[MandyBee23]

My boyfriend goes to the strip club not all the time but often enough; last time he went was about 2 weeks ago just before I moved back in. And it seems like recently he has been going to the same one (prob one of the nastiest ones around which for some reason bothers me more I guess cause it's not the usual spot) Now he knows I'm not real happy about him going to the club but I deal with it and I have told him that as long as he isn't getting lap dances I don't care. One time he went and he was telling me how he was telling all the girls to go away when they would come over to him. He sits at the bar and has a few drinks, or that’s what he tells me. I have seen receipts where he has taken out at least a $100 every time he goes; now I know most of that money is still in his pocket when he gets home, but why would he need to take out that much if he isn't spending it on lap dances? I know drinks can get expensive there but he has been complaining about money lately. I wanted to ask him to pay for my hair appointment because I don’t have enough money and its like if he were to say no I don't want to blow up on him and say "well if you didn’t spend all kinds of money on strippers" I just don't want to start accusing. Also last night on our way out to the movies he put on his red jacket and I noticed a stain right away on the bottom right, (looked like it was from a girl if you know what I mean) and I know it wasn't from me. So I said "what is that?" and all he said was "I don’t know" So I immediately thought (he is getting lap dances or some girls rubbing on top of him) but I didn’t say anything. I smelt it (kind of gross I know) and it has a musty and perfume smell mix. I don’t know if I should be worried about this whole thing or let it go.
And those of you that have read my other post about going through his phone and finding a message he sent to a "stripper" saying "hey call me if you want to hang out sometime" which according to him is a stripper for a bachelor partly. But now with all this other stuff I can't help to think something’s going on. He tells me he isn't cheating and I really want to believe him, am I over analyzing? Over reacting? Like I said I haven't really said anything to him.

[rcoreyus]

I'm a guy and I have to say that to me it sounds like something is up. He may not be "cheating" in the sense of having intercourse with other women, but he may be doing more than watching strippers. I have no objection to porn or watching strippers - but only if money isn't an issue. If he is spending significant amounts of money that could be a problem.

Maybe next time he wants to go to a strip club, offer to give him a private show yourself. If he turns you down, maybe there is something to worry about.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'll tell you right now, some guys get the biggest kick imaginable going into strip clubs and rejecting the dancers. It is the only time in the day for most men, in their life for others, that they have beautiful half/full naked women fawning over them.. begging to sit on their lap. To for once be able to go "nah", makes some men feel HUGE.

Pulling out cash and not spending it sounds like he likes to flash the cash, likely so that when he pays for a drink all the dancers see his wad of bills and make him a target of interest .. that the then rejects.

At least that is what it sounds like. A guy having a boys night , rare.. hitting a strip club is nothing I would get loudly upset about - I'd probably fume a little on the inside and get over it. But a weekly , often thing.. oh thats just not something I could see being at all comfortable with. He is looking for something there, attention, an ego boost, feeling like a man... something.. not sure what - but hopefully he figures it out sooner or later and realizes he can get all those feelings and more from you.. and nothing but an empty bed and lubricated palm at the end of the day without you.

[Ashlee T.]

Your intuition......what does it say? Ignore what you WANT.....and discover what you truly feel is happening. You're given this intuition for a reason...... As for me, I'd say that 99.9% of the time my intuition/gut was right.

[MandyBee23]

Hopeless Dork,

What you have said makes a lot of sense. My boyfriend is the type that thinks every women wants him. So I can really see him going to the strip club just to turn down women, especially when he tells me about it later and laughs. I think he does it for "show" too, like last night we were out with all his guy friends and I swear every other word out his mouth was strip club. It's like he gets a kick out of it when he is around his friends and I get upset.

My intuition says to me that nothings wrong, and usually that is what it says when I'm in these types of situations with him. But I just have the over powering feeling that says ( He's a , lying, cheating bf ). I don't know if its just me looking for it or what. But every time I have thought something was going on I have been wrong (or at least so I think). I really have no proof to accuse him. I don't know maybe next time he goes I'll ask him if he is getting lap dances (which I'm sure he will say no) and then I'll just tell him "because if you were I would not be happy..." ?
I just get ragging mad inside with the thought of him doing that, what do you all think? Is it borderline cheating?

[sourpuss]

I think the fact that you are both tight on money and he's spending it at the strip club should be your first concern. Second, he knows it bugs you, you've said how you feel and there's not compromise or effort on his part to stop doing something that really bothers you. Third, he goes out of his way in front of others to rub it in your face simply to make you mad and hurt your feelings. So cheating or not, you have other issues in this relationship.

[caterpillar79]

You've got to have a serious talk about this issue. Don't go on with this burden in your heart - you'll burn out. He might not be cheating, but SP has a point, there is a problem in your relationship. He already knows it bothers you, if he cares enough, there should be compromise. This is not only about him, but BOTH of YOU. Don't be blinded by your strong feelings for him. Love yourself more.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think lap dances are cheating... just because the chick hopping up and down on their lap grinding on their package, pressing their breasts against their face, and their crotch and everything else is a "PROFESSIONAL" and getting paid, that doesn't make it all right.

If a guy did all those things with just some random girl outside of a strip club, it would be cheating no question, so why some would think because he slipped her a 20 its all of a sudden within bounds of fidelity.

Sitting at a distance and watching the ladies dance, no different than internet porn really or anything else I guess, so if your okay with one I guess the other is not real different as far as cheating goes.

[Honda Dude]

Maybe Over Reacting

You could be over reacting. As a guy, having been to strip clubs, the object is to take all the guys money. As a patron in my single life me or any of my friends have never been propositoned for sex, now you think about that, most club owners do not want trouble from the law and in many areas are already a target, and the do not want any prostitution charges against them. Should a stripper decide to meet someone off site then that creates safety issues for her as well as the guy (guys dont think of that). Lap dance are really not a big deal, they give you 5 minutes or whatever, take your money for the service and beg you to continue. There is always a bouncer in the room with you two so nothing can really happen, you are not allowed to touch her in most clubs, if you do they throw you out. To me, its a waste of money, get all hard and then send you on your way. Now the money issue, yes I agree that basic needs are not getting met, and the money is going to the local strip club then something needs to be done. I am assuming that you live together ? Kids ?

[Hopeless Dork]

Wow so someone rubbing on your crotch and getting you hard you don't consider cheating? If your gf/wife had her panties massaged to wetness by a stranger, would it not be cheating as your S.O paid for the experience and didnt orgasm?