[sourpuss]

In most states, yes. Doesn't matter now anyway, they are both in their 20s.

[GentlemanGhost]

In most states, yes. Doesn't matter now anyway, they are both in their 20s.

I know.........I was just shocked when I read that!!!!!


Not saying its wrong...just shocked

[Guest]

WOAH! Is that legal? Dating a 16 year old at 20....

i dont think the "dating" is the issue.

[rcoreyus]

Whoops - 16:20. I'd check on local laws before telling anyone. I don't know what the statute of limitations is, but be careful you don't get someone put away on felony sex with a minor charges. At least in parts of the US the government is completely unreasonable about this.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Personally on the financial issue? As, I've been there, only married

I would create a budget with all the expenses involved in it, put that down on paper and go 50/50...

I would then sit down with him and say, "I want to start saving now, I have the house and we can in the future look at another investment property, we have the capability, so I've put together a budget and I was thinking tomorrow we should go and open a joint bank account, your share per week, is $....... as is mine, so if we put our wages into the joint bank account and leave that weekly amount, I can transfer your balance into your own account and my balance into my personal account...."

With regards to the chores, I would say to him, "sweet, cleaning sucks huh, in the oldern days it was always the woman's job, let's face it, she stayed home all the time, but we are actually both working and I'm not coping. I don't want a roster that's silly, we're Adults, but how about we take turns in cooking? And, it will be fun to see what you come up with, plus, give me a break huh"...

Then if that patern works, slowly bring something else into it.

What ever pattern you commence, will remain and as Sourpuss stated, will eat at you and cause resentment.

I like using reverse physcology sometimes, it works better I think than trying to "ask" for what you need, and get no-where...

CW

[KMonte85]

LOL seems the age thing got everyone up in arms - so let me explain that first.....

In highschool i couldn't stand the guys my own age - they were too busy making booger jokes to keep my interest... I always dated the older boys 18+ and was never serious about them, I was smart enough to not fall for their game. I didn't sleep with them and when they pushed me for it, I left them and moved on to the next.. I didn't want to be that serious.

Then I met Matt, actually met him through my brother as they worked together. Sure, I was 16 and he was 20, but he didn't try to take any sort of advantage of me.. if anything, I controlled the relationship and its progress. Yes, definitely iffy legally in WI - 17 is the age of consent - that was a big risk he took. My parents are 13 years apart and met when mom was young so they didn't really worry about me, besides - they knew I could handle myself... Mom and Dad raised me right. I planned to date him and forget him like I did with all the other boyfriends in highschool.. people were taking bets if he would last a month. But he was so sweet and caring and funny and we clicked so well... we fell in love and never broke up! Well, 8 years later we are still together, we've grown up together, we love each other more every day.

_________________________________________


Now, the issue at hand...

I DID talk to him last night. Didn't yell, didn't accuse, actually talked over dinner. It was a nice conversation, and he apologized profusely for the nonpayment... he said he was too embarrassed to tell me that he was falling behind on his ATV payment since his usual 70 hrs at work got cut to 50 or less. I'm still kind of worried about that, cuz if I do decide to marry this guy in the future, I don't need him hiding stuff like this from me!

But he got his yearly check over the weekend from the fire dept (he is also the fire chief for a small village near our home) which he signed over to me to pay for the past months and this month. I let him know that if he is short that month he has to keep me in the know! I'm not some evil landlord demanding $ by the first or get out, but as far as I'm concerned my bills are his bills since we are living together and he needs to consider them to be just as important as the others...

He also agreed to let me help him sort out his finances so we can divvy out the bills better (which helps with my fear of him hiding stuff too)... he's never been super good at that, and well, I'm finance was one of my majors at my university so it stands to reason I can help him.

Also brought up the cleaning thing... he said again that he's so sick of it from doing it at work, but I explained that excuse won't fly. I told him he doesn't have to do EVERYTHING, just help out - like put the dishes away, put his laundry in the actual HAMPER.. normal stuff. I know we have different ideas on what "clean" is so we agreed to split the chores between what he doesn't mind doing and what I don't mind doing.. so that way the chores he loathes, that maybe don't bother me so much, get done by me.. and the stuff I loath doing (like taking the trash out and picking up his dog's poo in the yard) he will do as it doesn't bug him so much. It's not really 50/50.. but more equal definitely!

Now, we just have to see if this will actually STICK! He (and I'm guily of this too) is really good at making the change for a while... and then starting to slip back into old habits. So I guess it will be on me to make sure that does NOT happen!!!!!

[pretzel]

Sounds like a very productive evening.

Good for both of you.

[LanaBear]

I'm glad it worked out so well, it's all about, let's say it together folks... COMPROMISE.

[KMonte85]

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO relieved... This was a make-or-break kind of conversation for me. If it would not have gone so well, it was very possible that our relationship would have ended last night. Or at least taking a big hit when I told him he had to get out.

But luckily it seems it was more about him feeling embarrassed/insecure now that he's having trouble with his debts, than it was about him taking advantage.

The cleaning thing was definitely him trying to take advantage, but hopefully I nipped that one in the bud well enough for things to change. Even if a "friendly reminder" is needed every now and again

[sourpuss]

That's awesome! I'm glad it went so well.
Have you considered writing out a chore list? Like on a dry erase board or something and you can both check off what you've done and see what needs to be done. That way you can't get away with only doing it for a week or two and then slacking off.