[sexybabe]

Thank you, AloneNtheCrowd and Prawnprincess!

He says that he's concerned about how he seems to be losing his mojo because of the issues he's dealing with himself. It seems that my acceptance of his condition doesn't even count. Prawnprincess, I agree with you - I don't want sex to be painful for him. I don't want him to just to do it to please me. I don't want to make love to a 'robot'. I want him to desire me again. I want him to enjoy making love to me as much as I enjoy it. And yes, I told him that I wouldn't mind getting infected when we're married because I know that we'll be together no matter what happens.

I'm praying that they find a cure to this soon. If you guys find out anything, please let me know. I will continue to check this thread for updates. Thank you so much!

[danceintx]

L-Lysine is one natural substance I have read that will prevent break outs.

[sexybabe]

We just had a long painful discussion about this last night. He doesn't seem to be optimistic that he can get through this. Then he sent me a message this morning:

"What I'm putting you through is not normal and difficult for anyone. Everyone needs both emotional and physical intimacy. It's hard on anyone that would feel rejected like how you get to feel everytime you get close to me. It's really about me not knowing how or what to do to change. In the meantime, I know you are looking for it [the intimacy] and that you need it. It is very important to any relationship. That's why it's unfair that im not able to give the emotional and physical intimacy. Being in a relationship also doesnt mean you should suffer. I feel that I'm not the best man for you, that you deserve more. I don't think you understand how I feel. My body changed a lot, my sickness changed a lot. As much as my problem is psychological, it's also physical. The more I am pushed to ask why I can't straighten or fix things, the more inadequate I feel. I really don't know what to do. But I do know you deserve better. Marriage is for a lifetime. If you pin your hopes that it will be ok because it's just a "phase", then you may be risking too much. If I don't change, what's you life going to be like? Think about it. Im not giving up. Im facing the truth. And the truth is, I dont know if this will change."

I seriously don't know how to respond. It seems that he already wants to break up with me..............

[prawnprincess]

Oh, man. I know you said that you've been having some issues and herpes is one of them. I'm not sure what the other issues are, but is sounds like you're ready to put everything into working things out, but maybe he's not ready to do that. Men can sure be mysterious sometimes. It's tough that you two started dating when he was going through the stresses of moving up in his job, and you also had to deal with this!

I can sympathize with your man's situation, but I also have to say that there are some guys who are always struggling against everything no matter what. When it comes to those guys, no matter how much you put into helping them, the problems never seem to unravel! My last boyfriend was like that, and in the end it just wasn't good for me to be with him. I really cared for him but I couldn't live like that. So I don't know if your man is that type, or if he's just going through a long-term slump. Either way, it seems like he might need some time to pull himself together and figure out what he wants? For example, figure out that he wants to find a more effective way to manage his herpes symptoms and actually take the initiative to talk things out with his doctor to try to improve that situation. That's something you can't do for him, unfortunately!

My response is just based on what I read and my experience, so maybe things are totally different, but it sounds like a tough situation for you. My thoughts and prayers will be with you- I hope things work out in a way that will be good for both of you!

[prawnprincess]

How are things going?

[sexybabe]

thank you, prawnprincess! i really feel your genuine concern for me. for the first time in the past year, i dont feel so alone. at least i can talk about my problem to people who understand. i just cant discuss this with my friends... i am so scared of them judging me.. or worse, him.

he said that he's scared that i will eventually leave him if he doesnt change. he kept asking, "if i dont change, because at this point i really dont know what to do to make things better, are you sure you're ready for that and you wont leave me? im talking to you this way because i want to be fair with you, and im not pushing you away. this is as much about your future as it is about mine. please think about it." so i said i will. i feel that i have gone this far to just quit now. i really feel that i can stick it out with him, in all the good and bad times. i want to be with him. i still want to be his wife. if i do get sick eventually, i am prepared for it. it's the risk i asked myself several times in the past if i was ready to take. and up to this day, i am still ready for the worse.

we are not discussing this lately. so far, we're ok. i still miss the old romantic him, but he's been constantly there for me whenever i needed him. i miss how he used to make me feel but when i think about everything else that he's doing for me now like how he supports me with all my problems, sometimes i feel that i will eventually get used to his being less romantic. maybe i wil learn to live with it. its not like his romantic side has totally disappeared. just that im looking for the "old" him, so to speak.

youre right. no matter what i say, and no matter how hard i try to help him with his problem, nothing seems to unravel. i know that this is something he needs to go through by himself, and i just need to be around to support and love him as he goes through this difficult phase. i really dont want to lose him. i used to hear married couples say that the moment you see that person, you know right away if he/she is the one for you. i know that this man is the one for me. i dont want to let go... yet im not sure if we both have the strength to get through this without losing each other.

i know this sounds crazy, but ive never loved anyone this much in my whole life... so much so that no matter what happens to him [or to me], i will still love him with all my heart...

[prawnprincess]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaa. I thought you already told him repeatedly that you'd stick with him through this. If he's saying "I don't really know what to do to make things better," it sounds like he's not doing much to make things better. Don't stay with him just because you've already invested so much into the relationship. The risk of getting herpes, actually, seems insignificant to me when compared to the risk of resigning yourself to an unromantic relationship and wishing things were as great as the used to be with the "old" him. It doesn't sound like the "old" him will come back!? It seems like your man is letting the herpes issue, which is common to so many people, almost hijack your relationship.? It's great that he's doing things for you and supporting you with your problems. I can tell that you are an amazing caring and energetic woman- don't forget that you deserve so much more than just that! I know how it is to love and get crazy over a guy and want to get married, and those feelings kind of take over- but don't let these feelings allow you to settle for things that you don't need to settle for. I'm not married, but I know that a lot of people seem pretty decided that a good sex life is crucial in a marriage. I'm just trying to look out for you- maybe your relationship is great, but please listen to your intuition and make sure you aren't just settling, because it seems like it'd really suck if he never gets over this "phase."

[sexybabe]

you're making sense. and you have a point. i am so confused and i really dont know what to do. i am just so scared of losing him... :'(

[AloneNtheCrowd]

I'm glad you two are still hanging in there! I think he has a lot of conflicting feelings, something like "If I really love her should I let her put herself throught this for/with me?" I can't say for sure, but if you know he's the one for you I think you should try to ride this out. Like someone said before, this is something he has to work through internally. I could be wrong but I think the romantic him will resurface once he really comes to grips with the situation and that you really won't leave him and it's not an issue. If that's the real him from before then that's still him, just clouded by all of this... Stay strong!

[sexybabe]

I'm glad you two are still hanging in there! I think he has a lot of conflicting feelings, something like "If I really love her should I let her put herself throught this for/with me?" I can't say for sure, but if you know he's the one for you I think you should try to ride this out. Like someone said before, this is something he has to work through internally. I could be wrong but I think the romantic him will resurface once he really comes to grips with the situation and that you really won't leave him and it's not an issue. If that's the real him from before then that's still him, just clouded by all of this... Stay strong!

Yes, he often tell me that he doesn't want to put me through all that. And once I asked what's the first thing that comes to mind when he thinks about his condition. And he said, "I don't want you to have this".

I guess I just miss the real him, the one I fell inlove with. And maybe you're right... the old him will eventually resurface once he is able to ride this storm out. I'm still holding on. Thank you for the encouraging words! They always give me a renewed sense of hope.