all guys cause i know what they are looking at and want...and thats not what i want...i only ever wanted one partner in my life...and when i gave him the one thing i still had for myself, he ruined it after 2 years...so the next guy that came around that i thought was sincere...i had been friends with for 3 years before he told me that he was attracted to me as more than a friend...and i felt really close to him...so i thought it would be safe to have sex with him, and when i did, a few days later he turned into the dog that my dumb self had always known him to be with girls and left me for another lay...then along comes this wonderful guy...the guy that just dumped me...and i did every check i possibly could into making sure that if we did anything i wasnt going to get hurt...and i thought he was the real deal...ive never felt that strongly for anyone...and now, here i am...hurt again...and feeling like a dirty sl**t...ive only ever had 3 partners...and now...i dont know what to do...i feel like i have nothing left to offer...this so called "mr right" that i already thought i had found...

            im graduating this year..in may...im almost done...and im going to go out with a bang...im not going to let him bring me down too far...my heart is broken but my facade will be cheerful me...the girl thats never really down...though on the inside...im so broken crazy glue couldnt even get the pieces back together...maybe...just maybe...my insides will start to mend...till then...i dont know...i just wish i had someone that i could talk to at home...cause hugs could work wonders right now...

            for all the young ladies out there...don't trust that he loves you until he proves it...and remember...even though your hearts could be shattered or may already be...eventually it will mend...and the real pieces of your heart, your family and closest friends, will grow and replace the pieces that man took with him...

            im really glad i found this forum...i really needed girl talk...i dont have that many girl friends that would understand anyways...


            • As strange as this sounds I can relate to all you just stated.

              I grew up with trying to understand that my "girlfriend", were competing with me, in fact tried to take over my boyfriends, always long relationships but always they flirted and tried..

              I also was very ambitious "still am" and no man could / would go out with me, fear of looks and smarts.

              So, I get where your coming from.

              Watch your girlfriends, my Mother always told me you can count them on your hand and you can... As you get older, you will establish those that are true and really there and always have been regardless.

              As for men? "Your are chosing in-secure guys", not deliberately but that is what it seems to me, they fear that they will lose you... You have other priorities and so therefore, they are not as important. In-secure. One day you will leave them, in-secure... And I also think this guy is a tad "immature" as well but it is fear.

              Now that you have explained more, it's evident....

              But, you want a strong man whom knows that you love him... Therefore has no fear, that's the bottom line...If you want this guy back then say stop being a baby, stop being insecure, if you can't work out that I love you bad luck, I'm happy to be on my own and find someone else, and texting is immature...

              If, you don't then realise to try to avoid in-secure guys and then you will be set and right on your way.

              As, I said, stand tall.

              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


              • I'm sorry... it sucks. Your situation sucks, and the feeling that you've been left with sucks.

                I agree with CW that it sounds like you have a distinct pattern of guys that you choose to date and are attracted to. You sound very frustrated though at this point and ready to throw in the towel completely. But it doesn't have to be that way... maybe you should take a step back and really analyze what all these guys have in common - so that you know to avoid it in the future! Also think about why exactly you were attracted to them. Was it physical? Or was it something about their personality? And were they all similar in that regard?

                I'd strongly encourage you to take advantage of the counseling center at your university - they deal with relationship issues all the time, and talking through everything will definitely help you feel better, and they can help you understand your dating pattern, why you attract these guys, and how to break out of it.

                And as others have said, feel free to vent. I also don't really have any close female friends, and although my bf and I are very close, he doesn't always get it. He's full of awesome advice but usually doesn't let me work through my emotions or just talk about it without necessarily needing to resolve anything. Women have a different process than guys, so it's a bit lonely when you don't have any close female friend to share that with you.



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