[please]

Hi guys. I appolgize ahead of time for the length of this post and the fact that I'm rambling on about this. It's one in the morning and I can't sleep.
If you don't want to read my previous thread, I'll sum it up: My boyfriend of six months broke up with me about two months ago due to the fact that he went away to college. We had no problems what-so-ever besides that he felt "distant" and instead of trying to work things out he just ended it. He knew I was still 100% invested in the relationship at the time, but he just wasn't anymore. He is the kind of person who likes to experience new things and go with the flow. I'm sure he just didn't want to have a girlfriend at home holding him back. Although I was very upset for quite some time, I let it go.

When we broke up he said he wanted to still be friends, and that we'd contact each other when we were ready. It's been two months and I've tried contacting him twice, when I was ready, and he's ignored both of my attempts (once a text, once a private facebook message). He was supposed to come home a while ago for the weekend, but decided not to (very obviously because of me- he decided not to come home a few hours after I had sent him a message. And his facebook status was that he had "cleared his head" and decided not to come home).
I don't want to be pushy so I haven't said anything since. The ball is in his court. But I really just want some closure. I want to be friends again, or atleast be acquaintances. Besides being a couple, we were best friends. I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that there is not a SINGLE thing that he does not know about me. Big or small. He knows every insecurity, fear, secret, family issue....I could go on and on.
Anyway, he is coming home in one week, for sure. And my group main of friends is his main group of friends. Or I should say "was" his group of friends. Because he has cut off all contact with basically everyone. (Prior to us breaking up, I was the only one from home he talked to). I would really like to see him. I'd like to know how he's doing. I CARE about him. I don't even want him back as a boyfriend anymore but I do want him back as a friend. My best friend tried texting him the other day and he (surprisingly) responded to her and after a few texts back and forth even asked how I was. She told him I was doing well, working hard on my college applications, and excited for the new show I am in. And then he all of a sudden stopped responding. Then 45 minutes later she texted him again about something else and he responded, completely ignoring the other text. It's as if he wants me to not be ok or something. I don't get it. He could have atleast pretended to care. It's a TEXT. She wouldn't have known the difference.
And to make matters WORSE, I have a friend who is a year older than him at the same college, in the same major. She became friends with him through me this past summer because I thought it would be good for him to know somebody in his department so he could ask her for advice, etc. They have become really good friends, which wouldn't bother me if it weren't for the fact that now she has been acting really weird towards me. I feel like she doesn't like me anymore. I won't know for sure until I see her in person when she comes home, but I can just tell that shes going to be awkward.
And this whole thing is making me really upset. I don't know what he is thinking. I don't know what she is thinking. Maybe they are even hooking up! Although its unlikely, who knows?
I know there could be a million reasons for why hes not talking to me. And I know that going back to being best friends is very very unlikely. But a simple "hi, how are you?" shouldn't be that much to ask for. I should be the one upset- he broke up with ME! He cannot avoid contact with me forever unless he wants to spend his holidays and summers without his friends... This whole thing is just dumb.
I know it'll work out. It's just very upsetting that he doesn't seem to care enough about me to even check up on me. He's acting so out of character right now. I know he must still care about me. He must. But he’s seems to be so wrapped up in college he’s completely oblivious to how immature he’s acting. There have been things I've really needed to tell him and haven't been able to. That's what kills me most of all. I miss talking to him.
And he should appreciate how cool I’ve been about this whole thing. Because his ex-girlfriend before me was not psychologically stable. She scarred him emotionally, blew up in his face the second they broke up, and stalked him for years claiming she was still in love with him. Oh and she friended him on facebook the DAY we broke up. Yeah. He should be happy I’m not like her and that I’m emotionally ok and that he doesn’t have to worry about me doing anything extreme like starving myself or cutting my wrists over him. But is a “how are you” so much to ask? It's been two months. He should be over whatever guilt he is feeling by now.
I don't know whats going to happen when he comes home next week, but what I DO know is I tried my best to contact him and there is nothing more I can/should do... Please tell me if this rambling made any sense. I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable or if I'm just in my own little fantasy world where things all work out.

[WildChild]

The best thing you could do is let go of all of it. No expectations. As you said the ball is in his court - he may just leave it laying there.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

In the real world. It would be nice if people could just be friends, once their relationship has ended but it is not always the case.

