[Hopeless Dork]

My boyfriend was also a little shy with me when we met and I find that absolutely awesome about him. He's wasn't one of those aggressive jerks that assumed he could get my number, cocky etc... For me that is a turn off.

But when I first met him, I mistook his shyness for disinterest in me. And I wouldn't doubt thats playing a role for you too.

I definitely waited for him to ask me out first, and its true that a lot of girls DO that... but if he was showing that he was interested in me I have no doubt that I would have made a suggestion for us.

Once we started dating and I knew he was into me, I would inniciate us going out, inniciate sex etc..

I think when you are a bit shy, you may find yourself having to make the first move more often because like you admit, you don't give off an air that you are interested. And girls fear rejection just as much or more than men.

So either you have to be the one to step up and ask a girl out, OR you have to be a bit more outgoing in showing that you are interested so that she'd feel comfortable enough asking you.

[KMonte85]

I would agree that women don't initiate a date as often as men do. However, I believe it is becoming more common than you think!

Women since the dawn of time have been drilled since the day of their birth that they need to be submissive to men, that being assertive and taking what you want is a masculine characteristic and is unbecoming of a lady. Take a look at a recent post by LanaBear called, "Changes through the Decades" (https://www.womens-health.com/boards...h-decades.html )

There are examples of literature from only a couple decades ago, directed towards women about how to be a perfect, submissive wife. These ideals have not entirely gone away. Women are still quite often told to hold back their desires, or risk coming off as either brutish or skanky - and always unattractive.

But I hope you keep working on being more extroverted! And hopefully, as you put yourself out there more, you will find one of those lovely women who has risen above the old, traditional nonsense of the submissive gender. There are women like that out there, and they aren't as rare as you think, go find them!

[WildChild]

It's a social convention, one that is dying a slow death. There are many people who still aren't confortable with breaking that convention. There is still a deep rooted sense that it is inappropriate for a woman to be forward or assertive.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Do you think that it actually, maybe, only, has to do with shyness? Not man/woman?

A shy person naturally doesn't want to initiate contact, through fear of rejection.

But, a confident person always will, be it male or female.

In addition, it is also about how you were bought up I think... A man, likes to feel like a man and ask a girl out, and a woman loves chivalry and wants to be asked out.. There it has nothing to do with shyness, rather, "the done thing".

I asked my current boyfriend out, I handed him my business card and said "call me" but it still needed some intervention from his colleagues, who informed him that after he left I spoke about him, stating I hoped that he called, or else he wouldn't have called...assuming it was just the night, alcohol, but he did, and here we are

[stressed]

For the same reason that men, and not women:

- Propose.

- Say "I love you" first.

- Are more likely to drive, even if their woman has a driver's license.

- Have higher wages than women.

- Cannot have sex if they don't want to, unlike women.

- They are the first to check a noise in the middle of the night when the family is in bed.

I can add more. But none of this is a "rule" (except the parts about sex and self-defense). It's how our men-ruling society has evolved and how physical differences are used to men's advantages/disadvantages, depending on how you see them. Men are supposed to be in control and they have been for too many years now. It is only recently that women have been "allowed" to have some control too. Taking the initiative is part of this control-plan.

[Guest]

For the same reason that men, and not women:

- Propose.

- Say "I love you" first.

- Are more likely to drive, even if their woman has a driver's license.

- Have higher wages than women.

- Cannot have sex if they don't want to, unlike women.

- They are the first to check a noise in the middle of the night when the family is in bed.

I can add more. But none of this is a "rule" (except the parts about sex and self-defense). It's how our men-ruling society has evolved and how physical differences are used to men's advantages/disadvantages, depending on how you see them. Men are supposed to be in control and they have been for too many years now. It is only recently that women have been "allowed" to have some control too. Taking the initiative is part of this control-plan.

Well do women like it like that? You say men and not women should propose, say I love you first, drive and so on, I mean do you want the man to be in control and take every initiative?

[WildChild]

Well do women like it like that? You say men and not women should propose, say I love you first, drive and so on, I mean do you want the man to be in control and take every initiative?

I think she means that this has been the social convention which both women and men were schooled to for many generations.

[Brighteyes]

My boyfriend who I have known since I was eight years old (Jack by the way was 10 yrs old) was the shyest person imaginable, although he was absolutely brilliant on stage in amateur dramatic productions.

We continued simply as friends (far too young to understand all "other things") until I was fourteen when I wanted us to be girlfriend/boyfriend, I knew that Jack would never be able to bring himself to ask me out on a proper date....so I asked him......we are still together now nearly six years on.

He has of course almost overcome his shyness now and therefore feels he needs to take the lead....well most of the time when I let him.

[Hopeless Dork]

My boyfriend who I have known since I was eight years old (Jack by the way was 10 yrs old) was the shyest person imaginable, although he was absolutely brilliant on stage in amateur dramatic productions.

We continued simply as friends (far too young to understand all "other things") until I was fourteen when I wanted us to be girlfriend/boyfriend, I knew that Jack would never be able to bring himself to ask me out on a proper date....so I asked him......we are still together now nearly six years on.

He has of course almost overcome his shyness now and therefore feels he needs to take the lead....well most of the time when I let him.

Such an adorable story!!!! I want to pinch both of your cheeks and say awwwwwwwww!! lol... but since you are grown ups now it would be totally innapprorpiate haha.

[Brighteyes]

Such an adorable story!!!! I want to pinch both of your cheeks and say awwwwwwwww!! lol... but since you are grown ups now it would be totally innapprorpiate haha.

You are so, so lovely you really are, you have a wonderful way of putting things into words.....what a super gift.

Oh, and there was NO WAY that I was ever going to lose him to another girl.

He maybe my one and only boyfriend.....but he's my FIRST, my LAST, my EVERYTHING.