[sourpuss]

Tattoos and their meanings for people are private matters. What, where, when and why you got a tattoo shouldn't matter to anyone but you. If she has a problem with a girl who will never be in your life again (unfortunately) then she's not the girl for you. Personally, I would find it sweet.

[pretzel]

Sorry if I am not allowed here. Permit me this one question and I will leave.

Haven't been a relationship in a long time, only friends/w benefits deals. But I yearn for more. Something serious.

Consider you meet a man,

Objectively speaking, do you think it is a turn-off if a man has a heart tattoo on his chest with the words "R.I.P." then the name of his committed lover that died in an accident?

Would it bother you if every time you are having sex with him you see that tattoo with the memorial to the lover that died? Would that take away from the emotional intimacy?

Would this make you think that you could never be his #1 in his heart?

In short, I'd say no.

There was an unfortunate event in his life in which he lost someone very close and dear to him. We can't do anything about that. We grieve and keep the memories of that person with us throughout our lives. Whether it's a tatoo, letters, pictures, etc. it is a reminder (and emphasize reminder) of another time, another place. If he's moved on from that time and place then he knows that life goes on, love is found again and his heart will be filled with happiness again. The fact that it is with you shows more about how he looks at love and committment than you may want to realize.

[caterpillar79]

as you can see, Hajime, even posters here gave you varying answers, which only means, your girl may or may not take it negatively. How close you have been emotionally and much you've opened up about each other's skeletons, and how long you've known each other would affect how she takes it.

I would personally take it as a deal - breaker if I am not conditioned into understanding the 'WHY' you have that tattoo as compared to being sat down and shared your thoughts/story behind the tattoo. I might even take it as "wow, my guy is a devoted lover".

I hope she takes it the positive way. Good luck.

[Joy]

I think any woman's reaction is really going to depend on you and your feelings. As another poster stated - if the new woman got the distinct impression that she was just a replacement and you were not over the loss of your previous lover then yeah - she is gonna feel uncomfortable. If you have come to terms with this loss and let this lover go and don't compare every woman you meet to your deceased significant other then your new "gf" will sense this.

If you are ready to be involved with your whole heart then there shouldn't be any problems.

[attagirl28]

Firstly, Hajime, I'm sorry for your loss.

This is a difficult one. Putting myself in that situation, I know it shouldn't bother me - but I can't help but think it would.

I agree. I think the tat is super amazing of you and i know it shouldn't bother me but at times it totally would. I would wonder if you were seriously over this lover, do you think often of this lover, do you think of this lover when i'm around, could i ever really be your #1? stuff like that.

AS for a deal breaker i would say, no. As long as you timed it right. Like ripping off your shirt for some action would be REALLY BAD timing. lol

[sexybabe]

Sorry if I am not allowed here. Permit me this one question and I will leave.

Haven't been a relationship in a long time, only friends/w benefits deals. But I yearn for more. Something serious.

Consider you meet a man,

Objectively speaking, do you think it is a turn-off if a man has a heart tattoo on his chest with the words "R.I.P." then the name of his committed lover that died in an accident?

Would it bother you if every time you are having sex with him you see that tattoo with the memorial to the lover that died? Would that take away from the emotional intimacy?

Would this make you think that you could never be his #1 in his heart?

You know, that really depends on every individual but personally, yes I think that would really be a deal breaker for me. Personally, I don't like the thought of exes, much more if that girl's name is tattooed on my man's skin for life! But then again, all I need is CONSTANT reassurance that she's gone, I'm the one he loves now. Most likely I'd have a really hard time dealing with my feelings, having to see that tattoo each time I make love to him, but like I said, a few reassuring words every now and then would help keep my insecure feelings at bay.

Good luck. Don't let that tattoo discourage you from finding another love

[caterpillar79]

Have you considered undergoing a tattoo removal procedure?

[kygirl]

I think you should explain it preferably *before* she sees it, but I personally wouldn't find it to be a dealbreaker if I liked everything else about you. It might be a bit uncomfortable at once, but I don't think it's any different than dealing with someone who was in a long term relationship or marriage and got divorced.

Tattoos have a lot of significance to most people and I think if the person you are dating cannot accept that, then maybe you sohould reconsider who you're dating? I'd just reassure her that it was a special time in your life, but that was your way of dealing and moving on and that you in no way mean for it to make her uncomfortable, but it's something you did for you.

I agree with sourpuss. I think it was sweet

[natu88]

The girl on the tattoo is no threat to you, as she is no longer alive. Think of it not as something personal but rather, this man loved someone enough to create a memoir of her. He is very passionate obviously. We've all had relationships where we've loved and lost. Whether it's on a tattoo or not, it's still there in our hearts. His just physically shows. We all miss people we once loved, and you shouldn't think of it as anything more than that. Women tend to, of course, but dont dwell on it.

[ellylouise]

For me, yes the thought would probably cross my mind to whether or not you would ever be loved as much as the previous girl, but no it wouldn't bother me. i think that if i were in this situation, i would first of all tell her about what happened, then at a later date tell her about the tatto. if a guy did that i would be really repectful and i would understand why he would want to bring it up. hope that helps and good luck!