[LizzyBrighton1985]

I am so depressed this evening!
I recently made the stupid mistake of meeting someone via internet dating. We spoke on the phone for a couple of weeks and he really made me feel special, promising me a future together, saying all the right things and making me feel incredible. We spoke every day on the phone for hours and got on so well.
I was on top of the world and felt I could talk to him about anything, against my better judgement I agreed to meet him, I then made the regretable decision of having sex with him.
Within days he decided he didn't want a long distance relationship and that it wouldn't work. He blamed his job as he is in the RAF and works away a lot... but I can't help feeling used!
I am so hurt and feel really empty :-(
any advice?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey Lizzy,

Firstly, understand that your human, we all make management decisions that can go wrong

Secondly, life is about learning is it not? So, you will now be more aware for the future, so it's a good thing. You know, it's so easy to get caught up in "believing" when you so want romance and someone in your life... This person "promised" something. But, you don't know whether he broke that promise because, he was lying? Or, that because you had sex immediately, he assumed that, that he can't trust you? Or, that as you hadn't had the chance to give him that challenge, to get to know you more "inside", he didn't "feel" that connection and therefore made the decision, changed his mind.

So, in-other-words, your assuming he lied. That's 1 possibility but the other 2 possibilities are real as well, so don't beat yourself up.

You have to ask him though if you want closure...which reason it was and if it was the later, then rest assure, there in my mind was a soul connection between us, that is why I slept with you, in the "real world" you only gain that soul connection from quite a few dates, so I'm not easy but you obviously don't have an understanding of soul connections, best wishes in your journey.

Don't put yourself down over this...

But, if I can suggest? View any on-lining / long distance relationship as if it is dating 4, 5 times with someone in real life and don't give it up.. Because then you will know if they really wanted you? Or, just that booty call.

And remember, when you are lonely, "words" will make you "think" your in love. Always trust your intuition, don't believe anything until it becomes real..

Take your time, with any relationship sweet.

Again, though, don't beat yourself up...

CW

[LizzyBrighton1985]

Thank you, your words are very kind.
Sometimes its just nice to know I am not alone.
I am going to try my best to view this as a learning curve and not give it any more power because I know that will only damage my self esteem.
Perhaps I put too much hope into this and that has left me hurt because I placed the guy on a pedestal. Maybe he ultimately felt pressured by that.
I will never know the answers to these questions for certain even if I do ask him as I can never be certain of his true feelings unless I get into his head which is not possible!
So I guess its time to breath and let go..
X

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Lizzy,

They're not kind words, rather the truth

Definately don't give it any power..

But, remember, if he can't just tell you the truth, opting for the obvious then you don't want someone in your life like that anyway.

It could also be, because he is in the RAF and scared of time away, losing someone he got close to.

I think people always need closure and his answer was a cop out

Irrespective, move right along mam... You know your beautiful inside out, go find someone who can see both.

CW

[LizzyBrighton1985]

Thank you so so much
Love and Light xxxxx

[samanthatallon]

is this related to the other post? if so then you going seperate ways is the best thing for you! Your worth way more! and you need to let yourself heal and be ready for the new challenges life will bring you! x