[kira]

The only problem I've run in to with having sex within the first date or two was the guy deciding it meant love. I think by the 3rd date he was making marriage plans and I was just having fun with no intention of a serious relationship. It makes it difficult for either person to understand the other person's intentions when you throw sex in there too soon. On the other hand a month or 2 after I'd broken up with that guy I spent an entire weekend having sex with a guy I'd met once before on what wasn't even a date and now a year later he's my husband.

[Na-Na]

Not necessarily a relationship killer. I slept with my current boyfriend on our first date (which wasn't technically even a date) and we're still going strong three years later.

[jns]

sexybabe, its not a relationship yet, but it could become one. Right now any connection is based on sex. To turn it into a good relationship, you have to back it off of the focus on sex.

To do this, you have to make it clear to the guy that you have expectations of how he has to treat you. That he has to be kind. That he has to think of you. That he be loving. That he treat you with dignity. That he cannot take you for granted. That he cannot expect sex all the time. That he has to try to fulfill your your needs, including your pleasure.

It is quite possible that he won't want a relationship, or he wouldn't want to do the right things in one. In those cases, move on. It is natural to feel bonding after a good or great date, probably more so in one that includes sex. It will take work to turn that beginning into a relationship.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't want a committment with anyone, but will it go somewhere?

So your after, just continual, dates?

I like abc's thoughts on the matter.

Chemistry is most definately as HD pointed out, the reason you ever end up in bed with someone. There has to be chemistry,or else you can't see them in that manner and don't go through with it...

I think it depends on what you want... If your easy going and confident in yourself, and can show that outwards to a man, you are happy to make management decisions for yourself, however, it's not always the case that you sleep with someone immediately, then your showing yourself as a woman of the world and one who is assertive, doesn't judge or care what other's think of her...

That's still appealing... It's how you handle yourself full stop in my opinion...

I do agree with abc though, if you are in fact wanting deep down inside a relationship with someone. Then sleeping with him straight away, gives a warning sign to a man. He assumes... your easy and so, he's not important you've done it before, it's just sex. And, he doesn't know you at all, that inner self, he only knows your sexy and good in bed More than likely if he is wanting someone himself, relationship wise, he would wait himself... Because he wouldn't want to ruin it.. He'd prefer to have some form of not only chemistry but connection... interests...

Just know what your after, when you date with that person...

CW

[sexybabe]

thanks guys! but im still so confused!!! i find myself thinking about him all the time. he would text me once in while to ask how ive been doing and i try to keep the conversations light and cool.... i try to "act" as if that night didnt matter to me. ok, this is the first time i slept on a first date, and i just feel that i ruined something that could potentially turn into something really special between us. i never discussed what happened that night with him coz i want to show him that it was just sex to me and meant nothing more. but i am deeply attracted to this guy yet at the same time, scared of jumping into another relationship. what's worse is... i dont know if he'll ever ask me out again or if he did, might just be after the sex again. waaaaah. this guy has managed to get into my head and i hate it!!!! arggggghhhh!!!

[sexybabe]

ok and here's a follow up question. should i open the topic about what happened that night? i dont want him to think that im some S_UT . but i also want to show that what happened was nothing to me. i dont know what to do!!! sex on the first date does make things too complicated!

[WildChild]

Wipe this thought from your thinking. You are a sexual being, you aren't in a committed relationship, you aren't bed hopping. You can have sex with whomever you want - provided they want to share that with you. You have nothing to justify or explain.
Recognizing that social weirdness assigns these lables, you can talk with him and suggest that the two of you move back a little to just getting to know each other.

[Hopeless Dork]

ok and here's a follow up question. should i open the topic about what happened that night? i dont want him to think that im some S_UT . but i also want to show that what happened was nothing to me. i dont know what to do!!! sex on the first date does make things too complicated!

Don't treat that night like a dirty little secret you are ashamed of to him, be open be honest. If you had fun tell him so, if you feel like you got carried away but don't regret a second of it ... tell him so. If you enjoyed yourself, but feel like you were out of character, let him know. If he's the kind of (creep) guy that has some double standard about its okay for THEM to sleep with a women on a first date... but any woman that does is less valuable to them -- then not developing a relationship with him is a GOOD thing as that sort of hypocrisy and selfishness would shine into other areas for sure.

Pick your next date where sex isn't even optional.. somewhere public , somewhere you can trust yourself :P. Don't go home with him or take him home (unless of course you really really want to... then heck with it, do what you like ) but if you want this to be about more then sex, pick some outdoorsy trip for your next date where he can get to know you and you him without jumpin in the sack

[jns]

Don't treat that night like a dirty little secret you are ashamed of to him, be open be honest. If you had fun tell him so, if you feel like you got carried away but don't regret a second of it ... tell him so. If you enjoyed yourself, but feel like you were out of character, let him know.

I agree with HD. Guys sometimes have a hard time understanding the signals they get from women. If you are direct, some guys may misinterpret it, but others who were confused now will be clear on what the situation was. There are guys who will be flattered that a girl was so taken by them that she acted out of character. They will take it as a good sign for starting a relationship, after all, what would be better than having a girlfriend who has had an instantaneous connection to them.

[Hopeless Dork]

Its how it was with me and my boyfriend. I broke all my own rules and followed instinct. Did and said everything that came natural to me for the first time in my life and its lead to such happiness. Before I was so reserved, so affraid of looking or sounding stupid... so afraid of being judged... so I was merely a shell of myself in any previous encounters with guys.

My true self is sexual, affectonate, caring, silly, fun, spontanious and I kept her on a shelf for so long... there was something about the connection I felt to my boyfriend ... on our very first date that inspired me to peel back that layer of who I wanted him to *think* I was... and reveal who I actually am. Its so freeing... I suggest it to all