Because his ex-girlfriend before me was not psychologically stable. She scarred him emotionally, blew up in his face the second they broke up, and stalked him for years claiming she was still in love with him. Oh and she friended him on facebook the DAY we broke up

There's your answer madam.

It's over and he's chosen to leave his past in his past from now on...

You don't have to be like her. If someone is scarred, nothing you do will change their thought patterns...

They have to see it themselves and that could take several more relationships first.

It's over, you were what you were, if you were friends before, you broke that boundry by becoming girlfriend and boyfriend and sometimes, friendships just don't go back to where they were, naturally.

Secondly? You are stalking him yourself.. Whether in a small way unlike his ex, or not.

You set up your friend to text him.

You set up this lady to befriend him.

All, for the gain to find out how he is and gain feedback...

Can you see this?

CW

[please]

Sorry let me clear that up CW. I had him become friends with my friend at his school over the summer, well before we broke up. Not a means of stalking but to give him someone he knows before he went to school. Now it just turned around to slightly bite me in the butt.
And I didn't tell my other friend to text him. She did it completely on her own and told me the next day. Now that I think of it, he may have thought what you did- that I told her to text him. But that wasn't the case at all...I was totally unaware at the time.

[WildChild]

Still say leave it alone. Chances are you will run into each other in the course of things and then it will all be very natural although maybe a little awkward.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thanks for that.

But, I still think as well, that he obviously has had a bad experience and is favouring "ignoring". The fact that he asked about you, was at least acknowledgement that you were in his life. But, as I said, the sad factor is very few can be friends after, even if they were friends before.

I imagine this "friend" you introduced has become a "good friend" herself as you had once done. And, therefore, loyalty is why she is now distant as you aren't together anymore.

And, I do unfortunately need to say to you, you have to let go now.. If a friendship was to develop and that be all it is, it's not going to happen 2 months after a relationship, it will happen a year or two when both have moved on.

He could have thought that your friend was "asked" to text on-going to him for sure and the million reasons why he wouldn't go back to you or be friends, etc, only you know sweet. Hello, is admitting that you accept a friendship again... It's obviously not something he's either ready or wants to do.

On the other hand, we here make excellent Cyber friends, especially in the Lounge

Keep smiling.

CW

[kms]

Some people just can't be friends after being in a romantic relationship. It's just too hard and too confusing. Sometimes people need years to see that person in a different way - others can never see them differently. It can be very difficult going from A to Z and then suddenly going back up to A again... when you are intimately aware of everything else. It almost makes the friendship seem fake and pretended.

What you need to realize is that it's over. Focus on your school, on your friends, on your future. You have more important things to do than wasting time on someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings. There are a lot of guys in this world who will make you much happier, so you should work on improving yourself, doing things that you like to do, and you'll meet someone else sooner than you think. Love at a young age can seem so traumatic and life-altering... it seems like life can never go on... but it does. You'll look back in even a year from now and laugh at yourself. I shudder to think about how much time I wasted pining over someone when I was a teenager. I could have been doing much more productive things with myself instead.

[Awoman2]

Let it go. Plain and simple, or you'll end up being like his ex before you. He obviously doesn't want any contact with you right now, which may just be a phase he's going through, so leave him alone. The truth is there are always two sides to a story and different people will look at the same story and see different things. You make it sound very simple but maybe to him it's not as straightforward as you make it sound.

So, let it go. Maybe in time you'll both get to a place where you are comfortable with each other and can maintain some level of friendship. Right now, you're coming off as being a bit pushy and maybe that's what he's running from. And by the way, what is closure? You think he's going to give you closure? IMO, closure is when you accept the situation for what it is and decide to move on with your own life no matter what's going on with him.

As for that friend you introduced him to, he may very well be involved with her which would explain her behaviour. That would probably make the situation even worse. Let it go.

[please]

I know what you are all saying is right. It's just hard to stop myself from thinking about it. I without a doubt am going to HAVE to see her (the friend) when they come home. Because we always hang out (me, my best friend, and her) when shes home, and if I didn't go that would send across a bad message...and I don't want her to think there needs to beanything awkward between us.
And all of my friends are going to want to see him, considering most of them haven't spoken to him in three months. I have to wonder if he's just going to ignore all of their requests with the thought that I may be there...but I'll have to just wait and see what happens I guess.

[jaygirlweek96]

i think you should just let go. you would find someone better